Identity Thief Page #3

with this gentleman here?

You might want to hold on to this mug shot

in case you may need it.

Great. Okay.

Listen, I'm gonna need this solved

a whole lot quicker than a year, Detective.

Okay, listen, I understand

that this is really frustrating for you,

but our percentage rate

in solving these cases is pretty high.

Yeah? How many?

About 5% to 10%.

That's garbage.

We'll be in touch with you, Sandy.

- Hi, I'm Sandy...

- Mr. Patterson.

- I know who you are. I'm Jessica.

- Hi.

Welcome.

Anything you need, just ask.

Your office is right over there.

Office. Nice to meet you.

- Patterson?

- Sorry.

I had a hell of a morning.

- Listen to this.

- Can you explain this to me?

What do you got?

These are e-mails I received

from a couple of prospective clients.

No, no, no.

You defaulted on six credit cards?

- No, I didn't, actually.

- You did.

- No.

- You have nine other delinquencies.

This is what my morning's been all about.

Your credit score's a 240. A 240!

There are homeless people

with better numbers than that, Sandy.

Dude, you have a warrant

out for your arrest.

This is a financial institution.

How am I supposed to give you access

to $5 billion in funds?

My identity's been stolen.

I was at the police station all morning.

Don't worry about it, though.

I'm gonna get on the phone,

I'm going to clean it up.

They can run my credit tomorrow

and it's gonna be fine, okay?

What the f*** is this?

- Those are cops!

- That's my guy.

This is the detective

that's handling my case.

Hi. I was just

filling my boss in on our situation.

Did you find her?

Do you have some good news?

No, I'm sorry,

we don't have any good news.

Soon after you left,

we got a call from Orlando Metro.

They just busted a narcotics dealer

named Paolo Gordon.

Your name and your credit cards

turned up in connection

with the investigation.

Ah! This...

One of my colleagues spoke

to your former employer, Mr. Harold Cornish.

Yeah.

And he said that, in fact,

you are a drug dealer.

That's... He's a f***ing liar.

I've got a warrant to search the premises.

- For drugs.

- Oh.

And guns.

And guns.

- This is a waste of time.

- I understand.

It's not me, it's the woman in the picture.

- Just doing my job.

- I need to put that out.

Okay.

Okay, guys, let's...

Okay, we're done.

You can let your employees back in now.

Thank you.

- So, no Oxy?

- No, no Oxy.

Did you find my weapons?

I'm not an idiot, Mr. Patterson, okay?

I know almost certainly

it's the woman in Florida.

Yeah.

But until we know for sure

that you didn't do this,

it's an open investigation.

For narcotics.

Let me walk you out.

We're gonna have to

talk about our options.

I think we got to let you go.

I know where she is. Hey!

I know exactly where she's gonna be

tomorrow afternoon.

If I tell you, you can tell

the Winter Park Police Department,

they can grab her, and we're done.

- No, no, it doesn't work like that.

- Why not?

Well, they'd have to

bring her up on local charges first.

And it would pretty much

be about a year before we get a shot at her.

I mean, she'd have to be

standing right here to do you any good.

That's the new standard of police work?

The criminal's got

to be standing right in front of you?

- Have a good day.

- Hang on, hang on.

If they won't bring her here,

what if I bring her here?

What if, somehow, I get her here,

and I put her right in front of you,

she gives you a full statement

and owns up to everything?

Then we'd be done, wouldn't we?

Oh, I wouldn't recommend

that, Mr. Patterson.

You see, criminals generally just don't

volunteer confessions to policemen.

All right, what about this?

What about if I ask her to talk to you?

Because she cost me my job

and I want to get my job back,

and in return, I don't press any charges.

She doesn't have to worry about me.

There's no cops.

But there are cops.

You're down the hall,

you're listening to a thing. I'm wearing...

What? That's ridiculous.

No, no, no, this sort of thing

- tends to work pretty well.

- Right?

And we do have enough

for an eavesdrop warrant.

No, no. Sandy, I need somebody

here doing the work right now.

I'm the best at what I do.

Those are your words.

I'm just looking for a little bit of time.

We don't have time.

I'm supposed to put everything on hold?

We have clients!

Listen, I gave up everything because

I believe in you. Just believe in me.

Come on, you know me. Come on, Daniel.

- I'll give you one week.

- Really?

But that's it.

That's all I need. Thank you.

One week, Patterson!

I'm calling to confirm

my wife's appointment for tomorrow at 3:00.

Thank you. She ended up

making the appointment.

I didn't realize that

she's gonna be in the area.

Anyway, I need your address

because she lost it.

Okay. Got it. Thank you.

She'll see you tomorrow at 3:00. Bye-bye.

Okay. I've got cash for the plane ticket,

I've got my sock money.

- Did you call the cab?

- Don't do this.

Don't start this again.

Trish, I need you to just hang in there.

This is not who we are.

- You're not Batman.

- Do not unpack this.

Please, I can't refold all this stuff.

- Do you even know how to use those?

- It's just in case.

It is my only option.

It is our only option.

Let me see the picture of her again.

Make you feel better to see that?

Uh-huh.

Yeah. She's not dangerous.

That number right there is her height.

It's hobbit height.

I'm going after Bilbo.

Yeah, I can do this, I really can.

But I can't do it without your support.

Okay? Please trust me.

Thank you.

If all goes well,

I'll be right back here tomorrow night.

Also, I borrowed your anxiety pills

because I might have to

coax her onto the airplane.

Oh, good. Okay, that's fine

'cause why would I need those right now?

I'll call you when I land, okay?

Goodbye, you guys.

Daddy, the TV's broken.

Oh. Well, you know. Come here.

Some things are broken,

but only for a few days.

That's why I have to go on this trip

to pretty much the worst place in America.

But Daddy's gonna fix these problems.

When I get back, it's all gonna be perfect.

I promise, okay? Come here.

It's too late for TV anyway,

you guys are going to bed.

Do some drawing, and then PJs. Goodbye.

Go get this b*tch.

Roger.

Ooh!

Okay.

Okay.

My neck. Oh, man, I taste blood.

Oh, jeez.

You got an injury.

- Oh, my neck. My neck got it.

- Sorry about that.

I didn't assume

you were gonna come to a full stop

in the middle of the highway.

Oh, a mama badger

and a baby crossing the road.

A badger, huh?

Yeah. Oh, my God.

My fibromyalgia's

just shooting down my spine.

Jeez Louise.

No, this is totally my fault.

You got your license on you?

Why don't we swap information?

We can get

the insurance companies involved.

I guess that's what it comes to.

I hate to tell you,

but that's a custom paint job. Thank you.

You know, if it's okay with you,

I'm okay and I'm cool with just doing cash.

Yeah, cash would be a lot easier,

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