I Feel Pretty Page #6

I'm sorry it didn't go

the way you wanted it to.

I mean, it was awesome.

Yeah. No, it didn't.

It went way better.

What?

We each get two free drinks

and an appetizer!

That's what I was hoping.

- On the house.

- What are the parting gifts?

I was looking

at the coconut shrimp

'cause I didn't get

any hot dog.

You snooze,

you lose your hot dog.

You're really not upset?

No, not really.

I mean, these things are

so, like, political.

- Yeah.

- I won't get into all of it.

Mostly because

I have no information...

No, I can see

a place like this

running kind of a shady...

Yeah. I feel like I did win.

The crowd was going crazy.

And you know what,

I know I look good.

I don't need some, like, room

of drunk guys to confirm that.

Can I be you when I grow up?

You should've won,

you were ripped off.

Thanks.

I think I've earned this,

right?

That was just sitting there.

That's not even mine.

Mmm. (SPITS)

(SIGHS)

Renee.

I thought I smelled

animal products.

- Mmm.

- Can I ask you something?

Mmm-hmm.

Just because you seem to have

such great insight

about our diffusion line

earlier.

Yeah, of course.

I'm here to help.

My grandma is coming

to review everything

for the big pitch to the

Target people in Boston,

and I just really

want to make sure

that I get everything right.

Super, yeah.

- Oh!

- So, I had this great idea.

You know how

at our traditional outlets

like Bergdorf's

or Bloomingdale's,

we have a dedicated makeup

counter with a specialist

to help teach

about the products

and how to apply them.

I thought what if,

even at Target,

during our peak hours,

we offer the same thing

to our diffusion line

customers.

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t, you hate it.

No, I don't hate it.

No, if you think it's a shitty

idea, please tell me,

'cause I am really freaking

out about this whole thing.

From what I can gather,

just, you know,

from my friends,

those professionals

at the makeup counter

are actually a deterrent.

There's these, like, beautiful

statuesque women

just staring at you,

with your pimples and your

asymmetrical face,

and they just make you

feel bad about yourself.

I mean, it makes them

feel bad about themselves.

That's why these regular girls

flock to the anonymous aisles

of a big superstore.

So they can just go in

and buy their makeup

without somebody

standing there,

making them just feel like

they're not good enough.

Like it's a waste of time

to even try.

I'm just a stupid idiot,

dumb b*tch.

Oh, my God. You?

No, you're not.

You're, like, amazing.

You're everything I could

ever want to be.

It's this voice.

Your voice? You...

Something wrong

with your voice?

I haven't noticed anything...

It's a little high-pitched.

I sound like a freaking moron.

- No.

- But I'm not...

I've got a JD/MBA

from Wharton.

I clerked for

a Supreme Court Justice.

But it's this voice,

I can't kick it.

I've tried everything.

Vocal coaches...

That's it, actually,

just vocal coaches,

but still nothing.

Coaches, okay.

That's why I feel really lucky

to have someone

like you here, Renee.

Someone like me?

Someone who knows

the clientele

that we're going after,

someone who can

speak to that world.

Yeah.

There's a dinner coming up.

I'd love for you to come.

A dinner? Oh, my gosh.

You can bring

your boyfriend or your

girlfriend or however

they identify,

just, if you have one.

No, I... Uh...

I guess I actually...

I do have somebody

that I could invite

right now. Yeah.

And he identifies as a guy.

I mean, he's... There are some

very feminine aspects to him,

but it's part of his charm.

You'll see.

Okay, good.

Hey.

Hi.

- Ready to get some dinner?

- Yeah, I'm starving.

- All right, let's do it.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Pretty hungry myself.

Where you coming from?

Oh, I was just, uh,

down the street.

Nowhere, hanging out.

You're sweaty.

I was working out,

but I showered.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Were you at Zumba?

Zumba?

Is that what it's called?

I don't...

I never pay attention.

Yeah. Yeah, it's called Zumba.

It's pretty...

Like a female workout.

That's, like, a girl's...

- Is it?

- (LAUGHING) Yes!

I don't... It's a workout.

- I don't go to gyms...

- Oh, my God...

...'cause I don't like

all the machismo,

so I go where the ladies go.

- Oh, I get it.

- Not a big deal. Get what?

You're that guy.

"Go to the gym

to pick up chicks" guy.

I am 100% not the "go to

the gym to meet chicks" guy.

Really? Zumba?

No, I am the guy

who sits

next to you for, like,

four years in high school

and wants to ask you out,

but I chicken out

like I always do,

and then I get online

and monitor your status

for 10 years,

hoping that you'll be single

at the reunion,

but if you're not,

you're married,

that's great, don't care.

- You're happy for her?

- I'm happy for her.

That's not real, by the way.

By the way, that's not real.

That's me painting a picture.

- That sounded pretty real.

- I mean...

Let's go to dinner.

When I started to say it,

I regretted it.

What was the picture's name?

Rachel.

Yeah. You can have one grape.

Where have you met the girls

you've mostly dated? You know?

Uh... Well, honestly,

I don't date that much.

Well, that's really weird.

- Is it?

- 'Cause neither do I.

- What?

- No, I really don't.

I know it seems like...

You're saying it

'cause I said it.

No, it seems like I have

all this experience, I know,

and that's kind of like

what I put out there,

but I've dated...

I've been

in three relationships.

- Really?

- Yeah,

and one of them had

a girlfriend. I didn't know.

I did not know. We were dating

for a couple months,

and then I get a phone call

from this girl,

like, "This is his

girlfriend," I was like...

- Oh...

- "This is his girlfriend."

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

I would cry so hard.

Did you cry?

- (LAUGHS)

- Don't answer that.

- Don't answer that.

- Yes, I cried.

- Why did I ask if you cried?

- No, you're a sensitive...

Ah! That's not what

a dude would ask.

What about... Is that

your class over there?

- Do you want to... No...

- Okay.

I'm strictly indoor Zumba.

I would never

do outdoor Zumba.

What's the move they're doing

right now called?

ETHAN:
That's called

the star hop.

- (LAUGHS)

- It's not a full jump.

You are...

You are quite a man, Ethan.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I got to read more Maxim

or something.

Ew, please don't read Maxim.

You're perfect.

I'm not perfect,

but I do think that you are.

Whatever, Wheat-Thin.

I'm being serious.

You're, like, so yourself

or something,

I don't know, it's cool.

No, keep talking. (LAUGHS)

Uh, I think a lot of people

are confused about themselves.

They, like, obsess over

whatever negative quality

they perceive in themselves

and they completely miss

the thing that really

makes them awesome.

You, like, know who you are

and you don't really care

how the world sees you.

You're so yourself, too.

I mean, you have no idea

who you are. (LAUGHS)

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