I Feel Pretty Page #9

Have you seen her?

You've got blood spurting out

of your head.

Oh, yeah, it really hurts.

What are you doing here?

I'm just getting ready

for the Target pitch tomorrow.

They want me

to do some AV stuff.

Wait a minute.

You recognize me?

Yeah.

You recognize me right now,

no problem?

Yeah, I mean, the blood

threw me a little, but...

Oh, my God,

I knew I felt different.

Oh, my God.

Please let it not be gone.

Please, God.

Please, please, please.

(SIGHS)

No, no, no.

No!

(SOBBING)

It's gone! It's gone!

I said, "Who are you?"

into the foggy mirror,

and I hit my head.

I must've broken the spell,

and it's gone!

(SOBBING)

I knew it.

I knew it couldn't last!

Why would this last?

You're so stupid, Renee!

What's wrong with you?

I'm back to being me!

Okay.

I need you to give this

to Avery LeClaire.

It has everything she needs

for the presentation.

She's going to think

she can't do it, but she can.

Why?

Aren't you going to do it?

I wish I could be there,

but I can't.

Will you tell her?

- Okay.

- Okay.

FEMALE ANNOUNCER:

Flight 1116 to New York

is now boarding at gate C-17.

- (SNORING)

- (PHONE RINGING)

Oh, no.

AVERY:
(ON VOICEMAIL)

Renee, I did the pitch.

I did it just like you said,

but coming from me,

it just didn't sound right.

Now we're doing

this giant launch event

to show everyone

how great the line is,

and we need you. Call me!

(COMPUTER CHIMING)

- Hey, you're home!

- (YELLS)

Oh, sh*t, hello?

Are you okay?

What just happened?

Um... Uh... I...

Oh, God.

My back. I broke it.

Just now?

No, no, no. Um...

At the airplane.

Well, that sucks.

What if I come over

and take care of you?

No, no, no, no.

Okay...

They're spraying for ants.

Oh, well, then, Renee,

you shouldn't be there anyway.

That's horrible.

That's like poison stuff.

I'll come get you.

No, I really want to be here

for the ant removal.

I don't want them

to remove the ones I like.

And I don't really look

my best right now. So I...

Obviously,

I don't believe that.

I think you look great

all the time.

How about this?

Saturday night,

I'll take you out.

You're probably gonna be

recovered by then, right?

Mmm-hmm. Yes.

Okay. I miss you.

I miss you, too.

Oh, it seems like

you're standing right there.

- Is your back all right now?

- No.

It looked like

you had gotten...

No, that's a coincidence

'cause I'm not up.

Don't rush this if you...

Darling, if all you have

is a pack of gum, please.

Wait! Why her? What about me?

I'm standing right here.

All I have is this cookie.

Is it because

she's so beautiful?

I didn't even see you in line.

Yeah, right.

You probably have all these

cookies at your house

from all the 20-year-olds

that you bang!

And you don't even deserve it!

They just want your money,

so now you know that.

- Hi, darling.

- Hi, honey.

You found the ginkgo biloba.

- You okay?

- Mmm-hmm.

I would like to apologize.

I did not know your situation

and it's very beautiful.

You are two beautiful

aging white men.

Thank you.

(LOUD BUZZING)

(DOOR SLAMS)

I know, it's all gone.

I brought you these cookies.

They're covered in chocolate.

Okay, you're so drunk.

And there's a picture

of a cat on safari.

I know you just assume

you can just

drop by whenever you want

because your loser friends

have no plans.

But we're about to go to

"Escape the Room."

(GASPS) It's the Grouper guys.

Hey, Groupers!

Don't call them that.

RENEE:
Where's your scarf at?

I want to go to the room

you pay to be locked in.

I don't really feel like

being embarrassed

or insulted tonight, so no.

You don't want to go with me

because I'm not

pretty anymore.

Look, why do you think

everyone cares

what you look like?

Like, we're your friends

because you were fun

and funny and kind.

And then I don't know

what happened.

I could tell you

what happened.

All my wildest dreams

came true,

and then it was gone.

Renee, will you just

listen to yourself?

Your wildest dream

is that you were beautiful?

That is so sad!

Yeah, like,

we never gave a sh*t

what you looked like.

Guys,

I just want us to go back

to how we were before.

Can't we just do that?

Can't we just go back?

No. And we have to go, so...

All of us? We all can go?

No.

Just us and not the guys?

Absolutely not.

(SOBBING)

Okay. Okay, I understand.

Well, I have my cell phone on

if anybody changes their mind.

(PHONE CHIMING)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

Whoa!

I'm sorry. Sorry.

- MAN:
You okay?

- Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

What am I even worried about?

There's no way he's going

to recognize me.

(SIGHS)

(PHONE DINGS)

Are you here alone?

No.

(STUTTERS)

Yes.

(HIGH-PITCHED) Technically,

but I'm meeting my boyfriend.

Oh, right. Okay.

Of course.

Well, how about I buy you

a drink while you wait?

No, I really shouldn't.

(IMITATING ACCENT)

Well, why not?

Just killin' time,

you're waitin' for your boyfriend.

I'm waitin' for my girlfriend.

(IN NORMAL VOICE)

Your girlfriend?

Did you say

that she's your girlfriend?

I did say that.

And I hope that's okay.

No, I'm sure

she, like, loves it.

But what...

What's she like?

Like, your girlfriend...

That's your girlfriend?

She is pretty amazing.

Funny and smart.

And the most beautiful girl

in the world.

And here I am,

"How did I get this lady?"

And I did.

(VOICE BREAKING)

I can't... Excuse me.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey.

Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not going

to be able to make it tonight.

Um...

I can't do this.

I don't know what we're doing.

You, me, any of it.

I can't do it. I'm sorry.

Okay, wait. Hold on.

I didn't mean

to freak you out,

I'm sorry. I really thought

we were just having fun.

No, we were having fun.

That's not it. Um...

Um... I...

I don't know

what to say to you.

It's over.

Well, look,

you don't have to... Don't.

Let's not do it

over the phone.

Wherever you are,

I'll come and meet you,

and let's talk.

No, no, no. You can't come

where I am.

Why?

You can't see me anymore.

I'm not who you think I am.

And that's it? I think I...

I think I deserve

better than that.

You deserve much better

than this.

You deserve much better

than me.

I'm sorry.

- Hey...

- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Hi. Hi, it's me.

- I know, yeah.

- I really need bike 34.

Oh, um...

I need to recreate the magic

of that last class.

Oh. We would like it

if you don't recreate that.

I'll be fine. I just...

I really, really need it.

Okay. There.

- What's up, SoHo, you ready?

- (CHEERING)

This is your ride!

This is your time!

Reach inside your pelvis,

core engaged!

I want you to set an intention

for this ride!

I got one!

If your intention

was for change,

the change is already here,

and your miracle's

already here.

Yes, it is!

Today you're going

to see that person

that you've always

wanted to be!

Change your mind!

Change your body!

Change your life!

Are you ready?

ALL:
Yeah!

Here we go!

In three, two, one! Up!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(MUFFLED SOBBING)

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