I Could Never Be Your Woman Page #4

- What happened to 39?

- You're not even in your 30's.

Well neither are you.

Hey besides, you know that saying

"Never trust anyone over 30."

So you can trust me.

- Hey, you look great!

- Thanks.

You had what done?

What'd you do?

Nothing.

Yeah, right.

Watch this. He gets the money back.

He totally came up with that himself.

And look.

Look at the testing.

Boys ten to twelve 84%.

Girls 92%!

We had the same numbers when

Screech was a substitute teacher.

But those were "Oh oh look, it's

that saved by the bell guy" numbers.

-There's my ace.

-These are,

who's the new guy?

Hey, I like him numbers.

The rest of the scripts

are all approved.

Why do you want to start

writing 3 new ones?

Because this guys funny.

He's physical. He can act.

Girls will love him.

Oh at least one does.

I don't need the extra work.

I believe this kid can spin off for you.

Ok, we drop one point it's your ass.

We won't.

I promise.

(Group)

Fight! Fight! Fight!

(Group) Fight! Fight! Fight!

- Hey!

Hey! Cut it out!

Who told you to hit girls.

- She started it.

- I can take him.

What was that about?

He said your Mother's show only got a

Hey Noah, I heard Brad Pit's

firing your dad's law firm.

These guys are special

so they go on display.

And these go to "Good Will".

- Oh, no.

- What's wrong?

They're all naked and

skinny and lying in a pile.

It looks like a concentration

camp. We have to dress them.

- Ma...

- Please. It's depressing.

What happened at the movies?

Did Dilan put his arm around you?

No

Did you both put your arms

on the arm rest together?

Well, first his arm went on it.

And then I put my arm on it.

But then he took his off

and sat like this.

He's not ready for girls yet.

He had a girlfriend last year.

Then he has no taste.

Ma I love him.

Ok, I'm sorry.

Izz are you sure you're

done with these guys?

Yeah.

It's just so sad.

It's like when you finish a

season and the actors all go away.

Want to play one last game?

Ma I'm too old for Barbies.

Yeah, but I'm not.

Ok, who should be in love with who?

Let's see.

- You're enabling.

- What?

Wardrobe for the new scenes with Adam.

I am not enabling.

This is rewriting. This is nice.

Thank you.

Putz, noun, a yokel a jerk.

Our Rabbi consultant

said it means a penis.

We're allowed to say penis.

Yes you can say penis

but this is the bad penis. Like prick.

And what exactly is the good penis?

Check it out.

Why don't I just say "He's so gay"?

That's kind of derogatory.

But everyone says it.

- Ok everybody, that's lunch.

- Hey hey, drop off your phones.

No walking away with the props.

I see you.

He is an actor.

Hey, back off Miss Bulimia.

Hey Screech.

You know the buzz is

Brianna want's you out.

Why?

She says you're too bry.

Me?

See I get you.

But Brianna, she doesn't like anyone

unless they make a big old

stink about how gorgeous she is.

Rosie really wishes you'd, you know,

flirt with her.

She hasn't said anything.

Well she can't exactly say

"Go hit on Brianna."

Not after that stupid sexual

harassment class we had today.

Hey man, don't bogart all that doobage.

It's not pot.

- De je ton.

- Je ton!

Oh je do de ton on.

Oh thank heavens for the little girls.

(Babbling in fake French)

...A white Zinfandel...

Hello.

What is...

Wow how do you get that job?

What's this?

The way those two keep running off

the AD's thought it'd be

easier to listen to where they are.

- Sounds like Adam likes Bree.

- This isn't very nice.

I am so sick of reading about Meisha,

and Lindsey, and Katie.

- Yeah.

- Now they're all getting better parts.

Yeah.

Soon the whole yum girl faze is

going to be over. And it kills me.

I mean I was a teenage girl

before any of them.

- Bree,

- I should be playing...

we're jumping ahead

to the beach party scene.

Oh oh, I get to wear my pretty bikini.

Did I ever tell you you have

the body of a 29 year old?

Oh.

Really?

I hope you plan to take advantage of it.

I gotta go.

I can't let you go.

No, but I must.

You have to go. Go.

But I can't do it!

But you have to go.

You have to...

I can't go. But you must! All right.

Your work is bigger than the both of us.

After all the prom episode

isn't going to produce it self.

I gotta go.

- All right.

- We can continue this later.

- OK.

- You're done for today.

Really?

My car's still in the shop.

Take mine.

I'll bring it back before you leave.

OK.

You go girl.

You're suspicious, you're giggle,

you're worried then you're mushie.

What an emotional

roller coaster you're on.

Roller coasters are fun.

For teenagers.

- Exhilarating.

- Until you get nauseous.

Can I help you?

- Just looking at the stage.

- Oh well, it's in use at the moment.

Hum, OK.

Go find out who they are.

If A equals B. And B equals C plus ten.

Then C is to A...

Ok if I had my first writing job on

"Family Matters" in 1986

and he was born in...

Oh by God!

what David Cassidy is to me.

And the dark myth Madonna is to me,

what the Jewish Madonna is to him.

And if I mention something from

my childhood it would be to him how

I feel about it as before I was born.

Like it's ancient history!

- Ma?

-Huh?

How do you make a

positive number turn negative?

Take away it's Prozac and put it

with a bunch of smaller numbers.

- Ow! Ow!

- Oh.

Stop. stop.

Let me.

- This isn't going to work.

- Yeah I know.

- Let's get in the back seat.

- No I mean this.

You and me.

Wow, what'd I do?

Oh no, nothing...

No you're...

You're wonderful.

- We had fun, Friday?

- Oh yeah. No Friday was great.

Then why?

I... Remember when we had

that talk about you being 29?

I keep thinking about how...

young...

that is.

I'm planning on getting older.

Yeah well,

I'm not planning on getting younger.

That just means dumber.

Come on.

You just think I'm a dumb kid.

Don't ya.

No.

Of course not.

You're the one who's young.

Young is far superior to old.

In what?

In everything.

Oh yeah?

Who's funnier, Tom

Green or George Carlin?

Well that's a freak example.

You know in our society

young outranks old.

Tall outranks short.

Cute outranks smart.

I just...

If we got involved...

someone's going to get hurt.

And...

Because I'm older...

I have to be the responsible one.

But we could still be friends.

- We can still be friends can't we?

- Yeah you know I was there for you.

Matthew Perry has no sense of humor.

Ok, this one.

Hello

(Together)

Ehhhhh.

No it's much slower.

Ehhhhh.

(Together)

Ehhhhh.

You are so grounded.

Hello!

I'm home!

What are you guys up to?

Nothing.

How come you're home so early?

Where's Adam?

I decided we shouldn't go out anymore.

Why? I like him.

I'm trying to be mature.

That's not really your style.

Yeah, I know.

At what age do you

stop going out on dates?

Don't be an idiot.

What? Old people don't go out on dates.

Good night.

(Together)

Good night.

- Quit it.

- I told her the truth.

Where's Rosie?

She's at the gynecologist.

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