I Could Never Be Your Woman Page #2

Your line in the bowling alley was cut.

Oh... You have to do

what's better for the show.

It was the censor.

He thought you were too sexy.

- I'm sorry.

- That's fine. Forget it.

Ok. All right, well I'm going to go get

Izz, if anyone needs me I'm on my cell.

Sure.

- You go girl.

- Hey, is Rosie there?

No you just missed her.

She had and emergency botox appointment.

You are bad.

No Izzie, don't hover over Dylan.

Do something else.

- Hi Britney.

- That's it, talk to the girls not him.

B*tches!

No. No no no no.

Izz!

- Bye Dylan.

- Yeah.

Hey!

- Ma, you know what happened today?

- What?

I went to the bathroom and there was

this brownish spot,

but it wasn't from you know where.

Honey, that is your period.

Oh congratulations, your...

your a woman!

Let the game begin!

Ma what's is better?

Maxi with wings for extra protection,

or absorbent dry and bulge your pants?

How many light days are there?

Honey, you do not need all this.

- Can I have a Twix bar?

- Yeah.

Ops, I got a career...

by shaking my rear,

and making guys leer.

Oh baby baby.

Ops I'm going to sing more,

and dance like a whore.

I'm just not talented.

Izz, look what I found.

They gave us these in the sixth grade.

See...

It's Mindy Menstruation.

Here she is staying clean.

And here she is eating right.

Oh, I like her hair better here.

With her Modes pads, nobody knows

about the gusher between her legs.

When can I have sex?

Uh uh....

When you get your masters degree.

No, come on, really.

When you go to college.

Eighteen.

Ma fifteen.

No way!

Maybe... seventeen.

Ma fifteen is the new seventeen.

Tonight, Yomena faces a personal crisis

on a very special "You Go Girl" that

teens should watch with their parents.

Quick, call your mom.

Izzie!

It's not the music.

It's driving me crazy.

- It's "Apes Escapes."

- Ma it's Dylan's favorite game.

I have to get good at it so

we will have something in common.

Oh, sounds like a

firm basis for a relationship.

- Now I'll walk you home.

- I have to sleep over.

My father's shooting the

country music awards tonight.

Just do something quiet so

Izz can finish her homework.

How the hell do you drop

two points from the "Candy Strippers"?

From now on no more issues.

No drugs, no teen pregnancies,

no homosexuals.

What about the same sex prom date?

Oh yeck!

No homo stuff!

Except maybe an occasional lesbian kiss.

But no eating disorders,

no racial strife.

Come on, let's get on it.

No more janky shows.

Never heard that word did ya'?

We hired this consulting team

the next thing they tell us

all the hot new trends.

Ok, we drop the prom, we move up.

Boys make over the nerdy guy...

No. No, that was just a backup script.

- Make overs are big.

- Make overs are so played out.

Plastic surgery makeovers, uh...

queer makeovers, straight

make overs, house makeovers,

car makeovers there's

nothing more to say about it.

You can do it.

Let us make this show cronk.

Groove.

Oh, and while we're in full comunicado

I want you to incorporate

these into the show.

We just covered there phones

with matching jewels.

These are the cool new ones.

I read in Newsweek where kids

text message more than talk.

- Is that a fact.

- Indeed.

Oh and put in that stuff

where they write "L" and "8".

That's how they say later.

I never seen so many nerds in one place.

Not since the last writers guild awards.

This is Mulersfeild. We're going

to start with the wedgie scene.

Maybe you did give me a wedgie,

and sure my head is no stranger to the

raging waters of the third floor toilets.

But one day...

She be like ten,

fifteen years from now...

Maybe you did give me a wedgie and...

Snap!

and sure my head is no stranger

to the raging waters of the...

of the third floor bathroom.

(Both)

Thank you so much, that was great.

I have to rewrite this scene.

I mean they can't all be this bad.

What about that guy Chad?

Maybe if we called him

back with some notes?

Let me just try one thing.

- This is Adam.

- No wait. Give me a sec...

How it did that?

We'll start with the wedgie scene.

It's on page six.

I hope you're proud of your self.

I hope you have a real

feeling of accomplishment.

Because one day, and you know what

it might not be in high school.

It might not even be the near future.

But one day you're going

to open a newspaper,

or you're going to

turn on the television,

and you're going to see that I or...

some other dungeon master

that you bullied,

has done something truly spectacular.

And as you're putting on you're...

name badge from Pretzel Time you'll say,

"Wow, I really wish that

I was nice to that guy."

Because you're laugh now.

You say digital wedgies

are a way of the future.

Well OK, I have one of those

wedgies right now, in my pants.

But you, have a much

deeper darker wedgie...

on you're soul.

That's what I meant.

- Very nice, we will be looking at you.

- That's OK?

Thank you so much, that was great!

- Adam that was great.

- Thank you very much we'll be in touch.

Very good.

Thank you.

There is some more to see tomorrow.

Yeah, and his agent

to see if he's an a**hole.

Yeah.

Don't even think about it.

- Ready for the test?

- Yeah.

You know what Dylan did yesterday?

He took a tampon out of Gabby's backpack

and stuck it in his mouth and

it go real big from his spit.

I've been seriously underestimating him.

- Ya had to be there.

- Yeah.

Back to math.

What is pi?

- Three...

- Three...

-Three point...

-Three point...

Three point one four.

You knew it last night.

Yeah.

OK. See ya.

I was hilarious.

But Brianna kept

telling me to be sexier,

and she'd screw up her line if I didn't

do it that way but she knew it'd get cut.

Yeah I get paid.

So what?

It's not just the money Ma.

I'll call you back.

Hi. Is Rosie here?

She's getting her hair colored.

She told me to pick up a schedule.

Hold on.

Booya! Nothing but net!

Big boys know other ways to score.

- Taylor, where's Bree?

- Aren't we doing her wardrobe now?

We're missing our lunch for her fitting,

and she's standing us up again.

I'm sorry but I am not kissing

Brianna's ass any more.

Speaking which, a little lipo would

help me with those shorter skirts.

What are you nuts?

She's got a perfect body.

Oh... Cottage cheese with your bagel?

And when was the last time

we got a magazine cover?

Lindsey, Paris, the girls of the

teen bath. That's all I'm saying.

Well you're nuts.

That's all I'm saying.

Oh!

Eh, well... Well you gotta remember

the attitude. Hum?

No, no no no no. Let's not put

him in what the other guys like.

It should be what he looks good in.

Find a shirt that brings out

the green in his eyes and um...

Give the jacket and pants the

same color to make him thinner.

I don't like the way that sign light is.

Look at what it's doing to the skin.

What about the bags under his eyes.

He looks like he hasn't slept in a week.

No no, we can't use this lens.

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