i-Lived Page #4

And that's why I give this app

four out of five stars.

Which brings me

to my next announcement!

Yours truly, J-TECH,

is about to make a huge deal with

the enormous tech site, Tekker.org.

Ah.

I'm gonna be hostin'

their app review show.

Because I'm gonna be actually

getting paid money.

Dolla, dolla bill.

Now, hold up.

Hold up. Hold up.

I know some of you purists out there

are, like, "Josh, you sellin' out, okay?"

Because you not gonna be

little J-TECH anymore.

You gonna be big J-TECH!"

And I get it, okay?

I'm not sellin' out,

because you guys...

are gonna be part of a much larger

network of dorks around the world.

Around the world.

Oh, and for those of you who have been

following the I-Lived app experiment,

check this out motherfuckers!

Six-pack, b*tches!

I'm Josh from J-TECH.

Peace out, b*tches.

I do a lot of push-ups.

You know, in my spare time.

It's all I do.

Hey. What's up, man?

This is a great party, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, this is Alex.

Hey. Nice to meet you.

Hey, have you seen Greta

anywhere?

Greta? I don't remember

what she looks like.

- Whoa.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Stop.

You wanna get outta here?

Absolutely.

Can you give me a second?

Two minutes.

Josh...

come on.

You're a great guy, and I have

a lot of fun with you, but...

I made myself pretty clear.

No strings attached, remember?

No. I don't remember.

What did you think

this was gonna be, really?

Nothing. Whatever.

You're hurt.

We're all good.

Yes. Joshua Fosse.

He was supposed to call and talk

to me about the terms of my...

Well, can I talk to him?

Can I help you?

Yeah. Uh, hi. Mr. Luis, please.

He's unavailable. I told

you that on the phone.

No, you said he didn't know me.

I've been calling for, like, three days.

How do you...

Is that his office there?

Please. I don't want to

have to call security.

Who is that?

- Sir...

- Who is he meeting with in there?

Mr. Luis!

Mr. Luis!

Mr. Luis!

- Roberto!

- Come on, man, just chill out...

or I have to call the cops.

Why don't you chill out?

Why don't you all

just chill out?

Yes!

F***!

911. What is your emergency?

Yeah, somebody broke into my garage.

What is your address?

233 North Norton Avenue.

Hello?

Hello?

F***.

Joshua.

You all right?

You've been out for a while.

Can you sit up?

I'm Detective McQuee.

Here's my card.

If the guy comes back, just

give me a call. All right.

Dad.

What's going on?

I'm at the hospital.

Where's Mom?

She's in the ICU.

I thought you said she was getting better.

We need to pray, Son.

You said she getting better!

She was.

I don't know what happened, but

she took a turn for the worse.

How bad? She's in a coma.

F***.

Pray with me, Son.

Will you stop with that?

You're always praying for her.

What has that ever gotten you?

I'm scared.

I know the feeling.

Please. Pray with me, Son.

I'm gonna hang up now, okay?

"Devil I."

Oh.

Hey!

I mean, that is the craziest

sh*t that I've ever heard.

I think you might want to lay

off the computers for a while.

I saw this guy following me.

He was in my house.

The same guy

in my parent's house.

A guy in a black trench coat teleported

from your parents' house in Michigan...

to your house through Skype?

Teleporting?

I'm f***ing serious, dude.

I mean, I don't know, man.

Did you read the user agreement?

What did I sign?

I was just

messing with you, man.

No, it makes sense.

No, it doesn't.

You didn't sign your soul away

on your iPhone, all right?

I'm gonna break it down for you.

Here we go...

Greta? She's out of your league.

She's smart. She's older.

She has money.

She's f***in' hot.

I'm mean, she's probably,

uh, just geeking it.

And this UK web site thing,

right?

It's a start-up, so it's worth a billion dollars

today and then tomorrow they're bankrupt.

And your mom? Dude.

I'm sorry to say this, but she's

been terminal for almost a year now.

I mean, you told be back then she'd be

lucky to make it past three months.

So, I don't know what this

thing's doing to your head,

but it's not responsible for what's

happened in your life... You are.

This thing is real.

Sometimes, I'm bangin',

like, a really hot model.

And it feels real.

But then I'm, like, "Oh, sh*t."

"I'm masturbating!"

On the Internet,

that's what you're doin'.

You're masturbating, man.

I don't need you for this.

I'll do it on my own.

No, you won't. Hey, hey, look.

You're about to commit a very serious

felony right now, all right?

This isn't like, uh, stealing

suits or giving kids candy.

I think...

I think I have a better idea.

There's a way

we can do this cleanly.

What do you know

about kidnapping someone?

Dude... I'm Filipino.

Hey! Help me! Help me! Help me!

Rejected?

How's that possible?

Hey! How are you?

Oh, I'm so thirsty.

Are you sure you don't want

anything? It's totally on me.

They have, like,

the best chai latte.

Um... Mmm!

Have you talked to Bobby Yen?

I tried calling him to let him know

we're done, but he's not answering.

Anyway, I've never played

a kidnapping victim before.

Do you think I could get

a copy of that for my reel?

Or, you know, I could get it

of YouTube as well.

Are you all right?

Josh? You can't fool it.

Oh! Hey. Where are you guys?

What's the matter?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Where... Where are you?

Okay, okay.

Bobby's been in an accident. I mean,

he... he's at the hospital, Josh.

How many f***ing pages

is this thing?

Josh.

Josh.

Mom?

You...

did this.

Why?

Hey, guys!

It's Josh, from J-TECH.

Got a great bunch of

reviews for you to share...

me to share with you today.

Uh, see a lot of you have

unsubscribed from my vlog.

I, uh... I understand.

It's okay.

You're probably waiting for that new

link to my new show that I promised you.

Well... I decided to go

in another direction.

I didn't want to be

a corporate sellout...

and be selling somebody else's

product, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, the first app that

we're gonna review today...

let me... let me get

my list real quick.

Here we go.

Here's the list, okay?

The first app I'm gonna

review is all about...

The first app that I...

Damn it!

What now?

What?

What? Hello, Josh.

I'm sorry to disturb you.

I was just wondering if you

were able to pay your rent.

Really? Is that why you

gave me an eviction notice?

I'm sorry about that,

but it has been three months.

I just need

a little bit more time.

I'll get it to you soon. I just

got a new job working online.

Online? Josh.

I have a lot of people who are ready

to pay some real money for this house.

It's always about the money,

isn't it?

Oh, I know things

have been hard on you...

since you broke up

with your girlfriend.

She was such a nice girl.

It's too bad.

Josh!

I didn't know you

graduated from Stanford.

Oh, your parents

must be so proud of you.

Wow.

Even though things haven't

exactly panned out for you.

By the way, how is your mother?

Is she still dying?

What are you... Josh!

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