I Married a Witch Page #6

- Do I look all right?

- Who cares? Go on.

Well, what are you

standing there for?

Dudley has the ring.

I'll see what's keeping him.

- Wallace.

- You come back here!

What's the matter with you?

Did you ever have one of those days

when nothing seems to go right?

Wallace!

I love you truly

- Got here too late.

- Dudley.

She really did love me.

She said she'd die for me.

- Oh, my darling.

- At last!

[ Surprised Gasp ]

I've had enough of this!

Estelle, wait a minute!

Listen to me!

You've got to listen to me!

Uh [ Nervous Chuckle ]

It's a big misunderstanding.

If you'll give me

a few minutes, I

I'll give you just ten seconds

to get out of this house, all of you!

We won't be here

that long.

- You'd better get out of the state.

- I'm terribly

- Get out!

- I can explain.

Uh, after the fire, you see,

she spent the ni-night

On-On second thought...

- maybe we'd better just go, darling.

- Mr. Masterson

I'll expose you

in every paper I own!

This'll not only cost you the election,

but I'll encourage the voters of this state

to tear you limb from limb!

I'll head the tar-and-feather

party personally!

When I'm through with you,

you'll wish you'd never been born.

I love you truly

- Will you shut up?

- Tru-

[ Man ] Extra! Big Wooley scandal!

Read all about it!

Extra! Paper!

Big Wooley scandal!

Extra! Read all about it!

Wallace Wooley exposed!

Extra! Paper!

- Big Wooley scandal!

- What does it say?

It's just as I thought.

He's finished.

And I'm bankrupt.

Go and get her, I say.

Bring my daughter to me.

Bring her here or,

by Jezebel

- Shut up!

- Quiet!

- I wanna get some sleep!

- Hey, toss this stub bug out of here!

For the last time,

will you pipe down?

I tell you, my daughter

ran off with a bumpkin...

named Wooley,

Wallace Wooley.

Sure, she did. You take it easy.

You'll be out of here tomorrow.

Tomorrow may be too late!

There's no telling what she'll do.

I know a couple of ways

to make you shut up.

And I know

a hundred ways...

to silence you forever.

Oh, but I don't

remember them now.

This is terrible!

She'll marry him.

Wallace Wooley's

gonna marry his daughter.

Yeah?

And then you'll see

what'll happen to Master Wooley.

I'll wreak my vengeance

on them both.

She thinks she can

run away from me...

that I cannot see her

because of the fog.

But I can see you, Jennifer.

She smiles.

She presses closer to him.

Darling?

Yes, Wally?

You're guessing about

those mileposts, aren't you?

No, I can see them.

I have rather unusual eyes.

If we're really over the state line,

I can relax.

Wally, what color

would those feathers be?

"Feathers"?

Oh, I don't know.

But the tar

would be black.

Let's stop, Wally.

I guess we'll have to.

I can't even see the front of the car.

Mighty nice scenery

they have around here.

- Lovely, isn't it?

- We'd better walk to the next town.

No, I thought

we'd stay here.

Here? We're in the middle

of nowhere.

How do you know,

Mr. Wooley?

Good evening.

If you're looking for a place to stay,

I have a lovely room.

Thank you.

- Do you have two rooms?

- No, I'm sorry.

Aren't you married?

You're dressed

for a wedding.

Where's the nearest

justice of the peace?

He'll be down in a minute.

Henry? Customers.

Uh, let's see.

One dollar for waking up

the county clerk...

and helping you

get your license.

Two dollars

for the ceremony.

One-fifty for lodgings.

Rent of my pajamas,

25 cents.

Rent of nightgown

I'll have to charge you

50 cents for that.

- It's sort of an heirloom.

- Yeah.

There.

Almost a perfect fit.

My grandmother was just

a little bit of a thing like you.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, shall I light the fire?

Oh, no.

I'd like to try.

I must start learning

to be a good housewife.

Let's see. You... just go

like that, don't you?

Of course.

They're like any other matches.

Well, good night, my dear.

I'm sure you're going

to be very happy.

He's a fine young man...

and I hope your boys

take after him.

And I hope your girls

take after you.

- By Rhadamanthus, on, fire!

- [ Door Opens ]

[ Gasps ]

- Wally?

- Yes, dear?

- Did you see the way

that fire came on?

- What fire?

All I can see

in this room is you.

- Darling?

- Mm-hmm?

- Do you want to have children?

- Why, of course.

I'd like three little girls

exactly like you.

- Ohh!

- Huh?

I think I'd better tell you.

You'd never forgive me

if you found out later.

- Aha! A confession!

- Yes, Wally.

I haven't exactly been a saint myself.

We'll compare notes in the morning.

No, I must tell you now.

I don't know how to begin.

Then don't.

- Wally?

- Hmm?

Doesn't it seem strange to you,

the way we met?

It's all been like a dream.

- It was witchcraft.

- That's it. Of course.

- You see, Wally

- Shh, dear.

It's getting late.

But I want you

to know what I am.

All right.

All right, what are you?

I'm a witch.

A witch? [ Chuckles ]

I knew it all the time.

- You did?

- Of course.

I've been under your spell

since the moment I met you.

Then... it doesn't matter?

You don't mind being married to a witch?

I love it.

I'll try so hard to be a good wife,

and I'll only use witchcraft to help you.

What could you do,

for instance?

I could make you win

the election tomorrow.

Oh, it would take witchcraft

to do that.

- I think I can manage it.

- Fine, fine.

After all, I'm not just

an ordinary witch.

My family dates back

to the days of Pompeii.

- Were you mixed up in that?

- My father was.

Ever hear of the decline and fall

of the Roman Empire?

That was our crowd.

You're marvelous.

Seriously, dear...

do you like to sleep

on the left or the right?

You don't believe me.

Wally, try to understand.

270 years ago

That's too long a story, dear.

Can't it keep till tomorrow?

Wally, 270 years ago

- You're not listening to me.

- Yes, dear. Yes, I am.

270 years ago

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Let me out!

Let me out!

Oh, why can't I remember...

the formula for dissolving iron?

- Let me out!

- Quiet!

- Pipe down!

- I couldn't get any shut-eye all night.

- Ah, throw him into solitary!

- Yeah.

That's Wallace Wooley.

Don't tell me

they're tossing him in the clink.

It looks that way.

Pay up, brother.

They ain't electing no con for governor.

Bensinger's a cinch.

Why couldn't you keep straight

until after you was elected,

like everybody else does?

I'd like to talk to you about Jennifer.

We were married last night.

Yes, I know.

Congratulations,

Master Wooley.

Thank you. She's been

saying the oddest things...

last night

and again this morning.

What?

Silly things...

about living in Roxford

270 years ago, and, uh

and being a witch.

Beelzebub!

Don't you think I know?

Oh, then she's acted

that way before?

Well, maybe

I can help her.

Silence!

I must concentrate.

Iron, iron, melt away

Oh!

I can't remember a thing.

What is the matter with me?

I'm afraid

you've got a hangover.

Don't tell me what I've got!

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