Igby Goes Down Page #5

His mind functions only to make money.

He thinks he has everything

he could possibly want...

...so he walks around acting the way he

thinks a happy and content man should act.

He's a parody.

- lf he's a parody, why do you work for him?

- He's an obscenely rich parody.

And if he wants to make me

in his image, hey.

What does your mother do?

She's a writer,

though mostly she just teaches now.

Is she divorced?

Never married.

- How come?

- Doesn't like men.

- Lesbian.

- No.

Just a failed heterosexual.

Listen, thanks for the lift.

Sh*t!

What, did you lose your wallet?

I don't have the keys

to my aunt's apartment.

- The doorman won't let you in?

- He's totally senile, never remembers me.

I'll just wait for her,

Wander around,

She'll be in this evening at some point.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

- Could I use your phone?

- Sure.

I mean, God.

Can I get a receipt?

Mimi...

...had been afraid someone

would find something embarrassing.

So up went her little soldier...

...while she waited downstairs.

This old lady led me to his desk,

And before she left me there, made sure

to give me a nice pat on the head.

I wanted to break her f***ing hand.

So, I sat down in my father's chair

and I started looking in his desk.

Each drawer that I opened was the same,

No books, no pencils...

...just row upon row

of meticulously stacked cigarettes.

Thousands of them.

And all I could think was...

...not the extent to which

my father's sickness had damaged him...

...but rather:

"Gosh...

"...how would somebody do this without

anyone in the office being the wiser?"

You know, not "my father's so far f***ing

gone, he ain't never comin' back..."

...but just:

"How the f***

did he get all of these cigarettes...

"...into this desk?"

You were numb.

Sookie...

...I am numb.

- Everything all right here, folks? You okay?

- Great.

Excuse me! I'm sorry.

Do you want me to give this to you

or should I hang on to it?

I want you to pin it to my lapel

with my mittens and nametag.

- Snippy. No bus-ride treat for you.

- Shut up!

You're being really immature about this.

If I'm immature, you're prenatal.

God, to be impressed by that preppy prick.

We hung out. We're closer in age.

He's your brother.

You act like you hate him.

I do!

I do hate him. He's totally hateable.

Evil, niblet f***.

There's been a misunderstanding,

Next fall is not good,

I need my son enrolled this spring,

Have you spoken to his godfather,

D, H, Banes?

Igby is his favorite charity,

He's sponsoring the boy, as in, financially,

What do we have to do, then,

to make it happen this spring?

You do that.

Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

I'm goin' to California.

I need a f***in' sunny day.

Can I come?

I'm serious.

There's nothing keeping me here.

Except perhaps poverty.

- Can't let that stop you.

- I can't.

I've always wanted

to drive across the country.

- Maybe this summer.

- F*** that. I'm flying.

- I wanna come, a**hole.

- Good.

'Cause I'd be afraid to go by myself.

- May I freshen your drink?

- A little baby portion, please.

Bigger baby.

Thank you.

I must say...

...you have perfected the hobo look.

You didn't buy the suit, did you?

Someone left it someplace for you?

Dad.

How apropos.

I want my money.

My money from Dad.

I'll get it in two years, anyway.

- So you can extend your vacation?

- I need it.

You freed it up early for Ollie.

Ollie graduated from high school.

He graduated at the top of his class.

He earned it.

I'm not gonna subsidize your being a bum.

- It's a moot point, anyhow.

- What do you mean?

You're assuming Jason provided for you

in the same manner he provided for Ollie.

Yes.

He didn't.

You're lying.

Darling...

...why would I lie when I can just say "no"?

I've had a conversation with Mr. McKaye...

...headmaster of St. Anthony's, and in spite

of your little disappearing act this fall...

...he has agreed to admit you

after Christmas.

- You'll be boarding there...

- I'm not going back.

I passed the equivalency test.

I don't have to go back.

Of course, I don't trust you with the train

fare, so if you just look up Ollie...

...tell him that I will reimburse him

if he buys your ticket.

- I don't have his number.

- D.H. does.

If it had just occurred to me

to mention it to Ollie.

I saw him this afternoon,

for lunch, with his girlfriend.

In fact, you just missed him,

darling, by about...

...an hour and a half.

His Connecticut one?

Though I rather liked her. This is a new

one, a rather attractive New York girl, a...

...Jewish girl.

You've reached my studio, If you want to

rent, leave your information after the beep,

Otherwise, you know what to do,

Honey? I hope I caught you,

Guess where I am, St, Vincent's Hospital,

We're having a party,

Everybody is here, just f***ing everybody,

It's a party,

A bad batch Mama sold you,

But I caught you in time, right?

You're not coming to this party, right?

Hello, Bunny? It's Igby,

I'm in New York. Listen, is D.H. there?

Thank you. She was by my place,

literally, seconds ago.

She must've used in the cab

on the way home.

My God, what's that about, right?

A little patience, girl, huh?

Hi. The doctor said

that she's gonna be fine.

Out tomorrow maybe.

Everything's taken care of.

Nothing more to do here.

I'm Rachel's friend, Russel.

Hi.

Need a lift? Headed back to the loft?

- Yeah. Thanks, D.H.

- Please.

I'm sorry I called like that.

I didn't know what else to do.

You did the right thing.

I'm glad we were on the island.

Good boy.

Very good boy.

You know, I was the best man at your

parents' wedding. Did you know that, lgby?

The golden couple.

That's what the paper called it.

My boy.

You know what I think you've been up to?

I think you've been pissing...

...in the well from which you drink.

That's what I think you've been up to.

What happened?

Breach of contract.

D.H. did this to you?

- I didn't know he could get angry.

- He wasn't angry.

He felt obligated.

Not to worry. I doubt it will affect

your position as his prime punk.

I think if Gandhi had had to hang out

with you for any prolonged period of time...

...he'd have ended up

kicking the sh*t out of you.

Fuckwit.

Why?

Rachel.

You're screwing Rachel?

You're screwing Rachel?

Where was Rachel

when all this was going on?

OD'd.

Is she dead?

St. Vincent's.

Unbelievable.

Mom wanted me to escort you down to DC...

...and deliver you to St. Anthony's,

but you can't travel now.

At least not with me.

I'm not going. I took the equivalency test.

- I don't have to go.

- Humor her.

Humor me and f*** off.

Apparently, they found another lump.

Good.

Say hello to Sookie for me.

You see...

...I have this...

I feel...

...this...

...great...

...pressure...

...coming down on me.

It's crushing me,

It's just you and me, old man.

Are you there?

Oh, my God!

I'm in the shower.

Go away. Come back later!

- We've gotta go now. I gotta get out of here.

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