iGirlfriend Page #3

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Facebook photos of you

two gone.

Uh, yeah.

OK.

I'll just untag myself.

No, I want them gone.

OK.

I'll go do that right now.

No.

Do it here.

I don't necessarily

think that's right.

I mean, you know, they

mean a lot to her.

I should let her

down easy, you know?

OK.

But just so you know,

you better do it quickly

because I'm not going

to wait here all night.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm just going

to grab my shoes.

I'll be right back.

[water running]

Simon, let me in, man.

Simon!

Hey, Simon, I know your mad,

man, but I need your laptop.

[laughter]

Simon, Simon.

Simon, I got to borrow

your laptop, dude.

Did you hear that?

Nothing.

OK.

Yup, Desiree wants

to bone tonight

and I got to be a

free man beforehand.

What the?

What is up with this?

Why is the keyboard all sticky?

Ew.

You know how girls are, man.

They always want to own

the pig, pun intended.

OK.

All right.

I'm taking your laptop, dude.

I'll leave a message.

Dear Simon, borrowing

your laptop,

bring back to school tomorrow.

Love

and kisses, Peg.

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[music playing]

You're so sexy when you wake up.

It wasn't a dream.

I'm so... you were [inaudible].

You were.

[music playing]

Mmmm.

You're going to love it.

[music playing]

It's so good.

It's so good.

I think you've got this covered.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[screaming]

[music playing]

All right.

Ew.

[music playing]

You know, I never

thought that Red Vines

would be so delicious.

I know, right?

They're so bad for you

but I don't even care.

Did you just Disney movie me?

Maybe.

That's pretty cheesy, babe.

[computer booting up]

Oh.

I guess it just needed

time to juice up, I guess.

Hey Stacey.

How are you doing?

Can we talk for a minute?

I need to tell you something.

It's not going to

work between us.

I know.

It's not you, OK?

It's me.

Well, it's a little bit

you because on the account

that you're not real.

But, you know what?

You did better than I ever

though you would for me.

You know?

You got me Desiree, and, you

know, you're a wonderful girl.

And listen, you know, I'm

sure that one day you're

going to go out

there, you're going

to make some sad, lonely

computer nerd super happy.

Not this guy, not me.

[music playing]

Damn.

Simon is like Rain

man with this sh*t.

What is this?

Sex drive at 15%?

Simon, you're such a p*ssy.

She's going to need more

emotional than that,

she's not a robot.

Maybe a little strength

too, maybe she'll

be beat Bash's ass for us.

There we go.

That's more like it.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Take it off.

Take it off.

Lilly!

Shut up!

Take it off.

Don't look me in the eye.

[music playing]

Your friend Peg broke up

with Stacey last night.

Yeah?

Desiree is pretty into him.

So are you going

to do that with me?

What?

What?

Break up with me

for some stupid slut

as soon as she starts showing

a little interest in you.

No, it's totally different.

Stacey's just someone

that Peg made up.

Desiree is a real

girl, so he must...

Well, you made me up.

Yeah, but you're real now.

Stacey was just a Facebook page.

Besides, Peg has had a crush

on Desiree for like ever.

Wait.

So if some little b*tch

you've had a crush on

starts showing a

little interest in you,

you are just going

to leave me for her?

Is that it?

I don't know what's happening.

OK.

Why are you so upset?

OK.

Just take a deep breath.

"The Woman in Me," by

Rebecca [inaudible]

says that when I am feeling

marginalized by my man,

I just need to

take a deep breath

and step back, and count

the ways in which I

am a powerful woman.

I won't let you steal my power.

Baby, just...

Don't use that word.

That word is designed to

lower my feminine value.

I apologize.

OK.

I don't want to fight.

Do you love me?

So much.

And you promise you

will never ever leave me

for some stupid slut?

No, no, no, no, mam.

Can you stay with me today?

It's just too early

for you to leave me.

I have to go.

If I miss more than one

class, they call my parents.

Oh, I've got it.

Mrs. Dops?

Simon has a fever today

and we wouldn't want

him giving it to anyone else.

Thank you so much.

I'll tell him.

OK.

Done.

Now, let's have a

little fun and then

I can fill your

tummy with pancakes.

Oh my God.

You're the perfect woman.

So she was like,

"That's my purse,"

like she owned it

already, but I mean,

we were both in the same store.

And if she wanted

it that badly, she

wouldn't have left

it outside when

she was in the dressing room.

OMG, what did you do?

B*tch tried to call

security on me,

so I just took

out my credit card

and I paid for it, staring her

down the whole time smiling.

I mean, what was

she going to do?

[laughter]

What?

You made your point.

Listen, I'm not here to

apologize or anything,

and I'm not saying anything

is going on with Sydney,

but if it were...

and last night it

was, it would be over.

Like I care.

I already got that

b*tch thrown off

the cheer leading squad anyway.

And what about that slut who

said she was going to blow you?

Listen Bash, the girl obviously

doesn't want to talk to you.

So why don't you just...

Shut up.

OK.

Baby, I'm done with the whole

blow job receiving business.

Totally.

OK.

You're dismissed.

Huh?

We're done here.

You can go now.

Go away.

Is that Simon's?

Uh, yeah.

I'm supposed to give it to him.

Go.

So cute.

Bash, baby, what

have you been up to?

[music playing]

Have balls, Peg.

[music playing]

Mmm, pancakes.

Baby?

Lilly, sorry.

Lilly the door is locked

from the outside, I guess.

[music playing]

The door was locked.

I would have gone

down and helped you.

I know, I locked it.

What?

Why would you do that?

It's just better this way.

What's better?

What way?

Did you know that 99.7%

of all relationships

starting in high school end?

I can't have you

leaving with the odds

overwhelmingly against us.

I just want us to stay

together, sweetie.

So, you just want to keep

me locked up in my house?

In your room, yes.

When you say it like that

you make it sound so bad.

OK.

Sweetheart, I know

this is all new to you,

but I have to be able

to eat and drink and...

I'll get you whatever you need.

Honey, this is just silly.

You're just looking

for an excuse

to leave me like your

pervy little friend, Peg.

Now, Lilly, this is not

acceptable behavior.

Don't talk down to me like that.

In "Taking My Power Back,

by Beatrice Lesband,

she says that men

are free to roam

wherever they please

while woman are

expected to just stay at home.

Oh, we're not roaming anywhere,

Mr. You're staying right here.

Deep breathes.

Count the ways in which

I am a powerful woman.

Now, eat your pancakes, and

I'm going to go clean up

after making your breakfast.

I need to cool down.

[door slamming]

I'm so sorry.

I just... I'm just so

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