Igor Page #3

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Piggyback rides?

It's my turn!

I wanna go next!

I wanna go next!

Me! Me! Pick me!

Me! Me!

Blind orphans

get everything!

Ah

Your very large friend

is a sweetheart.

No, she's not.

I am your master,

and I command you

to stop this gesture

of goodwill right now

and put them down.

Down!

Okay, now you're gonna

march right back to

the castle, got it?

Oh, he's dead!

(SNIRFS)

Those are

paper flowers

the orphans sell.

Sounds like someone

likes them

You touch it,

you buy it!

(CREATURE HOWLING)

(PANTING)

Master!

I looked inside

Dr Glickenstein's

castle

and didn't see anyone.

But that's not all...

Yes, it s,

because your

voice is annoying.

Now to break into

Glickenstein's

castle

and steal the plans

like Heid failed

to do.

What did this?

I'm guessing

something big.

Something like this.

Life? Glickenstein

invented life?

I don't think he

had a hand in it.

Well, if he's toast,

who invented that?

I don't believe it.

Wow,

so not only is every

other Evil Scientist

smarter than you,

an Igor is, too?

(CHUCKLES) Ouch!

Smart is not

mouthing off

to the man who has

just found his way

to take the throne.

(VOCALIZING)

(BABY, WON'T YOU PLEASE

COME HOME PLAYING)

Oh, baby, won't you

please come home?

'Cause your little daddy's

gonna be all elone

She must be making

a club of flowers

to smash us with.

(WHISPERING)

This must be very

embarrassing for you.

I never thought that

we could part

For every hour in the day

you can hear me say

Baby, won't you

please come home?

I need you, I need you

Okay clearly

her Evil Bone

wasn't activated

when she came to

life. That's it.

Ooh! I have an idea!

Is it about

this situation?

No.

Is it even an idea?

Is French fries

an idea?

(BUZZING)

So, how do you

activate it?

We need to

kick-start it

We need to get

her to commit

one act of evil.

(SCORRS)

She wouldn't

hurt a fly.

Okay. Monster,

I command you to

kill that fly.

Kill it! Kill it!

Kill it,

girl! Come on!

You're a killer!

Maim it!

Wound it!

Insult it!

Something!

Kill it! Kill it!

Kill, kill, kill!

You were saying?

(BUZZING)

No, no, no!

You're evil!

Evil!

Evil!

E...

Eva.

What? No,

you're not Eva.

Eva. Eva.

What now,

genius?

Well, thank you

for asking. What

we're going to do...

Go soak your

brain Brian.

That's actually

not a bad idea.

IGOR:
Monster want

a brain wash?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(BUZZER RINGS)

Next!

Hi, I'd like to...

Hey, who you talking to?

I'm the head guy here!

Oh, excuse me. Sorry.

What the heck

is that?

It's my Aunt Eva.

She's getting

a little sweet

in her old age

so I'd like

to, I don't know,

evil her up a bit.

"Sunday Night Massacre."

No. "Arsonist. '

Gee, they all

look so good.

How about the

"Axe Murderer"

brain wash?

Oh! She must be

very special to

you.

Hey! Don't touch

that! It s a very

complicated system!

One wrong button

and you'll just be

watching regular cable!

You wanna waste

your nephew's money

ike that? Huh? Huh?

(SCREAMING)

(KNIFE SWIPING)

Gosh I feel like

I'm sending my kid

off to school for

the first time.

You know, to learn

how to murder.

Hi. How are you?

Great wings.

Listen, could you

squeeze me in for

a brain wash, too?

A nice thorough

scrubbing.

What are you?

An imbecile?

Oh, perlez Italian?

Taco grande to meet

you.

Yeah. Take Brian

to Room Number 4.

"Wish you weren't there.

"This card teleports your

enemy to you so you can

destroy him in person."

Call me old- fashioned,

but what happened

to cards that just

blew your head off?

Just think Scamper.

In a few short moments,

I'm gonna have the

most Evil Invention

of all time.

It's my whole life savings,

but I think I'm going

to treat myself.

(CLICKING)

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

Oh, my hunch.

"Happy Mother's Day.'

See, that's what

I'm talking about.

Simple, elegant, classic.

You've seen a lot

of brains I'm sure.

Mine's biggerthan

average, right? No?

Hello? Can you

even talk?

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

Canadians.

I'll just watch TV.

Whoops!

Butterfingers.

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

Oh. Great. Hold on.

(SHUDDERING) And it's cold,

it's cold, it's cold,

it's cold, it's cold.

(SCREAMING)

Hey, Monster, can I

borrow your remote?

Thank you.

Oh, come on!

(SCREAMING)

(JINGLE PLAYING)

Let's do the twist

Around and around

and around

Stupid remote!

To plumb the depths

of Blanche DuBois

in Streetcar

is the ultimate chellenge

for any modern actress.

Well, our evil bun

should be out of

the oven soon.

Estephan, you're

a magician!

What s that smell?

My new air freshener,

"Dead Dog." Jealous?

I don't hear anything.

(SCREAMING)

I think it worked.

(ROARING)

Maybe they

dld too much?

Oh. Was it?

Was I too much?

I was pushing,

wasn't I?

It was only a vocal

exercise, but that is

a beginner's mistake

I have to own that.

That's just where I am.

If only I knew

whether I had

the "it" factor.

But how can you

know? I mean, you

can t learn that,

you just have to

be born with it.

Oh listen to me

going on and on

about me, me, me.

Let's talk about

you, Igor Do you

think I have "it"?

Let's thank ourguest who

has taught us in one hour,

a lifetime worth of

lessons in acting.

Acting?

(EXCLAIMS)

Who changed

the channel?

Wait, where's

the remote?

Move it!

I need this room.

No, no, no

Wait! We need to

unbrainwash her!

No can do, pal.

Every wash comes with

a sealant guaranteed

to last a lifetime.

In otherwords,

buzz off!

EVA:
Okay, things to do,

sign up for yoga classes

get new headshots,

adopt children from

all over the world.

Oh time for my

elocution exercises.

I need a box of biscuits

I need a box of biscuits

It s just failure

after failure.

After failure,

after failure...

Oh, sorry, I thought

we were counting off

all your failures.

EVA:
Biscuit mixer

a box of mix...

A box of mixed

biscuits and a

biscuit mixer.

I need a box...

Stop the carriage!

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Ow!

What? What's

the matter?

I don't mean to be a

prima donna, but I thlnk

I need a bigger trailer.

After failure,

after failure,

after failure...

After failure,

after failure...

That monster is

about to be mine.

Oh, really? How?

Well, with a little

something I just stole

for the occasion, okay?

(CLANKING)

EVA:
Practice poses

for the red carpet,

become an environmentalist,

but still fly private

when necessary.

A Shrink Ray? Oh,

that's a genius plan

for stealing a monster.

Hey! I don't come

down to where you

work and...

Oh, that's right,

you don t work! So shut

your cake hole, darling!

Now to shrink Igor

and steal his monster.

(BEEPING)

(GASPS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh, God Did I hit it?

Did I hit it? I hope

I didn't hit it!

You, sir, put

the "Evil" in

"Evil Scientist."

Here we go

(SHRINK RAY BUZZING)

What the...

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Hold on! Pull over.

I'm getting jar sick!

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