I Love You, Daddy Page #10

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Sent me over here

to get this sh*t.

I did not kick her out.

Yeah, I know. She's pretty full of sh*t.

I catch her lying all the time.

So, it was about Leslie?

Look, I can't let her

be with some pervert, I...

He's 70 years old, you know.

And she's m...

Zasha, I'm sorry.

I-I don't need to dump-

dump this on you right now.

It's okay.

I mean, China's the real pervert here.

- China's a pervert?

- Yeah.

She has such a boner for Leslie,

it's hilarious.

You know, that's

always been her thing.

She had a teacher in 9th grade

who she tried to get to

come on to her.

Mr. Hoffman.

Mr. Hoffman?

Yeah.

Older dudes are sexy.

Whatever.

I used to have a boner

for you throughout my teens.

So normal.

I mean, everybody's a pervert.

I'm a pervert. We're all perverts.

Who cares?

Who cares how old you are? And...

who you are?

My cousin and I used to make out

when our families

spent summers together.

It was so hot.

I don't regret it.

I had a thing for you

when I was 14, so what?

So, really good job, Glen.

Just f***ing stellar parenting.

You let her go back to Florida.

You let her go to f***ing France

with Leslie Goodwin.

Then you kick her out.

And then you try to f***

her best friend who's 17.

I didn't even...

I didn't even...

Oh.

Sh...

F***.

Yeah.

Seriously. Very great fathering, Glen.

You're amazing.

What did China say?

No, I'm not doing that.

I'm not mediating for you,

you chickenshit.

She'll probably

never speak to you again.

And I'm not advocating for you.

I don't f***ing care.

How was-how was Peru?

I should've gone in my 20's.

I don't wanna break ya

Sure won't shake ya

I'll hold you so gentle

You'll never fall

'Cause you're my little China doll

I'll make you puddin'

Though I know I shouldn't

This f***ing guy, Leslie.

He has us shooting

this scene in Morocco, right?

A-and it's just,

you know, it's me and Sandy

we're having some

bullshit dialogue or whatever.

The show takes place

in San Francisco, mind you.

And so we fly the whole

production to Morocco.

And now we're shooting

in this little caf.

We're having to redress it

to pretend we're in America.

Why, again, you f***ing nut?

The walls.

The wa-yeah, the-

He wants Moroccan walls, right?

The cafs in Morocco have

these walls that are

that are made from

pigmented cement, and...

The colors come from

pigments that are long gone.

And, you know, there's nothing

like it. I had to have it.

The guy's gotta have it, right?

But the network

is shitting their pants

that we're shooting Morocco

for San Francisco for the walls.

Right? So, they're not

gonna stop it, right?

They shell out the bucks

'cause they're desperate

to get Leslie's first show.

But they gotta put their foot

down about somethin', you know?

So, they say, "Let's hire local

for the smaller parts."

So, for no reason whatsoever,

there's a guy, like the waiter

in the scene, he comes up, he says...

"Meh get ye anething els?"

And the one guy in the network,

like the head of the production guy,

he cries, like actual tears

are comin' out.

He's lookin' at the

monitor, cryin' like...

Glen.

Hi, Ralph.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

Ah, Glen, nice to see you.

Still ruinin' everyone's fun?

Yeah.

You okay?

Oh, I'm good, buddy.

- Yeah, I'm good.

- Good, good, good.

Congratulations, you're great

in the-in the show.

- You saw it?

- Of course.

You're great in it.

And the show is-is amazing.

Thank you, that's very kind.

- Ah, so, uh...

- You doing okay?

Yeah, yeah. No, look, hey,

I'm really good.

- Good, good.

- Yeah, why are you...

Why are you here?

You weren't nominated for anything.

Yeah, I know.

Did you even

make a show this year?

Yeah, I'm just hangin' around.

You're breakin' my heart.

Huh? Yeah.

All right, you know what, I gotta-

I'm gonna take a photograph.

It's good to see you, bud!

- Good to see you.

- You gonna stay, right?

- I'll decline, thanks.

- All right.

Good to see you, man.

Do you want to sit?

Yeah, sure.

How you been?

I've been well, I must say.

I like making television.

Episodes, I like that part.

- Good.

- That you make episodes.

Mm-hmm.

In fact, uh, it was

reading your script

that-that got me interested

in the first place.

Is that right?

I-I'll confess, I-I didn't know

exactly what you were going for.

I couldn't see the intent.

Intent.

But in reading it...

I... I got excited about

the idea of writing something

that didn't have an ending

and had no conclusion.

Which, they always

seem false to me.

Something about the fact that

that television is in episodes,

ongoing.

I like that.

How's China?

You haven't seen her?

Oh, not in a long while.

Oh, I thought...

I kinda lost her.

Yeah, well, that's

what they do, isn't it?

That's the best part.

The best part?

When they reject you.

What a thing.

To be loved by a girl

and then rejected by

the woman she becomes.

It's truly beautiful.

It's like a truffle.

If there were a

truffle pig for emotions,

and you sent it down into

the deepest hole in life...

That's the emotion

that it would come back with.

Amazing.

Anyway.

Uh, have a good

rest of your night, Glen.

You forgot your Emmy.

You can have it.

Mother, may I

Mother, may I please

Tell me what I gotta do

and I'll do it

But mother, may I

Glen.

Paula.

I know, it's kinda hard

being back here,

but not really being

you know, back here.

Paula, I f***ed up.

- No, you didn't.

- I f***ed up.

I had a...

real chance and

I f***ing blew it, Paula.

Please, it's all right, Glen.

- It's all right.

- No, I'm f-I'm nothin'.

- No, no, no, no.

- I'm nothin'.

- No.

- And it's too late.

- Shh...

- It's too late.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Glen, hey, Glen.

- Listen to me.

- I am nothing.

Listen to me.

You were a great writer.

Great.

Great writer.

And now you're not.

But Glen, listen.

In the meantime,

you and me got really good

at making television.

So why don't we

just keep doing that?

It doesn't have to be great.

It doesn't have to be

ground-breaking television.

What happened to

"damn good television?

Right? I mean, as long as

we know that's what we're doing.

I love working.

I know you love working.

Take your Emmys.

Put em on a shelf,

look at em every once in a while.

Remember how great

that time was.

Then get back to work.

And then she says

they shouldn't be serving fish

because it's disrespectful,

and I'm like, To who?

The fish?

And then she's f***ing telling

the ushers where to seat everybody.

And I'm like,

Mom, it's not your funeral.

For f***'s sake, wait your turn.

What are we uh, doing here?

Um, I gotta buy some perfume.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.

I just, I-I'm into it kinda lately.

I don't even know why.

Mm-hmm.

I tore a thing out of...

magazine...

Let's see, eh,

at the perfume counter...

If maybe this...

young lady...

Can help us.

Maggie...

F*** you, China.

Don't be mad at me.

This is your dad.

Talk to your f***in'

retarded dad right now.

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