Igby Goes Down Page #3

- Maybe you should read it before judging it.

- I'm pretty confident.

After all, one of the copies was from you.

I'm Oliver, and this is my little brother, lgby.

What kind of a name is "lgby"?

It's the kind of a name that someone

named Sookie is in no position to question.

Sookie?

- Where do you go to school?

- Bennington.

Ollie's majoring in Neo-Fascism

at Columbia.

- Economics.

- Semantics.

- What's your major?

- Attitude.

- I've gotta get back to the bar.

- That's where I'm headed.

Catch you kids later.

D.H. brings you up a lot.

- Captain Charisma is my godfather.

- I know.

So, if something horrible, God forbid...

...were to befall my mother,

I would live with him and Bunny.

- I know what godparents are.

- You're ripping apart my potential home.

- My being here offends you?

- Your being here is great.

- I had no choice.

- No, really. I think you're great.

Thank you.

It's him bringing you here that tortures me.

I love the fact that the captain

of the morality team invites his chick...

...to the same party as his wife, who isn't

the sharpest tool in the shed anymore.

And what's more, none of their supposed

mutual friends protects her.

None of them bats a f***ing eyelash

at his hypocrisy. I love that, I really do.

Embrace your moral hypocrisy,

D.H. Go for it.

- But me you're okay with.

- Honestly.

Listen, you know what?

If you're ever in the city,

you should pop by the loft.

We're done working on it.

I know.

No worries, Mother,

Igby is on his way to the airport,

The driver's been briefed

to take him directly to LaGuardia,

He'll be in St, Anthony's loving custody

by this afternoon,

And happy birthday, Mother,

Much love,

Sir?

It's my mother's birthday today, and I forgot.

Is there any way that...

...we could just...

...make a quick stop

in the city somewhere, so...

...I can get her something?

She'd be so surprised.

Can I help you?

Hey.

You remember me?

From the Hamptons John Birch Cotillion.

Yeah. How you doin'?

Come on in.

So, you said you'd come by and you did.

A month later.

- Love what you've done with the space.

- I love what the space has done to her.

- Igby.

- This is my friend, Russel.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Igby is D.H.'s...

- Godson.

- Russel's just...

- What?

He's just a brilliant artist.

So, what are you doing here?

Celebrating.

St. Anthony's accepted me.

Congratulations?

I'm on the lam.

- You want to stay here?

- lf there's enough room.

You can't stay here.

I don't even live here.

I rent this space to work in. I work here.

I pay rent.

D.H. doesn't even know you're here?

It's kind of awkward.

Great.

I don't know what you're gonna do,

because there isn't an extra key...

...and only D.H. can get them made, so...

There's an extra key on the windowsill

in the hallway, the landing outside the door.

But it has to be here when D.H. needs it.

- Why would D.H. need it?

- F*** you!

You can stay here for a couple days

and that's it.

Contrary to popular belief,

D.H. is my landlord.

I'm an established artist. I work here.

My projects are supported.

I can't afford to f*** up my relationship

with my landlord. Do you understand?

So, let yourself in and out...

...with the key,

but each time he reaches for it...

...it's there waiting for him.

- Sure.

I don't wanna know you're here

or see any traces of you in here.

Gotcha.

For a couple of days.

I'm just gonna run to the bathroom.

So, you're an artist?

What kind of art?

What do you mean, "what kind of art"?

I mean do you paint, or what?

I got what you meant,

but you obviously didn't get what I meant.

An artist creates art,

regardless of what form the canvas takes.

- So, what do you do? Paint?

- I'm a performance artist.

So, you don't paint.

Rachel thinks that D.H. is going to...

...leave his wifey and set up house with her.

- Shut the f*** up, Russel!

What do you think the chances of that are?

Moneybuckets, take me away!

Could you persuade your godfather

into letting me use one of his buildings...

...for one of my pieces?

- What would you want to do with it?

- I don't know.

Russel is just, like...

...very brilliant.

- How old are you?

- I'm 18.

I'm very close to being 18.

- Still no news on lgby?

- No.

He will turn up.

D, H, is,,,

,,, spending more time in New York these

days than here in Georgetown, so,,,

...he is bound to find him.

You know, listen,

I just want you to know that if you should,,,

,,, take a very bad turn,,,

...death, for instance...

Not to worry about the boys.

D, H, was so excited

about having them this summer,,,

...and, you know,

if we could be surrogates...

...and help the boys in any way,

you know that would make us very happy.

I just want you to know that,

Not to mention the fact that he's,,,,

Over the years, he's invested,,,

,,, an awful lot emotionally

and, well, financially into the boys,

Igby's tuition and such,

I mean, where else would you turn?

Jason?

Handsome,

- Handsome, sad Jason,,,

- Shut up.

...who so depleted your finances

and your options.

I mean, the sacrifices

you've made to the boys...

...I'm just, well, how...

- How did you do it?

- Stirrups and a turkey baster.

- Bunny?

- Yeah?

You are a feeble woman.

Did I hear Mimi?

She's just freshening up.

She's freshening up?

Mimi?

Did she leave, D.H.?

Without saying goodbye?

She did leave a note.

Of course she did.

Sweet Mimi!

Can't you hit D.H. up for some bucks?

I'd ask him myself,

but I'm not having sex with him.

- F*** you. Get a job.

- Please!

Things have become fragile with D.H.

What things?

Me.

Russel!

You're not even paying rent.

All you really need is pocket cash.

I have needs.

Russel's always looking for assistants

for projects.

I'm sure he'd throw you work

as a favor to me. He loves me.

Where the f*** are you?

On one of his artworks?

- Sh*t!

- Catch!

I know you. You're that boy

from the Hamptons party.

Iggy?

I met you at your uncle's party.

Igby. He's my godfather. Leave me alone.

Igby.

What?

Dime bag.

That got your attention.

Pavlov's pothead.

I hear the sound of a bong clink

and my eyes begin to water.

That's funny.

Thanks.

The park?

Yeah.

You can't guard me, Mindy!

C'mon, where'd it go?

Oh, sh*t!

- You b*tch!

- My ball, cuntface!

- Are you a vegetarian?

- Why would you ask that?

I've just never seen anybody

roll a joint like that.

What does that have to do

with being a vegetarian?

They're just so precious.

I roll perfect joints.

- I'm not putting them down. They're great.

- Thank you.

It's incredible that a human being

could make such neat little joints.

You make it sound as if

I'm anal or something.

- Just because I can roll a perfect joint.

- Not anal.

Vegetarian.

What does that mean?

You don't roll

big Rasta spliff joints, do you?

Your joints are like salad joints,

not like a big...

...sloppy, bleeding-cheeseburger-

that-you-rip-into-kind-of-a-joint joint.

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