I Think I Love My Wife Page #5

Washer and dryer

on the third floor,

pay phone on the second floor.

Don't knock on my door for change.

Get your own damn quarters.

Um, there was something

in the ad about cable.

I got jumper cables,

if you need 'em.

Okay.

And don't blame me

if the bed's

not big enough for both of you.

This place is really for students.

( chuckles) Oh, we are not a couple.

Yeah, yeah, l-I'm just a friend.

Oh.

I guess that's a Super Bowl

ring, huh?

You a Jet or a Packer?

Uh-huh.

Which one of you friends

is paying the rent?

I am.

Sure you are, baby.

I never thought I'd be

back in one of these.

This is where everybody ends up.

WOMAN (on TV):
... a wooden Barton hutch

made of pine in Al's backyard.

This is a project an experienced

do-it-yourselfer could tackle,

since this shed is pre-cut

and ready to assemble.

- Hey, fellas.

- MAN:
Hi!

- How are you guys?

- Very well, thanks.

That doesn't look so hard;

we can do that out back.

I'm getting splinters

just watching this.

(siren blaring in distance)

I got to hand it to you-

you knocked it out the park.

It looks like EuroTech

may come aboard.

Hey, it's not a done deal,

and when it gets done,

I couldn't have done it without you.

What do you say we go grab

some lunch and celebrate?

L-I'd love to... but

I got other plans.

NI KKl:
Hey, guys. You ready?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, sure.

GEORGE:
Inside.

- Be right back.

- Okay.

I'm sorry. I won't keep him long.

No problem.

Okay, what is it?

Are you aware of what

you're getting yourself into?

What are you talking about?

Nikki- she's here every day.

George, she's just a friend.

A friend? Come on.

I've had friends before- they

don't f***ing look like Nikki.

Look, you got a good situation

at home, you got two kids...

I'm not f***ing her.

No, she's f***ing you;

you just don't know it.

(laughing):

I can't believe I'm hearing this sh*t from you,

of all people.

You cheat on your wife all the time.

Last year, you were

f***ing Tracy and Mary.

I didn't say sh*t to you.

That's different.

I don't give a f***.

I can f*** a girl, go home,

kiss my wife good night

and sleep like a baby.

You, on the other hand,

got emotions.

You're like Captain

Save-A-Ho, all right?

You like to be needed,

and that b*tch knows it.

Are we done?

I'm not getting

in your sh*t, all right?

I just...

Be careful, okay?

Hey.

What's wrong?

You look upset.

We can't do this anymore.

Do what?

What are you talking about?

This whole... lunch in

the afternoon thing.

It doesn't look good;

we really should stop.

We're not doing anything.

It's not like we're f***ing.

It is like

we're f***ing,

only thing, we're

not f***ing,

and I feel all the guilt

as if I'm f***ing you

without any of the pleasure

of actually f***ing you.

I don't want things to

get any more complicated.

I'm not trying

to complicate anything.

I like you, Richard.

I don't like a lot of people.

I like you 'cause you're safe.

You don't want anything from me.

Okay?

Okay.

(giggles)

So, you want to get

something to eat?

No.

I have something else planned.

(man rapping)

(rapping continues)

(man singing)

Wow.

I've been thinking

about coming here.

I knew you'd like it.

(singing continues)

You should have one of these.

Wanted one of these

since I was a kid.

That I don't know.

What I know is that

I'm gonna get me

a little Porsche one day.

You're going down!

You're going down!

I'm going down, all right.

(both laughing)

(screams)

- Oh!

- Yeah, yeah.

You dirty, dirty..!

(singing ends)

(rock music playing)

(laughing)

(squealing, laughing)

What is that?!

Richard!

Richard, Brian's asleep ups..!

(turns music off)

What is that?

You-You don't like it?

No, no, I don't.

And you're making the kids deaf.

Ah, come on, it's not that loud.

Yes, it is.

And you know what?

I was in my car

the other day, and...

Where did my CDs go?

Wh-Where's my,

where's my Peabo Bryson?

Where's my Usher?

Where's my Beyonce?

( chuckles)

You know, you really got some nigga ears, honey.

Nigga ears?

How many times do I

have to ask you

not to talk in front

of the kids like that?

You know what?

You just keep doing

what you're doing.

'Cause one of these days,

they won't be asking

where my daddy is,

they'll be asking,

"Where's my nigga?"

Then what are you gonna do?

(groans)

You know, I tried

calling you yesterday,

and no one could find you.

Was probably at lunch.

No, it was almost 4:00.

Aren't you usually back by then?

I mean, I tried

calling you on your cell,

I tried texting you,

you didn't text me back.

What did you want?

What difference

does it make

what I wanted?

That was yesterday.

You have to tell people

where you are.

What if something

happened to the kids?

What if I got hit by a car?

Ah, come on, why do you always

have to take it to,

"What if I got hit by a car?"

L-I went to the deli,

I wanted a chicken salad sandwich.

L-I stood on line.

Uh, when I got to

the front of the line,

I realized I didn't

have a ticket,

so I had to get back on the line.

That's it.

You make it sound like an alibi.

All you have to do

is answer the phone.

I didn't hear it.

All right.

Tomorrow.

Have you thought

about what you want to do?

Do you want to see a movie?

Do you want to have brunch

with Jennifer and Allan?

Nah, nah, nah, we do

that all the time.

Let's try something different.

Different?

Okay.

(man rapping)

(rapping continues)

(man singing)

Honey, let's go look

at the new Porsches.

Wh... Why?

No. No, no, no, no.

In here, it says that

there's something over there

that you're really gonna like.

Oh, yeah. Come on.

Let's go.

Bye-bye.

Come on, baby.

(whimsical classical music

playing)

(sighs)

( chuckles)

(turn signal clicking)

RICHARD:
Going to the car show

and looking at the minivans

was like going to a strip club

and looking at the DJ.

EXECUTIVE:

Mr. Cooper,

what sectors have the most

growth potential for our company?

Well, Mr. Yuni, what

we're finding now

is that most advertising dollars

are migrating online.

( cell phone ringing)

Is that you?

(ringing continues)

It's me.

- I probably should, uh...

- Mm-hmm.

NI KKl:
Richard, I have an emergency.

I need to ask you something,

but I'm afraid

you're gonna get mad at me.

I have to take this.

Um, if you'll

excuse me,

I'll be, I'll be right back.

H-Hey, what's up?

I can't really talk right now;

I'm in a meeting.

Okay, really quick.

Just promise you won't

get mad at me.

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