I Give It a Year Page #4

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- All right. Pound it.

- Yes. Oh.

I got an idea. Let's sit down,

let's talk some business. Huh?

(Nat) Mr Harrap, we're delighted

that you've come to us

to take Harraps Solvents forward

and rebrand in the fresh challenges

presented by the new media climate.

Awesome. Totally awesome. Bingo, huh?

We're very pleased with some of the concepts

we've come up with

for the new incarnation of Harraps.

Yeah, as long as you don't fob me off

with some yellow-and-green font.

I mean, how many times have we seen that, right?

Yes, exactly. No.

Too many! Far...

(stammering) What we were pla...

What we were thinking is to take...

- a holistic approach...

- (Guy) Mmm-hmm.

...focusing on the core brand values

of integrity...

Integrity.

Got it. Thank you.

...responsibility...

- that epitomise...

- Mmm.

...what Harraps stands for.

Harraps. That's very good.

Well, to be honest, at Oxford,

my economics professor

favoured a fully integrated

four-quadrant strategy

cohesive across all media,

presenting an instantly accessible,

aesthetic, philosophical and commercial identity

consistent with an ethical

contemporary market leader

whilst embracing its legacy of integrity.

Yeah, baby!

(Clare giggling) That's Austin Powers.

I love that film.

- I'm so sorry, I just...

- I know.

You thought I was a tasteless Yank

obsessed with how quaint you all are.

That's so quaint.

It's incredibly embarrassing.

But we have plenty of

other proposals to show you.

No, I don't need to see them.

These things aren't done in boardrooms.

We should get to know each other, Miss Redfearn.

A holistic approach, as you say.

(Nat chuckles)

Well, agreed, but, uh,

but from the outset, you should

know that I've just got, um...

another account that I have to focus on

for the next few days.

- It's been a pleasure.

- Thanks.

- I'm so sorry again for the...

- No, please.

Bye.

(mouths)

When we first met, I just thought

Josh was exactly what I needed.

You know, I felt...

so safe, and then...

(mobile ringing)

I think what she's trying to say is,

is that the everyday reality of marriage

started to overtake the fairytale,

- the fantasy, right?

- Ooh, hark at you.

Somebody swallowed a copy of Eat, Pray, Love.

- No, I think as... we...

- (mobile ringing)

I'm gonna have to take this.

Yep, fine, I'm in a session.

Can't you pick them up?

Give me two minutes.

Talk about your feelings

or your father or something.

(Angela Rippon) Coming up on Cash in the Attic,

a delightful silver brooch

made by a celebrated war hero.

The bin's full.

- Can you take it out?

- Yeah.

The One Tree Hill omnibus is about to start.

Lauren's about to tell Jake

that baby Connor's not his.

(GASPS) Oh, Christ.

Your husband is so adorable.

Yes. He really is.

So ostentatious.

Have you seen my phone?

No. When did you last have it?

Well, if I knew that,

it wouldn't be lost, would it?

That's the point of something being lost.

(grunts)

You're always here.

Why are you always here?

(frog croaking over laptop)

Come and have a look at this video

of a monkey f***ing a bullfrog.

He's killed it!

He's killed it by f***ing it!

(grunts)

( Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics)

(singing along)

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world in generic jeans

Everybody's...

Seriously, Nat.

Seriously, hang on a sec.

Why do you never get the words to a song right?

Does it really matter?

What, "I've travelled the world

in generic jeans"?

Really? Come on.

I was just singing.

Didn't realise it was so important.

Do you really think that

Annie Lennox is singing about

whether she happened to travel

the world in Levis or Wranglers?

(chuckles)

Okay. Wow.

And while we're at it, Elton John isn't singing,

"Hold me close and tie me down, sir."

Kurt Cobain isn't singing,

"Here we are now in containers."

If you can't sing it right,

don't sing at all. It's idiotic.

Says the man dressed as a pea.

(Linda) I can't believe we're having

the same f***ing row!

Oh! Not listening!

Not listening! Not listening!

No! F*** you!

(grunts) Oh, my God, you're such an arsehole!

Yes, you are!

You are such a cock-sucking,

sh*t-stabbing, f***ing arsehole!

I could just f***ing stab you right in the eyes!

What the f*** are you looking at?

You could do with a f***!

No, not you! Nobody wants to f*** you!

You f***ing frigid arsehole!

Yeah, f*** you!

(Guy) So, here we are.

The hub of the Harraps empire.

What do you think?

Hopefully, you can see why I wanted you

to check this place out.

It's state-of-the-art and responsible

for a turnover last year of 37 million.

If you squirted air from a large space

into a slightly smaller space last year,

chances are you did it through one of these.

Every time I squirt out a little bit of air,

I'll think of you.

That sounded weird, but you know what I mean.

Yeah, sure.

There's someone I want you to meet.

Janet's been working here for, what, 42 years?

Forty-three in June. Hello.

Yep, my grandfather exploited her,

my father exploited her,

now I get to exploit her.

He's a good lad, this one.

He takes care of us.

You won't find anybody here

with a bad word to say about him.

Except Sarah.

But she's a proper shithouse.

Really?

He just needs to settle down, start a family.

So, what do you think?

- Wife material?

- Definitely.

Better than the last one.

You should see some of the...

Yeah, I could dock your wages

for insubordination.

Get back to work.

Clostridium acetobutylicum

doesn't acidogenically ferment itself.

(chuckles)

It looks like you've got

the Janet seal of approval.

I'm not sure I'm the marrying type.

You realise you'd be the heir

to a solvents fortune.

And that's not to be sniffed at.

Literally, it could result in convulsions,

coma, severe brain damage,

and in some cases, mental retardation.

(laughs)

They do all seem remarkably happy here.

Is it the fumes?

These people, they're like family to me.

I've grown up on this factory floor.

I spent every summer here since I was two.

If you're good to people,

people will be good to you.

It's what my dad taught me.

It's what I want to teach my kids.

And I want to end all wars and cure cancer.

(laughs)

- All right?

- Yeah. What?

You really... You don't have to come

tonight if you don't want to.

No, I want to be there.

Your husband should support you.

You look incredible.

I warn you, you'll be bored to tears

'cause I'm gonna have to network all night.

- (door buzzing)

- That's the cab. Seriously.

- Last chance to bail.

- No, I want to go. I love a party.

Uh, will I need a coat? Is it cold out?

Why do you always ask me that?

How should I know if you need a coat?

I've been outside today,

you've been outside today.

I have precisely the same amount

of meteorological information as you do.

Josh!

(dance music playing)

(inaudible)

I wouldn't want to be stuck behind him

going through airport security.

(laughs)

(speaking Japanese)

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