I Could Never Be Your Woman Page #3

Nothing wider than a 40.

Yeah, look at the nose.

Oh my god.

Oh my god I'm beautiful.

I am beautiful.

Actually well I'm um...

You're really good.

It wasn't that tough.

Oh come on. I've never thought

of myself as good looking.

Why not?

Girls never made me feel cute.

I used to have to make them

laugh to get their attention.

Wait a second.

You used comedy as a cover

for feelings of inadequacy.

You might be on to something there.

Wait a minute.

What?

You're really beautiful.

All right now let's do you.

Why is it that I have to get

painted and plucked

and you don't even have to

comb you're hair?

How does one achieve this look?

Egg-beater.

Oh well... I'll see what I can do

but I can't work miracles.

Rosie?

Excuse me.

Adam, Brianna.

- Adam is in next weeks episode.

- Yeah. Hi.

Hi.

I see you later.

OK.

You know Taylor said things about me.

You know I can't arrive

at 7 a.m. for makeup,

do a full day of work,

then go off to a wardrobe fitting,

learn my lines, and still look 16.

I just can't do it.

It's OK.

You know everyone want's a piece of me.

There's just so much I can give.

Bree, if you promise

to stop the yo-yo dieting,

we can make a mannequin and

you don't have to do the fittings.

Thanks.

I just know when I'm this tired

I can't do my best work.

Well nobody wants that.

- Honey you're just tired.

- Yeah.

- Guess what?

- What?

The life is good.

I know what you mean.

Can I have "Lucky Charms"?

There magically delicious.

Technically it's not really magic,

it's sugar.

You know what happened today?

Me, Melanie and Zack are planning to

see the new Adam Sandler on Wednesday,

and Zack ask Dylan to come

and he said OK.

And then Zack said I'll be with Melanie

and you'll be with Izzie.

- And you know what Dylan said?

- What.

- He said, "I guess".

- You're kidding.

Izz, you still have shampoo.

But this is "Suave"

for the same luxurious hair as

"Panteen" at half the price.

When you put it like that.

I can't believe you're going on a

group date with a boy you like.

Oh don't worry Ma,

it's strictly platatonic.

Hey, check it out.

Sh*t's real.

- One of the SAT's dropping I think.

- Oh, OK.

Yeah it will be better.

Scene twelve.

Taking one.

Ahhh!

Who put this ketchup there?

- I got action Johnny.

- And action.

- Ready.

- Action.

I need to know what your

doing for the talent contest.

- You like him.

- What are you talking about?

- What are you doing?

- Brianna.

Some kind of second city stuff?

I've already learned my lines.

I'll keep your cues exactly the same.

I don't who's lines in any way.

- Just great.

- Bree.

Hey hey, drop off your phones.

I know you don't like thinking about

ratings but we're in deep sh*t.

Now this guy could turn out

to be the next Ben Stiller.

You never know.

And, you know...

it wouldn't hurt for you to

have a good relationship with him.

OK we're back.

Thanks.

So Monty said we're

work till like eight.

Probably.

Yeah, I'm getting my tin coming back.

Does your husband mind you uh...

working so late?

I'm not married.

Ty your boyfriend?

No. No boyfriend.

So you have to pick out

music for the show right?

Uh, me and the music supervisor.

Cus this guy, who used to be my roommate,

is playing in a band on Friday night,

and I figured since you have

to do that kind of thing anyway,

- that maybe you'd uh...

- Can I uh... ask you something?

Yeah.

Well most of the students in the show

have wives and kids and homes and so...

Well you know, they're

not exactly teenagers.

And you have the job so it

doesn't matter. But how old are you?

Really.

Really?

I'm like uh... 32.

Why? How old are you?

- 37.

- You're a kid.

So what do you say?

Ok

- Friday?

- All right.

It's at Sullivans which is you know,

kind of a dive but,

um, Lindsay stabbed um, Hillary there.

I think.

Or no Mary-Kate may uh...

happened... Ashley...

- I don't know. It's kind of cool.

- It sounds lovely.

Sullivans.

Yeah it's just above the palace.

Oh yeah....

Oh yeah, you know where that is.

But I can pick you up.

- Great!

- Yeah? OK.

At around 9:
00?

- All right.

- OK.

Look where you're go!

- Sorry.

- That's all right. I...

Oh my God, how much do we love this?

-Take it to my trailer.

- Thank you.

I'll see ya!

All right, so he's a little younger.

It would be fine if I was a man.

Why can't you copy the smart things

men do and not the idiot things?

Izz!?

What did I tell you

about jumping on beds?

- Only in hotels and Daddy's house.

-That's right. So...

Tell be about school.

Well me and Melanie had this idea today,

that we'd ask Page to talk to Colin

since he's Dylan's best friend.

And Colin would tell Dylan that I

like him and see what he says.

No no no!

Don't let him know that you like him.

Act like you don't know he's alive.

Look busy all the time. You have to

behave like you couldn't care less.

Hello?

Are you happy with

you're long distance service?

I'm learning allot about playing it cool.

- What do you think?

- I like it.

But look what happens when I do this.

Then do not do that.

- Oh, wow. A kid.

- Yes I am.

You guys pretty cool right?

Can I get you a beverage?

Thank you.

- Hey!

- That was a present. From Drew Carey.

Oh, that's very thoughtful.

Ugh! yecka.

Hey Zoloft.

Your Mom and I take the same medication.

Sounds like a firm

basis for a relationship.

I was in the middle of playing

"Apes Escape" if you'd care to join me.

Hey do you know the secret

to get to the next level?

There's a secret?

Can you show me?

Oh all right.

Izzie please! Shut those apes off.

I can't stand that stupid music.

Ma, I've reached new heights!

Wow!

Sh*t.

Thanks.

You look cold.

- Oh no, well be in side in just a....

- Here.

OK.

Can I see some ID?

Excuse me.

- Oh, you'll be the oldest one in there.

- I can deal.

Wouldn't you rather be

at home in a nice hot bath

reading an informative

article on Bolaws?

Fine. You look ridiculous.

They let her in?

Yes my dear all your cloths are vintage.

What is that cute guy dating his Mom?

- You want a drink?

- What?

I'm going to get a beer.

You want something?

Nothing.

You look like you need a drink.

Oh, I do?

Let me guess uh...

Apple martini right?

I'm sorry I can't hear you.

What's up?

Want to dance?

But no one else is.

- Then we'll be the best one.

- I couldn't but don't let me stop you.

My turn to rock it.

You're nuts.

Hey it's Friday night.

I got to bring my "A" game.

Quite a variety of steps you got there.

Well, two of everything I think.

I'm that good.

- Oh I got to play you something.

- Oh Green Gang.

Wrong mood.

Ricky Martin?

What?

That's not mine.

I'm not really 37.

- How old are you?

- 38.

- I'm actually 31.

- OK.

Uh... I need my keys.

I'm all right. I'm good. I got them.

Oh, I need my wallet.

- What are you doing?

- Huh?

Consider this foreplay.

- What a turn on.

- Yeah, I thought so.

I'm 40.

- 29.

- What happened to 30?

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