I Love You, Man Page #12

get a burger and a beer

and talk about how we can tag-team

the Ferrigno deal?

Why are you slapping me?

Because I wanted

to cause you some physical pain,

but I have never actually hit anybody

in the face. It freaks me out.

And I didn't really know what to do.

Tevin, stay the f*** away

from my listing.

- Hey, Carolyn.

- Hey, Pete.

Good luck, Peter.

I'm so excited to see who Peter chose

for his wedding party.

Yeah. Yeah.

Honestly, that has to be

the most random

collection of groomsmen

in the history of weddings.

- I'm great. You know, I just got to...

- Okay.

I'll see you at the wedding.

I'm gonna get another mimosa.

Do you want to finish the one...

Hello?

Hey. Wow,

I didn't expect to hear from you.

No, I wouldn't want to impose.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe if I hurry, I can make the end of it.

Okay, I gotta go.

I gotta find something to wear.

Which one of these men has the ring?

I actually don't have a best man, so...

Robbie, I want you

to hold the ring for me.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Unless you don't want to. I mean...

Thanks, Peter.

So sweet.

Hey, I want you boys to know,

you're both my best friends

and Hank Mardukas.

Hey, Hank.

Awesome tux.

- Thanks. It's blue.

- Yes, it is.

- You look amazing.

- Thank you.

Good afternoon.

We are gathered here today

to join Peter Klaven and Zooey Rice

in matrimony.

If anyone can show just cause

why they may not marry...

You son of a b*tch!

No, no, Mr. Ferrigno,

I don't wanna object.

I just wanted to make it in time

for the vows. That's all.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

Sydney, come up.

No, I'm fine back here.

- Please, yes. Yes.

- Are you sure?

I hope you don't mind.

You invited him?

Well, I saw you walking

on the lawn looking all sad,

and I realized I couldn't let you

get married without your best man.

- I love you so much.

- I love you, too.

Zooey, thanks so much for inviting me.

Of course. You got here really fast.

Yeah. You know what,

I was on the Vesp,

so I just did the old weaveroo.

Dude, you're lying.

Your voice went up when you said that.

His voice got high.

Look, I was on my way

when Zooey called.

Invite or not, there was no way

I was gonna miss your wedding,

and I wanted to give you this.

Man, you don't have to do this.

You know what?

I know you don't believe me,

but I'm actually

a pretty successful investor, so...

Look, the billboards

were my wedding gift to you guys.

Man, they worked.

Yeah, I figured when I saw the Ferrigs

that they must have worked.

- That's great.

- Lou's the best.

I can only imagine.

I put him in a sleeper hold. Out.

Sydney, I'm really sorry

for all the stuff that I said.

Pete, you called me

on a lot of my issues. I appreciate it.

And for the record, I saw Chocolat.

Just delightful.

It is, right?

- I love Chocolat.

- I love that movie.

- Chocolat? What the f*** is that?

- I have no idea.

It's a beautiful movie.

I'm really glad you're here, Sydney.

Me, too.

I can't even imagine getting married

without you.

I love you, man.

I love you, too, bud.

- I love you, dude.

- I love you, Bro Montana.

- I love you, holmes.

- I love you, Broseph Goebbels.

- Love you, muchacha.

- I love you, Tycho Brohe.

Okay. Okay. Right. Let's continue here.

- I so wanna marry you.

- You will.

I'm going to.

Zooey, repeat after me.

- I, Zooey Rice.

- I, Zooey Rice.

- Take you, Peter Klaven.

- Take you, Peter Klaven.

- To be my lawfully wedded husband.

- To be my lawfully wedded husband.

I'm really sorry

about that dumb toast I gave.

It was out of line. I got really nervous

to meet you and I'm...

I don't know what happened to me.

I'm sorry.

Sydney, it's fine. Thank you.

That's very sweet of you.

For the record, I like giving blowj*bs.

Well, that's good to hear. You know,

I was just looking out for my buddy.

I hear you.

I had to make sure that

he's getting blowies on a regular basis.

Yeah, I'm not really comfortable

with this conversation.

- Honey.

- We're all friends now.

- Friends do this.

- No, they don't.

- Wow, you have a nice singing voice.

- Thanks.

- Are you in a band?

- Not yet.

- Hailey.

- Lonnie.

- Hi.

- Hi.

That's awesome! That's awesome!

Excuse me, Peter.

Get my wife on up here!

You've been Rushified!

- You should be...

- You've never called me an a**hole?

No, I've said you act like an a**hole.

So, you get away with it

because it was the act of.

- That's your behavior.

- Right.

I'm not saying you're an a**hole.

Oh, my God.

Sh*t. What?

Do I have a f***ing sign on me?

- No, it's not my fault.

- How is it not your fault?

Because I'm pregnant.

I love you so much. I love you so much.

- Are you still mad?

- Try to make it a boy.

Thank you.

I'd just like to make a quick toast.

No!

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