I Could Never Be Your Woman Page #5

- When's she going to be back?

- I don't know.

They have to hack

through all the cobwebs.

She told me to pick something

up at the office, but no one's there.

Sure.

That 45 year old would love to lock me

in the office while everone's on the set.

And yet you manage to show up every day.

You're so brave.

For you.

Rosie's decided to give you an "R".

What's an "R"?

Its what you get when

you screw the producer.

- She wrote these?

- Yeah.

You got three more episodes.

Since you're going to be around awhile,

why don't you and I, you know,

get some coffee?

So what are you saying

we can't use the "Sparkly Farbs"?

No

They can be prom phones.

- Hey!

- Hi.

Oh, I see you got the new episodes.

Yep, and ah...

- I got some good news for you.

- You do?

I've been doing allot of soul

searching lately and...

I'm gonna to give you

another shot with me.

Pretty sly Stallone.

I think you're good for the show.

You think that's what

you think but really

your subconscious is finding

ways to keep you with me.

I'm surprised some ivy league psyche

department hasn't snatched you up.

Art with out love is nothing.

Niche said that.

Oh.

I don't think Niche watch "You Go Girl".

He could have TiVoed it.

Could of.

(Indistinct)

(Oinking)

Adam likes you allot.

Yeah, why do you think that?

He make you a music mix.

That's how boys tell

you what's in their heart.

That is so adolescent.

Just listen to it.

Hey

- Uh?

- Where this your car?

Ah it's at another party I'm going to.

You know that, uh, Rosie wanted to cut

your scene but I told her to keep it in.

Thanks.

Hey we're here!

See.

Don't we look alike.

- I don't see it.

- No I can. They look a little alike.

Yeah, you can totally be his nephew.

Nephew?

You mean brother.

- How old are you?

- 30.

Well how old do you think I am?

Yes. But how old do I look.

- Well I'd say...

- Say 32 or he'll never stop.

- 32?

- Thank you.

- Moisturizer.

- (All) Ohhhh.

No!

This stuff is impossible to clean up.

Izzie what did I say

about jumping on beds.

Please don't Ma.

It took us all this time to talk Dylan

into playing truth or dare

and then he started showing off.

And I was afraid you'd stop him.

He was doing this to make you laugh?

- I think.

- Pretty good yes?

- Is Brianna Minx here?

- Not yet.

But she's coming?

- Uh, probably.

- Come on.

Men.

Hey, don't go away.

And all new "You Go Girl" is up next.

Quite everybody,

here come my big scene.

Mr. Heart, can I have a bathroom pass?

Wow, who found that skateboard?

Yeah yeah yeah,

props to props.

Good job.

Here's to you.

- Nathan.

- Huh?

Put it down.

Fine.

I bought it.

You didn't buy it.

See you later Adam.

Hey take it easy Terry.

Good job tonight.

Ready to leaving?

- Uh, are you?

- Sure.

See you later.

Well I was giving you a ride home.

Oh that's alright I already have on.

Excuse me just for a second.

Leg rubber.

The cloths on the show look great.

What are you working on at the moment?

Well, I'm writing that

reality show called "Assisted Living".

Takes place in an old age home.

How can it be real if you're write it?

Isn't she cute.

- Cracking show.

- Good night.

Thanks Rosie.

- Thanks to come.

- Good night.

Bree, excellent episode.

- I'm concerned?

- Why?

I think Adam's broad humor

cheapens your wonderful writing.

Thinks about it.

Good night.

Nice meeting you uh...

- bat boy.

- Joey.

- Now take this off.

- No I feel naked.

Show some skin.

He's just in there.

- My bra straps are showing.

- Don't show 'em to me show them to him.

Good luck.

Here Ma.

I have receipts.

- Is Jeannie gone?

- Everyone's gone.

You know what's so cool.

I talked to my grandmother,

she invited over all of her neighbors,

she's like the fit of the condo.

You want something to drink?

Beer.

It's weird you know,

it's like one minute you're watching

Jarred lose weight eating subways

and then it's you.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Pretty heavy stuff.

- I don't want to wake up Izzie.

- She's not here. She's with her father.

When's she coming back?

Sunday.

So we're all alone then?

Yep.

Just you and me.

Mrs. Robinson you're

trying to seduce to me.

You would like me to seduce you?

Yes!

I've missed you.

I've missed you too.

You are so dead.

Nice. Lovely. Frame.

Get up get up get up.

Oh yes, yes.

Uh.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

(Phone rings)

Don't answer that.

That's my Mom.

I'm sorry

Hey Mom.

- Guess what your father did?

- Yeah, look can I call you back?

Oh sh*t, I left my condoms in the car.

Wait here.

You know, one day frat boy here is going

to want to get somebody pregnant.

So?

So by the time he's ready

you're going to be as brittle

as those rice cakes you live on.

There's more to love than having babies.

- He's just using you.

- That is so wrong.

He already has the job.

Let me in, I forgot my keys.

You'd loose your head

if it wasn't attached.

Give this to Adam would you?

That's this?

We collected his real phone by accident.

- Tell him I'm sorry.

- Ok, sure.

Well we got a 7.2 rating.

Yeah but "David Spade"

got twice as much.

Yes.

But you have to look at the lead in.

See, even though

their numbers look higher

we went up from "Candy Strippers".

So...

You understand how TV works now?

Yeah yeah yeah.

Everyone love "David Spade".

Would you forget about "David Spade"?

Anyway we went up 2 points.

They have to be happy about that.

What do you love most about me?

Who said I love you?

Oh come on.

I'm not saying that.

First.

- What if we tell...

- Oh by God.

Weren't you on "You Go Girl" this week?

You were so funny.

Oh that scene where they

teach you to dance was so funny.

Thank you.

I mean,

I don't usually watch "You Go Girl".

- It's gone so down hill.

- Oh I don't know about that.

But that episode,

was the best in months.

Is that the check?

I can give this you?

Yeah, sure.

She was great.

Did you know Marty Green?

He's president of comedy development.

Yeah I know him.

He wants me to go with him

to the network on Friday.

A new show or...

I don't now.

It was so great meeting you.

I hope you don't think this is too pushy

but I'd love to give you my head shot.

Uh, also I have a reel.

And I'm studying the Misner method

with Jeff Goldblum.

Maybe if you can give it

to the "You Go Girl" people.

Well I put my number there.

Look.

Thanks.

He's had a little taste of fame and now

it's time to see what it can get him.

He's not interested.

Let me show you something.

Notice the large hip to waist ratio.

That's not his type.

Fertility is everyone's type

wether they realize it or not.

This butt is screaming estrogen.

Not to mention her odor

and excess body hair.

Now she can starve it, she can wax it,

she can deodorize it,

but he will pick up the signals.

Signals your body isn't sending.

No matter how well you preserve it.

That's how it is for animals, not us.

Your hopeless!

Are these any good?

Well the coffee came really fast.

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