iGirlfriend Page #4

---

afraid without you.

I don't know what I did.

Baby, here.

I'll clean this up.

There's that word again.

You don't respect me, do you?

Baby, baby, baby.

Who else are you calling baby?

No one.

Only you.

I promise.

I'll never say it again.

Oh, I'll show you.

[door slamming]

[music playing]

You're so strong.

Where did you get handcuffs?

Amazon.

I got them for us.

I thought it would add

excitement in the bedroom.

Aw, that's sweet.

Right?

There.

Now, you stay here

and rest and I'm

going to go downstairs and

clean up the mess you made.

[music playing]

Come on.

[phone buzzing]

Simon, dude, I don't think

I've ever made a phone

call on this phone before.

That's how important this is.

Please answer your phone.

Dude, come on.

You know what?

F*** it.

I'm coming over right now, dude.

[music playing]

No way.

[music playing]

What are you doing?

Don't worry about it.

Just take off your shirt

and get on the bed.

I'm about to get

super cranked up.

No.

No way, we need to

talk about this.

I'm not OK with what happened.

Who is that girl?

We're about to find out.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh.

Oh my God, I'm so out of shape.

God, this is the only time I'll

thank you for a small hand.

[music playing]

[music playing]

Look, will you stop

playing around on Facebook

and come talk to me?

Babe, I'm at work.

Oh my God, don't babe me.

Get over here.

Me too, babe.

You're such a ass,

douche bag, whole ass.

You know, I'm not coming

to your party tonight.

And, I was going

to make cupcakes.

Desiree, what kind of cupcakes?

Strawberry.

Those are my favorite.

Well, I know that's silly.

Simon, was that you?

You crafty little devil.

How did you slip

those handcuffs?

Simon?

Simon?

Oh, you poor thing.

You're hurt.

Woah.

No!

[struggling]

Oh my God.

I'm just going to

walk from here.

What's the worst

that could happen?

Oh my God.

Oh f*** me.

Oh.

OK.

[door knocking]

Oh God.

Simon?

Let me in, man.

Who is it?

Simon, let me in, man.

Now's not a really

good time, man.

Simon, just let me

talk for a minute

and I can explain everything.

Look I'm sorry, man.

I got caught up being

popular and having

Desiree be so into me.

You know?

She was really into

me, but you what?

I decided to leave that

and come here for you, man.

Simon?

Simon?

Simon?

Damn.

You see right through

me, don't you?

Best buds always do.

She dumped me, man

like month old cheese.

Like I wasn't even

a real person.

Liked all those hot, steamy,

passion-filled nights.

It's like they meant

nothing to her,

like it didn't even happen.

All right, full disclosure,

that thing I just said,

it was a lie.

The thing about the

passion-filled nights

never happened.

But you're going to bet

your ass that I'm going

to tell everyone that it did.

I don't care what

Bash does to me.

OK.

That thing I just

said was a lie.

I absolutely care

what Bash does to me.

I'm sorry I bailed on you.

When you needed me most I just...

oh sh*t.

Oh sh*t.

I'm coming little buddy.

Damnit.

Oh sh*t.

Simon.

Who the hell is that?

It's Lilly.

No, seriously.

Who is it?

Oh damn, it's a hooker isn't it?

Mam, we're minors, OK?

So, whatever money

he owes you we

could probably pay

it back, just...

God damn.

Hookers are strong.

Shut up you little perv.

It's Lilly for real.

Now stop pulling on me.

Oh my god.

What the hell?

Don't leave.

Hey, help.

Help.

Help.

Hey.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Look at this sh*t,

emotions 21%, strength 80%,

what the hell does this mean?

Baby, what are you doing?

People are downstairs

waiting for us.

Nag much?

Just go downstairs, I'll

be there in a second.

Oh sh*t, sex drive 91%.

Simon, you dirty little vag.

Why do you keep using that word?

I don't think it means

what you think it means.

Quit breaking my balls.

Just go downstairs.

Ass hole.

Love you, baby.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating Updating.

WT f***, man.

Updating.

Updating.

How is she real or or whatever?

I can't even begin to explain.

One minute she

was an iPhone app,

and the next she was right

there in front of me.

Updating.

Oh my God.

This is crazy, this is

crazy, this is crazy.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Let's get out of here.

Come on.

What do we do?

We've got to get out of here.

Where do we go?

I have to get my laptop.

Yeah.

Here's the thing about your

laptop, Bash kind of stole it.

You have got to be shitting me.

We got to go to Bash's?

Oh f*** that.

No.

Let's go to my house,

let's hide out.

No.

We've got to go to Bash's.

I've screwed all of this up

and now I've got to fix it.

[screaming]

[music playing]

Ladies and gentleman, this

evening's entertainment.

So we all know our little friend

Simon and his new girlfriend,

but what you all don't know is

that he created this chick out

of thin air.

All these photos,

are Photo Shopped.

Let me show you some pictures

that weren't Photo Shopped.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

Updating.

Updating.

Simon.

Simon, don't leave me.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

OK.

OK.

OK.

I'm freaking out.

I'm done.

I'm done.

Why is she so psycho?

I don't know.

Everything has been

great, like really great.

All day yesterday was

awesome, you know?

Wait, did you bang that thing?

It's not a thing, it's a girl.

And yes, like a lot.

Nice, man.

[music playing]

What?

[music playing]

Oh, OK.

What are we supposed to do?

Kill her?

No.

No, man.

I'm going to fix her.

I just need my laptop.

Geez.

Updating.

Updating.

[beeping]

[music playing]

God damnit, not again.

Updating.

Updating.

[laughter]

Why is everyone laughing?

Maybe because of that.

That's it.

I thought that would

be more dramatic.

Yeah.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Bash?

Bash?

Well well, If it isn't

Casanova himself.

Give me my laptop.

Yeah, give him his laptop, dude.

What are you going to

do if I don't, Vag?

Man, you don't understand.

I need that laptop.

Well, come get it.

[screaming]

F*** it.

We don't have time for this.

Simon?

I'm not mad, sweetie,

I just want to talk.

Hey baby, what's up?

You.

What do you want, b*tch?

You're the tramp that wrecked

my best friend's relationship.

Whatever, slut.

Aw, cat fight.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh!

Oh Peg.

I told I'd go balls deep

in your girlfriend tonight.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

Updating.

No f***ing way.

Updating.

Updating.

Peg.

Updating.

Oh, Peg.

That was so... that was so sweet.

I can't believe you did that.

Desiree?

Is that you?

It's so dark.

It's so cold.

Let me try to get

the bottle out.

Oh God, no.

No, that's tender.

That's tender.

It's just your shoulder.

I'm pretty sure if you clean

up the wound it'll be OK.

Oh, I didn't know

you were a doctor.

Go away please.

Desiree, don't listen to her.

She's crazy.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes