I Am a Sex Addict Page #7

going to be your last one.

Why don't you go f*** a prostitute

and leave me alone?

Devin, what are you talking about?

You said you were going to stop drinking!

I guess I changed my mind.

Devin, I think you've had enough.

Well, that's funny, Caveh,

because I don't think I have.

F***!

You f***ing prick!

That sh*t's expensive!

I was starting to miss Christa.

That night, I spoke

to every prostitute in Munich.

Um...

Blasen?

- Blasen?

- Blasen. Ja. Blasen.

After conversing with the street prostitutes,

I made the rounds of the brothels.

There was one prostitute

I found especially tempting.

I was dying to have sex with her,

but I managed to resist.

And I returned to the hotel

excited to tell Devin

that I had successfully resisted.

The next day the film festival organizers

insisted that we pay a $300 fine

for damages to the room

and that we leave town

immediately after my screening.

I am not having another drink

for a long time, I can tell you that.

Well, good. I'm glad.

Devin had a bad hangover

and slept all afternoon.

It was our last day in Munich,

so I decided to go sightseeing.

(music playing)

Cheers.

F*** you, Devin.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna get a blow job.

Okay, I'll come with you.

I don't want you to.

Why not? I thought

you wanted me to watch.

Didn't you say you wanted your girlfriends

to watch so you could feel "accepted"?

Well, I'm mad at you right now.

Well, hey, pal, it's your big chance.

- Do you speak English?

- Yes.

Um, hi.

Um, I'm looking for a woman

who was here last night.

She had black hair.

Is she here?

She's going to be busy for another hour.

Maybe I can help you.

Um...

I was really hoping to see her.

I am very good.

I'm sure that's true,

but I need to think about it.

Okay.

I don't see the one I came for.

So why don't you get your dick sucked

by one of these?

Because I liked the other one better.

- Well, if she's not here...

- She is here.

She says she's with a customer.

She'll be done in an hour.

An hour?

We're going to wait an hour?

I need another drink.

Devin, we can't afford another drink.

What do you mean

we can't afford another drink?

You bring your girlfriend to a brothel

and you won't even buy her a drink?

Devin, we only have 200 marks left.

It's just enough for me to get a blow job.

It's not enough for a drink and a blow job.

Man, f*** you, Caveh.

I want a drink.

Devin, you haven't even finished

what's in your glass.

There, it's finished.

Here.

Thank you.

Excuse me. The woman

you wanted is available now.

Follow me.

I'm sorry, I was looking

for a different woman with black hair.

- She was here last night.

- She's not here tonight.

- That wasn't her.

- What do you mean?

The one I wanted isn't here tonight.

We waited a f***ing hour

and she's not here?

Yeah.

So what do you want to do?

Do you want to go?

I'm not sure.

I can't decide.

Well, why don't you

f*** one of those?

I don't know.

I really wanted that one.

You know, I'm not that attracted

to any of the other ones.

We came all the way here.

You might as well do it.

So, you want to go upstairs with me?

Um, maybe. I'm not sure.

I can give you very much pleasure.

I'm sure that's true.

So, are you ready?

Um, I don't know.

I can't decide.

Maybe I can help you decide.

Um...

- What do you think?

- Well, it's certainly very tempting.

Where are you going?

Don't worry about her.

She'll be fine.

- Where are they going?

- She won't hurt her.

Um, I'm sorry.

I have to go.

F*** you, Caveh!

F*** you! F*** you!

- Devin, calm down.

- F*** you!

What did she say to you?

She was actually concerned

about me, unlike you!

She said, "Come with me,

and I'll take care of you

and I'll make you feel better."

Did she mean sexually?

It's all you can think about, isn't it?

Well, is that what she meant?

I'm getting out!

Devin, no, wait!

Stop it! Close it!

When we got back to the hotel,

Devin insisted on giving me a blow job.

I told her I didn't want one,

but she held me down and forced me.

I was scared the whole time that

she was going to bite my penis off.

(moaning)

The next morning we flew to New York.

How much?

Let me pull it out for you.

Get down on your knees.

I'm not getting down on my f***ing knees.

There's broken glass.

Oh. Sorry.

The next day

we went our separate ways.

I wanted to say "I love you,"

but I couldn't.

But as I headed towards the gate,

I felt able to say it and wanted to.

But it was too late.

This is the real Devin.

We remained friends over the years,

and she later appeared in a film I made

called I Don't Hate Las Vegas Anymore.

By then she had already

been diagnosed with cancer

and had just undergone chemotherapy.

She died three years later.

On the way home,

I felt an overwhelming sense of loss.

Ever since I had met Devin,

I had believed that I had

finally found the one person

who could accept me the way I was.

But now I realized that I had been wrong.

I had once read somewhere that

everyone who comes into our lives

is a mirror for something inside us

that we're not seeing.

So I asked myself

how Devin might be a mirror for something

inside me that I wasn't seeing.

At first I couldn't see it.

Devin was an alcoholic,

I wasn't an alcoholic.

But then it suddenly occurred to me

that even though I wasn't an alcoholic,

I was kind of like an alcoholic about sex.

- Caveh?

- Yeah, hi.

Hi.

Back in L.A. I went to see a therapist

who suggested I attend

a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting.

I scanned the faces of the other men

in the room for signs of perversion,

but they looked just like anybody else.

Good evening, my name is Ken.

I'm a recovering sex addict.

ALL:
Hi, Ken.

Welcome to the Monday night male-only

meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous.

This is a closed meeting.

Only those desiring

their own sexual abstinence, please.

In S.A.A., we define abstinence

not as the complete elimination

of all sexuality from the addict's life,

but only of those

compulsive sexual behaviors

that lead to pitiful

and incomprehensible demoralization.

We leave it up to the individual to decide

which compulsive behaviors

he wishes to abstain from.

I said that I'm a sex addict.

Are there any other sex addicts present?

Hi, everybody. My name's Sasha

and I'm a sex addict.

ALL:
Hi, Sasha.

Last week I finally took all my porn

and I just put it in a garbage bag

and I just hauled it out

'cause I was just so sick of it.

And I think of all the hundreds

and thousands of hours

I'm wasting in my car cruising...

...staying in sex clubs all night

when there's absolutely nobody

that I want to have sex with at all.

And it really started to affect

my work, my marriage...

Everyone had a different addiction.

Ken was into gay bath houses.

Ron was a compulsive masturbator.

And Tom was a voyeur.

But their stories

all had one thing in common...

that the more they had

indulged their addictions,

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