I Love You, Daddy Page #8

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- Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Well, he's British.

Look, he's British and whatnot

- Right? So that's pure sex

- Yeah.

- I mean, look at that guy.

- Ah.

You know what I mean?

So like, Raymond Ross, man.

Well, he bangs her pretty hard.

- Okay.

- And then she cries

Goes to the beach, you know,

kicks around the sand, and cries.

But then, Leslie steps in.

He's kind...

He's wise...

And she's ready for him now.

You know? She's seasoned.

Just enough, but...

Still fresh.

What the f***, Ralph?

Where are you getting all of that?

It's all in the pictures, man.

Look. Look, look, look.

You know, all I'm saying is that

when we first met...

God, Leslie, you-you did

such nice things for me

I mean, you-you were nice.

You were a-a gentleman.

And now, now it's like I'm your

roommate or something.

I feel like we're both guys!

But you see, that's an illusion.

I'm treating you

exactly the same

the entire time

we've known each other.

But girls want and expect

a constant escalation

- throughout a relationship.

- Uh-huh.

A constant increase

in devotion and favors.

If you treat a girl better every day,

she thinks nothing is changing.

If you treat her the same throughout,

she thinks it's getting worse.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Leslie, why do I hang out with you?

That's the only question

you need to ask yourself.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Daddy. Hi.

- Hello, Leslie.

- Hello, hello.

This is-this is Ralph Kinder.

This is Leslie Goodwin.

Oh, my God.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- How are you?

- I know you from television.

- You're hysterically funny.

- Oh, thanks! Yeah, look...

This is an honor for me 'cause

I-I've always wanted to meet you.

- Is that right?

- Oh, absolutely, yeah!

Hey, d'you really f*** that kid

like everyone says?

You know, Ralph,

you're the first person

that'd come out

and ask me that question.

See? See? I-I knew

that nobody had.

I love this guy, he's good.

Yeah, so, just tell me.

Well, you know what,

it's a really personal story

but someday,

you and I will have a drink

and I will tell you all about it.

Oh, sh*t, I would love that.

That'd be f***ing great.

Uh, hey, man.

I'm gonna roll.

- Okay, Ralph. I'll see you, buddy.

- Okay, man.

Hey, Ralph, do you play tennis?

Uh, sure.

Do you wanna come to

midtown someday?

- So, you had a good time?

- Play with me?

- Yeah, yeah, I did.

- Sure!

How are you, Daddy?

I'm okay. Good.

Hey, you're the king, Leslie.

I'll see you, man.

A-and I will find out

if you f***ed that kid.

I feel like you did.

I-I'll see you guys.

All right. It's gonna be great.

Bye, Ralph.

I love you.

Thanks, China.

Well.

Leslie, I wonder if

we could talk for a minute.

Okay, sure, if you...

Yes, I, please.

Sure, w-what can I do for you?

Do you mind having

a seat for a minute?

Okay.

Um...

So...

I-Is this the show you're writing?

What?

Uh, yes.

H-how's it going?

Uh, not good.

I mean, I'm struggling.

I have-I have a finished draft

but I don't, I just I-I just don't know.

You want me to read it?

I can give you my thoughts.

Yeah, I-I mean...

Well, I guess you could

take this one, I mean, um...

Yes, I guess I would-

yeah, I-I'd like that, if...

Sure, I'll look it over.

Please.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

So, what did you

want to talk about?

Well, I think that-I think

that we should talk about China.

You-you wanna

talk about China with me?

Yes, I would. I-I think that

we should talk about her.

We should? Okay.

What do you want us to say?

Sh*t.

You're gonna make me

come out and say it?

I need to know about China and you.

I-I-I-I'd like to know what's

going on with you guys.

Well, shouldn't you be

asking her that?

No. No.

I'm asking you.

I'm asking you because...

Leslie, because China is a-

China is a minor.

Oh, a minor what?

What I'm asking...

What I need to know is-is...

Is your relationship

with my daughter...

Well, w-what is it?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I-I like her.

We're-we're...

we're making friends.

Okay, so...

What are your, what are your int-

what are your intentions?

I don't have intentions with anyone.

I mean, I-I find that intent

guarantees failure

especially in personal relationships

I mean, in writing you need intent

to create uh, direction and thrust.

Without intent, the story stops, but...

In-in life, certainly with women

you don't have to do anything.

I mean, you just

go with the current.

Let it happen.

So, where w-where do you feel...

Where do you think the current...

Where is the current

going to take you?

I don't know. I really don't.

I mean, I can

I can say I think she's...

I think she's sweet on me.

I-I think she...

I think she likes me

more than a little bit.

- I...

- Look...

I need to know that you're

not f***ing my daughter.

Dad.

Jesus. O-oh, my God, Dad!

China.

Oh, my God, you are...

You're so f***ing gross!

- China...

- No, you are!

You are f***ing disgusting!

What the f*** is wrong with you?

- Oh, my God!

- China.

China!

Well.

Was uh, it was nice to...

Everybody, everybody, everybody!

Please, please, everyone,

please, gather to me.

Tsank you, tsank you!

Nice and see to sees you alls in here!

And welcome...

To China's surprise 18th

birthday party!

Right?!

Are we excited?

Uh, yes, where is she

is a good question. Hang on.

Hold on.

He says "Hold on!"

I'm checking.

He says "He's a-checkin'!"

He says, "The sheriff is a ni..."

- Here she is, she, she

- Here she comes!

She's comin' round yonder bend

right there ya'll!

Yee-haa!

- Happy birthday!

- Thank you.

Happy birthday,

you look so beautiful.

- Thank you.

- Oh, honey.

Thanks, Daddy.

Okay, honey.

Hmm.

Oh.

Looks like the luster came off

the "I love you, Daddy" thing.

Thank God.

It finally looked like a normal

father-daughter moment.

You know, Glen.

None of this...

This party, the horse and carriage...

None of this...

Makes you a good dad.

You know that, right?

I mean, this is the kinda sh*t

that Turkish gangsters

do for their kids and they

don't even know their names.

What are you

gonna do about Leslie?

Come on, Glen.

What's the plan? Nothing?

Is that the plan?

Nothin'?

No, "nothing" is not the plan.

Okay, then,

what are you gonna do?

I'm figuring it out.

O-kay, so that's pretty much

nothing.

Hey, hey, what am I supposed to do?

She just tuned 18.

I know.

I noticed.

I'm pretty sure that planes

flying at cruising altitude

know that China turned 18 today.

Well, anyway, she's an adult,

so there's not much I can do.

China's not an adult.

Okay, yes, she's 18, but

she's not an adult

any more than you're an adult.

Look, I know you're right.

I know that I have to do something.

Do you love your daughter?

Yes, I do.

I know.

I know you do.

It's the one good thing about you.

Thanks.

So, here's what a good dad does.

He puts his daughter's welfare

ahead of everything.

Even ahead of

her loving him back.

I know, I know it.

So, what are you gonna do?

What does your gut tell you?

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