I Feel Pretty Page #8

- All right.

I'm going to be like

the ultimate wing woman.

And when

they pay attention to me,

I'll just redirect them

to you.

- Oh.

- That's my whole plan.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay.

There's... Okay.

- Hey, y'all. I am Renee.

- MEN:
Hey.

- Hey.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- You guys,

what are we talking about?

Renee, where are you from?

Oh.

No, I see

what's happening here.

No, redirect that energy

all over here.

(CHUCKLES)

Not all over her face,

but you and I are

not going to happen.

Lyle, I like your scarf.

Oh, really, this little thing.

You don't think it's too much?

Is it hand-knit?

'Cause I actually

do some loom weaving.

I don't know

how to make a scarf,

but once I made a Native

American medicine bag.

Actually, my sister studies

18th-century textiles online.

Actually,

a little bit about Viv

that's unexpected.

She was thrown

out of eighth grade

for showing everybody

her boobies.

We all have a past.

And look, don't sleep on Jane.

Yes, she's dressed

like an old man

watering his lawn,

it doesn't matter.

Because once she gets

out of these clothes,

she has a sick body.

I can tell you guys have

a lot of sexual energy.

You know what, I feel like

we could use

some more drinks.

The ladies will be right back.

Yeah.

Okay. You guys get a drink,

and I'll hang with the boys.

No, no. You're coming with.

Come on. No.

RENEE:
Okay.

- Hey.

- What are you doing to us?

I'm trying to help you guys,

you serious?

(SCOFFS) What?

I'm setting you up

for success.

Just be hotter.

You got to lead

with your hotness.

And then let them find out

how boring you are later.

You think we're boring?

Let's start over, okay.

You guys are going to be fun.

Let's have a blast.

I'm feeling like shots.

You guys want shots?

You guys are crazy.

Oh, hi. Hi, how are you?

Can we have six shots

of Fireball?

- All right.

- (CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God. Obsessed with me.

Is he staring?

- No.

- Yeah.

We always

dance together like crazy.

Back it up!

- Not to me.

- Please, don't do that to her.

Renee.

Can I sit here?

(CHUCKLES)

I'm a slightly nervous flyer,

so I took a few things.

Oh, cool.

Okay, yeah.

This is absolutely nuts.

I'm bugging,

I'm bugging right out,

right now.

Well, if things go

like I expect they will,

we have a lot more trips

like this in our future.

What are you talking about?

Like vacays to the Maldives?

No, I was thinking

more like Akron

or Milwaukee,

where we have our factories.

Okay. Okay.

I thought we were going

a different way with it,

but cool.

Oh, I also want to

give you a title.

Something like...

VP of diffusion line,

if you like that?

Okay. I have a title?

VP of the diffusion line!

Wait, should I get,

like, a standing desk

or something?

Is that too fancy?

No, those people always look

like they work at Verizon,

but I don't know.

Are you sure you don't want to

sit near the snacks?

I don't want to hog them.

There's just, like, so many.

So, let's talk

about the keynote speech.

So I put the whole thing

on my tablet.

I can hook up to a Bluetooth,

or I can just be on a remote.

I can go to a flat screen...

Shh...

- Okay.

- We'll be great...

I'm just going to be quiet.

(WHISPERS)

Come up there? Okay.

Hi.

She see me?

- Avery?

- Yeah.

No. It's an hour flight.

Word will probably get out.

Yeah, but once we're up

in the air, it's too late.

I didn't know you were coming.

Oh, yeah,

I'm just hitching a ride

to the Yankees-Red Sox game.

So cool.

Are you pleasantly surprised?

- That you're coming?

- Yeah.

Mmm-hmm.

- Good. Me, too.

- (INTERCOM DINGS)

PILOT:
Good morning,

welcome aboard. This is Dan,

your captain speaking.

About 35 minutes up to Boston,

skies are clear.

Sit back, relax

and enjoy the ride.

"What we really wanna say

to our customer is that, yes,

"we have made these items

"cheaper for her

and easier to use.

"But really...

"But really what

we've made them is better...

"...is better for her.

- "Because we love her."

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

No, thank you.

"Because we love her..."

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh.

Hey.

Hi.

So, I'm...

I'm right next door.

(LAUGHING) That's crazy.

Do you mind if I come in

and make a quick phone call?

That okay? Great, thanks.

- Yeah, the phone is...

- Right here?

The phone... Yeah.

(DIALING)

Hey, yeah, can I get

the steelhead salmon?

And you can leave off

the gremolata,

and the tartlette of leek

and chanterelles.

- You want anything?

- Oh, no. I'm fine.

Mozzarella sticks?

- Mozzarella sticks.

- Mozzarella sticks, okay.

If you want them,

I don't even like them.

- But if you like them...

- No, I want them.

And a couple of orders

of mozzarella sticks.

Right. Thanks.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- Why can't you order?

- Yeah.

So, Avery had

all the room charges

blocked from my room.

(LAUGHING)

Hey, it's not funny.

See, if I'd known

she was going to do that,

I would have just

asked to room with you

from the beginning.

Huh.

Right. (LAUGHS)

This is cute. These pigtails.

Yeah.

Don't see them

so much these days.

Yeah, two of them.

Yeah, saw the other one

around there.

Yeah.

It's nice.

Thanks.

So, they got you

the big suite, huh?

Yeah.

This is, like, twice the size

of my room.

It's bigger than my apartment.

God, look at the size

of this bed.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's...

I'll just put this there.

...just a bandage from my leg.

- (GRUNTS)

- Um...

I'm supposed to go

meet your sister at the bar,

to go over the presentation.

I'll just leave as soon as

the food comes, then.

Wow.

Looks like

you're totally prepared

for this meeting tomorrow.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure you'll just

dazzle them, as per usual.

I dazzle?

Please, like you don't know.

Come on, you dazzle my sister,

my grandma, me.

What?

Come here, sit down.

I don't know

how you do it, Renee.

But you've gotten

a whole lot of women

who always think

they know best

to sit up

and take notice of you.

(CHUCKLES)

And what you think,

and who you are.

Me?

Yeah, I can't even get

my room charges covered.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, but a lot of women

notice you, too.

Maybe, but that's just

'cause of my family's money.

Uh...

I think.

Yeah, no.

Maybe not?

No.

Problem is, I never

really know, you know?

No, I don't.

Except, you know, with you,

I feel like

I actually do know.

That I'm gunning

for your money?

Every last cent of it.

- (PHONE CHIMES)

- Oh...

Uh...

I am wet...

Excuse me?

...with diarrhea.

- Oh.

- Yeah, I...

I need you to go,

'cause I just feel how much

I'm getting diarrhea.

Okay.

And I don't want you

to see the diarrhea.

(SIGHS)

(PHONE THUDS)

Who are you?

Who are you?

GRANT:
Hey, Renee,

the food's here.

I guess I'll head off.

(THUDS)

(GROANS)

(WATER STOPS)

(COUGHS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Renee, whoa, are you okay?

Yeah, never better.

I'm looking

for Avery LeClaire.

I'm supposed to meet her down

here, but I'm really late.

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