Idiocracy Page #8

- Oh!

[ Announcer]

So, uh-So the winner is, uh-

- [ Announcer] You gotta be shittin'me.

- Did he win?

Uh-oh. Look.

[ Announcer]

Holy shitl It's Beef Supremel

[ Rock ]

[ Announcer]

Beef Supremel Yeahl Yeahl

Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember

those crops we saw off the road...

- right by the Starbucks?

- Uh-huh.

- Hey. Wanna make some money?

- I like money.

Hey, um, the, uh- the main

screen is malfunctioning...

and they gonna need you

outside immediately.

There's a bunch of whores

in the hallway.

Come on, Frito.

Hurry.

Can't believe

you like money too.

- We should hang out.

- Totally.

[ Announcer]

He's behind the truckl

- Yes! Yes!

- [ Mouthing Words ]

- He's behind the f***ing truck!

- He's over there!

[ Announcer]

Behind the truck, stupidl

Look!

Sh*t.

That's a good deal.

- [ Frito ] Extra foam.

- I got a bunch of money too.

- Forgot what it was for.

- Huh.

- You think it was for lattes?

- Yeah. Probably.

- [ Frito ] You like money and sex?

You're trippin'me out.

- What the f***?

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Just hold on, okay?

Everyone just take it easy, okay?

- [ Crowd Booing ]

Can I just

say something here?

I don't even know

what I'm guilty of here.

I never said that I was the smartest person

on earth. You people did.

I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs

and all your money...

and I'm very sorry

that that happened.

But I'm tellin'you...

if you put water on the crops,

it might actually-

No, it will work.

I promise you!

You just have to believe me.

I just wanted to help you. That's all.

So you can try and shoot me.

You can try and run me over, whatever.

But I just want you to ask yourselves

one question first.

Do you really want to live

in a world...

where you try to blow up the one person

that's tryin' to help you?

[ All Laughing ]

Hold on. Just hold on.

[ Indistinct ]

Oh, man.

That was great.

Hey, was I wearing pants

when we went in there?

Sh*t. What do I look like,

a pants goblin?

Wait.

This reminds me of something.

Uh, "Rehabil-Rehabilate-

- Rehabilation."

- Why do you keep trying to read that word?

- You a fag?

- I'll fag your face!

- Come on, Frito.

- Yeah. I don't think so.

Oh, yeah.

This guy just got

his ass a pardon!

[ All Cheering ]

[ Laughing ]

Yeah!

[ Rock ]

Man, Rita. I mean,

I don't know what to say.

You saved my life.

No one's ever done anything like that for me.

Yeah, well...

you were looking out for the whole world so,

you know...

- I thought someone should look out for you too.

- Thanks.

I can't believe I'm even

saying this, but...

even though these people

tried to kill me...

- you know, I think I'm actually gonna

kinda miss 'em.

- Yeah.

Frito- he's gonna give us

a ride back to the time machine.

I just, uh-

I hope he's okay to drive.

It's you. Oh, man,

I really love your show.

Thank you so much.

- Uh, Joe, I'm not going.

- What?

I had some pretty bad habits back there

that I don't want to fall into again.

Maybe it's time

I got a new start.

Besides, they offered me

a pretty good job at Starbucks here.

- I'm gonna be a C.E.O.

- At Starbucks?

- Yeah.

- Yeah? You're still gonna paint though, right?

Yeah. Sure.

I guess this is

good-bye then.

[ Camacho ]

Hey, hey, hey, heyl

I got a couple

presidential decrees to make!

I got a couple

presidential decrees to make!

Not Sure, get your ass up here,

wherever you is.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Let me get that little

peanut head up here.

Yo. Yo.

[ Laughs ]

I have decided...

to make this man-

the man who solved

all our problems-

I have decided to make him...

my new vice president.

[ All Cheering ]

Mr. President, thanks.

That's real cool of you, sir...

- but I can't accept it, sir.

- What? Why?

- You know, I gotta get home.

- But we still got all these problems.

Look, you know, you're just gonna

have to solve 'em yourselves.

- How?

- Think about it, you know?

You're just gonna have to figure it out

like we did with the crops.

But how are we gonna figure out about

the garbage "ambulanches"and the "comony"?

And what about the nuc-

"nucular"reactor in Florida?

It's broke and leaky

and something's happening.

- I thought it was in Georgia.

- Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass.

Hey. Hey, I know.

Let's put toilet water on it. Huh?

- Yeah!

- Good, good. That's a good idea.

- [ Minister of Defense] Like we did on the crops.

- Come on, vato.

Hey, you can't leave.

Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow,

or get outta the way" sh*t, huh?

I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore,

can I? You know what?

- Forget about the time machine.

- Yeah!

[ All Cheering ]

That ride sucks anyways.

Ride?

[ Male Voice]

Welcome to the Time Masheen.

We are going to take you back,

first to the year 1939...

when Charlie Chaplin

and his evil Nazi regime...

enslaved Europe and tried

to take over the world.

So you knew this thing

was just a ride the whole time?

Yeah. You thought you could really

travel through time, huh?

- Yeah, I guess I did.

- Yeah.

For the smartest guy in the world,

you're pretty dumb sometimes.

- So why didn't you tell us?

- 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry.

But if it's not a real time machine,

there wouldn't have been any money.

You know, 'cause I can't go back in time

and open a savings account.

Uh, uh, uh-

Yeah. Don't worry about it.

It's okay.

Well,

I guess we're stuck here.

[ Male Voice] But then an even

greater force emerged- the "UN."

And the "UN"

un-nazied the world forever.

And the "UN"

un-nazied the world forever.

[ Narrator] And so, after serving a short

term as vice president...

Joe was elected

the president of America.

Frito became vice president...

and Rita, the former prostitute,

became first lady.

Today I step into the shoes

of a great man...

a man by the name

of Dwayne Elizondo...

Mountain Dew

Herbert Camacho.

[ Narrator] Under Rresident Not Sure's

leadership, a new era dawned.

You know, there was a time

in this country...

when smart people

were considered cool.

Well, maybe not cool,

but smart people did things...

like build ships and pyramids,

and they even went to the moon.

[ Man ]

Yeah!

And there was a time

in this country, a long time ago...

when reading wasn't

just for fags...

and neither was writing.

Reople wrote books and movies,

movies that had stories...

so you cared whose ass it was

and why it was farting.

And I believe that time

can come again!

[ All Cheering ]

[ All Chanting ]

Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure!

[ Narrator]

Joe and Rita had three children...

the three smartest kids

in the world.

Vice Rresident Frito

took eight wives...

and had a total of 32 kids-

thirty-two of the dumbest kids

ever to walk the earth.

Okay, so maybeJoe

didn't save mankind...

but he got the ball rolling...

and that's pretty good

for an average guy.

I'm gonna go find this ho.

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