iGirlfriend Page #2

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[clicking]

[phone dinging]

[phone dinging]

[clicking]

[phone buzzing]

[laughter]

Now class, let's quiet down

because this is the best part.

[music playing]

[phone dinging]

[clicking]

Peg.

Hey.

What's up?

Who are you texting?

My girlfriend.

Oh.

What, what, why?

Oh, nothing.

I was just thinking...

nothing.

Thinking what?

Let's talk after class.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[phone dinging]

[music playing]

(SINGING) A lot of butts.

Sorry, guys.

It's my girlfriend, Lilly.

[laughter]

She' really into me.

Well, that's it.

Now, from now on when

you enter this class,

you will leave your phones

right here in this basket.

And when you leave, you

can take them with you.

[bell ringing]

I thought you were

different, Simon.

[laughter]

Dude, I accidentally

mixed up the messages.

Stacy go the ones I wrote

and Lilly got the ones

that you wrote.

That's some sick stuff man.

I know.

Seriously?

Now, give me your phone.

I want to change it back.

Oh, no way.

No, this just worked

on Desiree, dude.

She wants to meet

me after class.

I got to go.

I got a semi in my pants.

[music playing]

First period, first f***ing

day of class and you're

going to be f***ing what?

Phone vag?

Language.

My bad Mr. Crowley.

What are you going to

do to make it up to me?

Anything you want.

Homework for a week.

Books.

A month.

Jesus Christ.

Come on, Peg.

[bell ringing]

Don't f*** with my flow or

I'm going to punch your face

right in the face.

Vag.

[music playing]

[phone dinging]

[music playing]

Stupid, pathetic idea.

[phone buzzing]

I wish I could make you real.

[music playing]

Dinner.

[music playing]

Simon, have you been crying?

Yeah.

Why on earth were you...

I had it all wrong, Mom.

I thought it should be a

program that's executable,

a robot that would just randomly

send out messages I told it to.

But that's not it at all.

You see, it had to

think and respond.

If I just work on my

algorithm a little bit more

to define the perimeters

of what we perceive

as human emotion, then just

a few simple responses,

I can feed it information.

Wait, I don't have to

feed it information.

As long as it has an

internet connection,

it has a brain that has

access to all the information

it could ever want.

My algorithm just

need to provide it

with access and a

filter, that way

it can make

decisions and respond

to me based on those decisions.

It's not just a

random generator,

it's a program that can

actually think and carry

on a conversation like a

companion, like a person.

That's nice, dear.

We're definitely going

to talk about why

you were crying, though.

Later.

Now, your father

and I are leaving

for Aunt Kate's in the morning.

I wrote out a list

of chores that you

need to do when we're gone,

it's on the chalkboard.

Peg can come by, but

he cannot stay past 10.

We'll be back on Sunday.

Simon.

Did you hear me?

Got it, Mom.

I worry about him.

He can't wait to get laid.

Harry.

What?

[music playing]

So now you need

a sense of humor.

[music playing]

So, what about the

tough questions?

[music playing]

Sex drive, maybe a little one.

[music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[phone buzzing]

This is going to take all night.

[music playing]

[beeping]

[music playing]

OK Simon, we're leaving.

They're toaster tarts in

the pantry for breakfast.

Don't be late for school.

Simon?

Simon!

OK, Mom.

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

(SINGING) Anything could.

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

(SINGING) Anything could.

Anything could happen.

Anything could happen.

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

OMG, did you hear Bash

and Desiree broke up?

He is so going to

[inaudible] at his party.

OMG.

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

Hey, no.

[phone buzzing]

Sup, Vag?

What's this?

Aw, we have all the

time in the world.

No you don't, you

have until Friday.

That's our English

assignment, especially

since you were too much of a

p*ssy to show up this morning.

I need it by Friday night,

so bring it to my party.

And bring your little girlfriend

too, I hear she's in college.

I totally get off on the idea

of the first college girl

I'll go balls deep

is stolen from you.

Hey, there's that bugger Peg

over there with Desiree again.

Like I give a sh*t.

I got girls waiting to blow me.

Let that geek carry her

purse for a few days.

I need a break anyway.

But if your BFF

touches her, I'll

split both your

nut sacks in half.

You got the Vag?

How can I have a nut

sack if I'm a vag?

Jell-O. Friday.

OK, so now we're

in agreement here.

Cindy's office squad

which is perfect,

because when you look

at your reputation

now we just can't have the

whole squad brought down by it.

Right.

I know.

So, shopping, I'll get her

make up all in place, and...

Desiree.

Anyway, what I'm

thinking... what?

You know what, why

don't we just finish up

this conversation tomorrow.

All right.

Sounds good.

OK.

Bye-bye.

I just wanted to

see if you wanted

to hang out and or something.

I know what you want,

you want to kiss me.

Maybe, maybe.

You know, whatever.

Yeah, sure.

What do you want to do, man?

I don't even care.

I have an idea, how about this?

Why don't you come over

to my place tonight

and help me with my homework.

And then afterwards, who

knows, maybe you'll get lucky.

Yeah, uh, yeah.

Uh, yeah, I got plans

but I can cancel.

Oh.

Um.

Down boy.

[music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

[water running]

[music playing]

Ow.

Son of a b*tch.

[music playing]

Who?

[music playing]

Its me, Simon.

Lilly?

No.

How?

You created me.

You designed me

and now I'm here.

No.

No, this isn't real.

I'm dreaming.

You were dreaming

that this happened?

[music playing]

Yup, this is exactly

what happens.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ow.

So am I.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'll clean it up.

[music playing]

[music playing]

OK.

I think I'm finished.

Desiree, I'm finished.

Did you do the

differentials part?

Yes, I did.

OK, because that's

what do tomorrow.

Ah well, I did it.

So...

So what?

Well, you know, I did

your homework for you

and we had a

conversation earlier.

It was a great

conversation, I loved it.

You're are so cute.

And you said something

about, uh, getting lucky.

Oh.

Well, don't you

have a girlfriend?

Oh, well she, uh, she um,

we have an understanding.

What kind of understanding?

Well, uh, you know,

she's a college girl,

and so she's super open minded.

We can see other people.

You know, it's not a big deal.

No.

No, I'm not OK with that.

If you want anything to

happen here tonight with me,

you have to end it with her.

OK.

Well?

What?

What you want me to do it now?

Right now?

Yes.

Now.

It's going to be a long

conversation, you know?

And it's going to take a while.

Now.

Yeah.

OK.

I could do it now.

That's fine.

Oh, and I want all those

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