I Give It a Year Page #8

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Us having cocktails.

There was a beautiful bar

at the top of the hotel.

We'd go there every evening.

Us having more cocktails.

(clock ticking softly)

(ice cubes tinkling)

It was a junior suite.

Uh... Not terribly expensive.

Lovely view of the orchards.

In fact, you can... If you just...

You can just see in the

background there, the... Phwoar.

That's doggy style.

Nat's favourite. Isn't it, Nat?

(whistling cheerfully)

(Naomi) Why don't I drive?

You drive like you've got a vagina.

You could do.

Or I could glue myself to a deckchair

and you could kick me down a stairwell.

Both about as enjoyable.

Both about as likely to happen.

Why do you do it?

Why are you still together?

You hate each other.

Of course we do, but that's marriage.

I mean, you embrace the hatred.

And I married a man who wears driving gloves.

Actually helps you get purchase.

Don't say "purchase".

But how do you know that the hate

won't outweigh the love?

How do you know there's not

someone better out there for you?

Well, Christ, there is.

Of course there is.

But marriage is about living

with the imperfections, isn't it?

I mean, look at that stupid ginger face.

It's true. I'd miss her.

Look at those beautiful eyes, big warm heart.

You know, she hasn't aged a day since I met her.

And as you get to know each other more,

well, you love each other more.

No, don't you try and kiss me.

- Did you forget something?

- Yeah.

- We're gonna hit traffic, you know.

- Yeah, you will.

(Josh) Tonight should be interesting.

They could be really right for each other.

Because Chloe's so sweet,

and Guy seems all right.

What do you think? What about that?

No?

Yeah.

Chloe's lovely.

I don't know how you let her slip away.

What, Chloe? No!

She's too nice. She's too perfect.

A little of Chloe goes a long way.

Yeah, I mean, she can be kind of grating.

Totally. This one? Rugby?

No?

But Guy, I mean, he's quite a catch.

He's just your type, really.

(scoffs) No, he's too slick for his own good.

Bit too American.

You're my type.

I don't really go for good-looking.

Oh.

Hi. Great to see you.

You're looking very sexy.

And, Nat, you look good, too.

(laughing)

Uh, you two pop yourselves down.

I'm gonna nip off to the little boys' room.

See if I can find myself some little boys.

Obviously not.

Just gonna go for a quick wee.

Not the other.

Sorry about that.

So, is tonight not a bit weird?

Do you promise not to get insanely jealous?

(laughs)

Honestly.

Chloe is fantastic. You'll love her.

She's the best. The best!

She's so kind. Wonderfully kind.

- Mmm. Mmm.

- And pretty. She's very pretty.

Definitely, she's so pretty.

Hundred percent.

Hey, Chloe, you're here.

Yeah. Look, if this is weird, I can go.

It's just that, you know, you set it up

and you didn't seem to mind.

No, I don't mind, it's not weird.

Why would I find it weird?

Listen, the bloke's a bit of a twat,

but you might like him.

Oh, yeah! I love a twat.

Single girl, looking for a guy.

No non-twats considered.

Oh, sh*t. Okay, they've seen us.

Let's go do this.

Okay, final game.

It's Brits one, Yanks one.

We owe this to our great nation

to win this, Chloe.

- Let's do it.

- Yes, sir!

Just look at us. We're all getting on

like a house on fire.

I've never really understood that phrase.

- (laughs)

- Exactly why is it good

to get on like a house on fire? I mean,

there might be small kids left inside.

- Think of them.

- (Chloe) I know!

And the possibility of asphyxiation...

(Josh) Or at the very least,

the loss of any no-claims bonus.

(laughs)

It's just a metaphor.

It means something that's

uncontrollable, has momentum.

Exactly. So, tell me this.

What would be the first thing

you'd save in a fire? Let me guess.

- Jimmy Choos.

- Your wedding ring.

(laughs)

Well, obviously my wedding ring.

But I've got two hands, haven't I?

She does love that ring.

The first thing I noticed about you.

Wasn't it?

(sighs)

Sorry, Nat. Excuse me.

F*** off.

Yeah, that's too bad.

I'd probably rescue that necklace that I got you

when we got engaged in Venice.

That's sweet. It's beautiful.

How about you, Chloe?

I'm guessing something sentimental, emotional?

Um...

- It's your shot, Guy.

- Sorry?

- It's your shot, mate.

- Sorry.

You wouldn't really head for the shoes,

though, would you, Chloe?

Fashion's not really your thing.

(Guy) Why would it be?

I mean, look at her.

She'd make anything look fantastic.

(scoffs)

- She'd make a sack look incredible.

- (Chloe giggling) Thanks.

Good shot.

Yeah, it's like, what's the opposite of,

"You cannot polish a turd"?

She's an already polished turd.

She's a turd buffed to a high sheen.

Thanks.

(Josh) Unlucky, pal.

Yeah, honestly, if the stuff burnt up,

I think I'd just view it

as a chance to start over,

you know, have a new adventure. I'm not

too bothered by material possessions.

All right, come down on it a bit.

Come on.

And use your arm to go back and forth with it

so you really get a nice pumping action.

Then go through the ball,

and you want to hit it on the edge there.

Ah, ah, ah! If you put the cue

between your thumb and your first finger,

you'll find it easier to get...

That's it.

Now get this moving before you take the shot.

Come down a bit lower on it.

Don't take the...

Come on, not that low.

That's it.

Now play through the ball, and breathe.

There's no point, is there?

If we're not gonna do it properly,

it's like, what's the point?

- There's no point in playing, is there?

- Nice try.

(Chloe) Oh, I think it's my shot.

I think Chloe's right.

I mean, nice things is great,

but ultimately, so what?

As long as the people you love are safe.

That's it. You got that?

- (Guy laughs)

- (Josh) Good shot, Chloe.

- (laughs)

- Did you see that?

That was... Wow!

(Chloe) I can't believe it. Oh!

- It'll never happen again.

- Oh, it will. Be positive.

(Chloe) No. Once in a lifetime.

It's so sweet,

what you said about that necklace.

(Josh) Yeah.

- I should wear it more often.

- Okay. What do you think?

- I think you're good on your own.

- Oh, you touched the cue ball.

- Oh.

- So...

- Really?

- I mean, if you want to play proper...

No, it's fine if you want to...

- Okay.

- Sorry.

- Happens all the time, don't worry.

- I'm sorry.

It's two shots if...

- No, no, it's cool. You...

- All right. No, no. No, go ahead.

- I don't want to be a dick about it...

- No!

- Too late.

- Are you sure?

- Take your two shots.

- Fine.

- Well, that was fun.

- Yeah.

We should do it again.

What do you say, Josh?

Give you Brits a chance for revenge?

Oh, yeah, 'cause...

When my elbow's a bit better,

I'll be able to give you

a much better game. Probably win.

Yeah, that sounds fun.

Can I walk you to your car?

Oh, you know, I'm just gonna catch a cab,

but you can wait with me if you like.

- Be my pleasure.

- Okay.

Actually, Guy, do you mind

if I quickly grab you for two minutes?

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