Ibiza Page #2

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Oh, what's this flavor?

It's Apple Blossom. This is so good.

I love this strain of dank."

- Who are these people?

- That's how your drug friends talk.

- They never say "dank."

- Yeah, they do.

- All right, enough of the sass.

- Okay.

One puff.

One puff for the old Nickster.

Nasty Nikki.

Okay,

I've got this black light app downloaded.

Let's test this jizz theory.

- What the f***?

- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

It's everywhere!

How did it get up there?

- Nikki!

- Everywhere!

Do they just jerk off wherever they want?

Who are they?Who are you?!

So many different types

of b*obs and nips.

They're like baggy fingerprints.

Bilbo Baggins...

Little Bo Peeps...

Honeydews, Rhi Rhis, Daniel Craigs.

They're all just so beautiful, you know?

- Yo.

- I'm at the beach. Where are you?

- Hi, Khaleesi.

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Hey, girl.

- This is Diego. He works for Disfrute,

and he's so nice that I just told him

that you guys tagged along.

Wow, you're cute.

Oh, thank you very much.

- What?

- Oh, no.

- Whoa.

- Were you wearing sunscreen?

- What am I, burned?

- You're a little red.

No, let's not lie, you're a lot red.

- Red lobster baby.

- Oh, my God.

Am I gonna get sun poisoning?

The Spanish sun is so strong,

but don't worry, it will fade

by this evening,

and you will still look beautiful.

Oh.

Just get yourself,

dip a washclothwith milk,

dripping it on your supple body.

- Thank you...

- Diego.

- I am Nikki-ah.

- Nice to meet you, Nikki-ah.

Nice to meet you, too-ah.

Might I say that you are sunburned

like a lady of Swedish royalty.

Might I say, I am a Jewish person.

The chosen people.

- We are the chosen people.

- Sure.

I'm so sorry I have to leave.

I have my daily workout.

Why don't we meet tonight at the club?

What do you think?

Oh, yes, I would go to the club.

Ladies, do you want to go to the club?

- Sure.

- I'd go to the club.

I love clubbing and drinks

and the music that they play.

Well, we'll have dancing, drinking

and hopefully, something else.

Like making out and doing it.

I would love that inside of my heart.

- See you later.

- Okay.

Preciosa.

- Cuidado.

- I will.

See you at the club.

Flood your basement, he wants you.

Call FEMA. It's an emergency.

All right,

well, let's get ready for the clubs.

- It's two p.m. We've got hours.

- Yeah.

I want you guys

to be excited for the club.

- I'm so excited for the club.

- Yeah, the club!

The club!

Pick a side. Let's go!

This is how it goes.

Three cute ladies coming through!

Sorry, okay, excuse us.

You gotta move. You gotta move.

You gotta move.

- We're three friends. We have to drink.

- Girls night.

Excuse me, sir.

Can we get three shots of tequilas?

Sarah's calling me right now!

No, do not answer. You're in Barcelona.

You could be sleeping.

Yes, actually you really do,

you need your sleep, so...

To may gals!

Aww!

All right, I'm gonna hit "decline."

Move your body-body

Until it blowz

Move your body

Dance till the bullet blowz

Move your body-body

Until it blowz

Move your body

Dance till the bullet blowz

- I'll show you love.

- Okay.

Okay.

Everybody, everybody, jump!

I'm almost done.

But first, my friend,

Leo West!

Let me see that booty

Let me see that booty

What, you're talking to me?

You like my face?

Oh, cool, I like your face.

Two thumbs up for your face.

What, what are you pointing at?

What?

You want me to go up there?

- You guys.

- What?

The DJ, he wants me--

he wants me to go up on the stage.

- F***, go get your man.

- He's not my man. He's a man.

- He's not my man.

- Go get your man.

- Okay.

- Go get laid.

Bye.

Okay, excuse me.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I apologize. Time sensitive.

Sorry, I'm so sorry.

This is the only way.

Hi, the DJ saidthat he wanted me

to come backstage. So--

- Hello.

- Hi, you know what? You're pretty,

but you're really mean,

and that's gonna serve you well in life.

- She's good.

- Oh, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

- Hi. I'm Leo, nice to meet you.

- I'm Harper, nice to meet you.

I must say, you're very talented.

I really enjoyed your music.

I really enjoyed it.

I've not started yet.

- What?

- But I'll tell the other DJ

how much youenjoyed her music.

Oh, that girl.

You seem much more talented.

- I do?

- Yeah, like a refinement to you.

- You can tell that from me now?

- You've got more of a--

What I meant to say was

you're probably better than her.

- Thanks for that.

- Yeah. Or who knows.

Maybe you're a sociopath

or a garden variety d-bag for all I know.

Okay, or I could just be a nice guy

that wanted to tell you something.

- What did you want to tell me?

- Don't freak out about it.

Do you mind if I just do that?

I just wanted to show you that you've got

a massive dick on your face.

- What do you mean?

- You've got a massive dick on your face.

Oh, my God.

I have a f***ing dick on my face!

What the f***?!

You didn't know

you had a dick on your face,

and I wanted to help you

and take it off,

- which is what I'm going to do right now.

- Well, thank you, I guess,

so you're preserving the teaspoon

of dignity that I have left.

- You are very, very welcome.

- I mean, what's the point?

Everyone already saw

my big glowing dick face.

You know, I think it's a dying art form,

the old cock face.

You do? Well, in that case you should know

that that was nothing for me.

That was like a six.

- All right, steady on.

- The balls on the last one

would have really knocked your socks off.

Not that I--

Not a real one. Like a--

- You know what I'm saying.

- I know what you're saying.

Are you staying out for one?

- I mean, maybe, it depends.

- Depends if the music's good or not?

It's probably gonna be sh*t, right?

I don't like EMD music.

In case the music isn't that bad

and you do stay 'round,

then give me a call.

Oh.

And if not, I have a picture of you

with a dick on your face,

and that's photo blackmail,

so you have to see me again to delete it.

Right, well, break a leg.

Do you say that for DJs?

You can say whatever you f***ing like.

All right, have a great f***ing set, man.

All right, I will have a f***ing great set

and you have a--

- No, one saw that.

- Okay.

Oh! I think I'm gonna throw up.

We've been looking for you.

Where have you been?

We're VIP's now baby. Hi!

Oh, hi! Harper, we're dancing on the table

and stuff. I totally get it now.

I mean, I feel like I'm definitely

gonna hurt myself,

- but this is fun, right?

- Wait, why are we at this table?

Well, Hernando saw my sick ass dance moves

and invited us over.

Hola,

I'm Hernando Montavia

Portavano Garca Castillo.

- Oh, and I'm Harper.

- Nice to meet you.

- You, too.

- Okay, thank you, sir.

- So what happened?

- It was amazing!

We totally had a moment,

although our moment did happen

because I had a giant glowing dick

on my face, so that was--

Wait, what?

Some dude was like,

"Whoa, I show you love,"

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