I Married a Witch Page #7

I invented the hangover!

It was in 1892 BC.

Did you believe her?

That's the important thing.

"Believe her"? Why, the things

she said didn't make any sense.

Then there's still hope.

At first I thought she was joking,

but she keeps talking

about the election...

saying she'll make me win

by witchcraft...

and that that'll prove

she's a witch.

Master Wooley,

see if you can get me out of here.

I know how to handle her.

Thanks.

I'll do my best...

but I'm afraid I haven't much

influence in this town anymore.

- It'll be a Bensinger landslide!

- Quiet!

[ Derisive Laughter ]

[ Man ] Three cheers

for Wallace Wooley! Hurray!

[ Several Men ]

Hurray! Hurray!

- We want Wooley!

- We want Wooley!

- We want Wooley!

We want Wooley!

- Quiet!

[ Men Continue Chanting ]

We want Wooley!

Hey, hey. I thought

you wanted Bensinger.

- I changed my mind.

- Yeah, but you're bettin' on Bensinger.

All right, so I'll lose.

- We want Wooley!

- We want Wooley!

[ All Chanting ]

Quiet! Quiet!

We want Wooley!

[ Chanting Resumes ]

- [ Upbeat March ]

- [ Chanting Continues ]

Wallace Wooley

is a fraud!

An impostor!

A hypocritical demagogue!

That's why I'm asking you

to vote for...

Wallace Wooley.

- [ Whispering ] Mr. Masterson

- One moment, please. Yes?

You said,

"Vote for Wooley."

Did I?

Correction,

ladies and gentlemen.

The man I am backing

is Bensinger.

W-O-O-L-E-Y!

[ People Chanting ]

We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

We want Wooley!

We want Wooley!

We want Wooley!

[ Babies ]

We want Wooley.

- We want Wooley!

- We want Wooley!

[ Cheering ]

[ Chanting ]

We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

[ Cheering, Chanting Continue ]

We want Wooley!

[ Man On Radio ]

That includes every precinct

in Kearsarge County, folks.

It looks as if the whole state's

gonna make it a Wooley landslide.

More in a minute.

- I can't believe it.

- That's just what she'd said she'd do.

- There's no other explanation.

- You mean she's a

You see why I couldn't go down

to campaign headquarters tonight?

- If this gets out

- Let's look at these

Wappasocket figures.

- They're not complete.

- You can't be carrying Wappasocket

County. That's Bensinger's home.

Another bulletin, folks:

Complete returns from Wappasocket...

show the entire county has climbed

on the Wooley bandwagon.

- Well? Are you convinced?

- He must mean another county.

Hold everything.

Here's a flash, folks.

At 10:
45 tonight, with only three

precincts yet to be heard from...

election returns were as follows:

Wallace Wooley 2,684,922.

Elwood Bensinger none.

He didn't even vote

for himself.

Dudley, I've married a witch.

What am I going to do?

Let me look at you.

Did you say

she's 800,000 years old?

No, no, no, no, no.

That's her father. She's only 290.

- I see.

- But you'd never think it.

Well, marriage does

a lot for people.

Well, Wally,

this clears everything up.

All except one little point:

How did she get out

of the hospital that night?

- She used a broom.

- Oh, of course!

I must be getting stupid.

A child would know that.

Dudley, what

what am I going to do?

- How many people have you told?

- No one but you. How can I?

I see your point.

People are so skeptical.

Might be hard to grasp

that the first lady is a witch.

- I don't care about them.

What about me?

- Look out!

Are you satisfied, darling?

You're the new governor.

- What are you going to do now?

- Help you with your slippers.

- No, not just yet.

- Then I'll warm them by the fire.

You know, I lighted it

with a match, Wally.

From now on, I'm going to be

just a simple, helpful wife.

Dudley, I can't take it.

"A helpful wife."

What if she runs me for president?

- [ People Chanting "We Want Wooley" ]

- What's that?

People gathering in the street.

They want you to make a speech.

- Real people?

- Naturally. They all voted for Wally.

- What am I gonna say to them?

- I don't know.

There are one or two things

I wouldn't tell them. Good night.

- Where are you going?

- I've gotta be getting home

into my straightjacket!

- Would you like me to drive you?

- No, thanks. I'll call a broom

I mean, a taxi.

- Wally, darling.

- Yes, dear?

You don't mind

my being a witch, do you?

Well, you'll admit

it's a little unusual.

- No one need ever know.

- We'll talk about that later, dear.

It'll be our little secret.

Our little secret?

Now go out and make

your speech to them, dear.

Good evening, my dear.

- [ Man ] Three cheers

for Wallace Wooley!

- [ Crowd Cheering ]

Hurray!

I must compliment you

on the public confidence...

you have inspired

for Master Wooley.

- You're not going to hurt him again?

- I will attend to him later.

I am concerned now

with an erring daughter.

I've done nothing

except love him.

You have informed him

that you are a witch.

Need I remind you

of the punishment...

that I must

perforce administer?

At midnight,

back to the tree!

There to stay until the present

race of men is extinguished.

A rather light sentence,

considering the offense.

But if I don't wish to go

- There is nothing you can do about it.

- I'm still a witch.

No, my dear. Your heart

is so full of human love...

that I can

no longer trust you.

Until you have resumed

a more spirit-like existence...

you shall be

a mere mortal!

I've remembered

all the spells you've taught me.

Out, fire,

by Rhadamanthus!

- Out!

- [ Chuckling ] You see?

Your power is dead.

Mine remains.

Out, fire.

Better get ready.

Soonest done,

soonest mended...

and midnight approaches.

May I... say good-bye?

Certainly, my dear.

I'll be around.

[ Wallace ]

...endeavor to give this fair state

an honest administration.

As a former governor

so aptly put it

[ Whispering ]

Wally! Wally!

Uh, and in conclusion,

thank you very much.

What is it?

- You must help me!

- You want me to help you?

- Come on, darling. Hurry!

- No, no. But where?

- Anywhere.

Out the back door. Hurry up.

- [ Sputtering ]

Anyplace, Joe.

Just drive around.

Hey!

That's my cab!

- What is all this?

- I had to get you away.

Something might have happened to you.

- What?

- I don't know, but something awful.

- Can't you tell me about it now?

- Wally, I'm afraid!

You are afraid.

What trouble can you be in

that you can't get out of by witchcraft?

- I've lost my power.

- What?

I'm not a witch any longer.

I'm like any other girl.

I wish we could go so fast

that no power on earth could overtake us!

- Faster!

- Nothing's going to happen

to you while I'm around.

[ Chuckling ]

You are like any other girl

afraid of lightning.

That isn't ordinary lightning.

- Can't he go any faster?

- Step on it, Joe.

Faster.

Nobody could

possibly catch us.

Joe's a wonderful driver.

There's nothing he can't do with the car.

They've certainly

improved this road.

Is it midnight yet?

No.

Five minutes to 12:00.

Don't look!

[ Daniel ]

Back to the tree!

[ Daniel Cackling ]

Don't worry about me,

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