Igor Page #4

---

Someone's trying

to shoot us!

Paparazzi! Why can't

those vultures leave

me alone?

(BRAIN EXCLAIMING IN DISTRESS)

BRAIN:
This has totally

rulned my spa day.

(BUZZING)

SCAMPER:

To the right!

To the right!

EVA:
This is the

worst car service

I have ever used!

Now I get to

watch you die.

Hold on!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Brake. Brake!

Uh- oh!

DR. SCHADENRREUDE:

Put the brake on,

you...

(SCREAMING)

Okay.

Fire the rocket booster!

I can't see

who it isl

DR. SCHADENRREUDE:

Here I come!

BRAIN:
Oh

My beautiful face.

(MACHINERY BEEPING)

No more Doctor

Don't Kill Anybody!

(SHUDDERING)

We're not gonna make t!

We're not gonna make t!

(ALL SCREAMING)

If only you'd

made yourself

indesttructible!

Indestructible.

Indestructible

Who wants to be

a big movie star?

Me! Me! I do.

(SCREAMING)

(METAL CREAKING)

IGOR:
This would be the

right time to curb your

suicida tendencies.

BRAIN (ECHOING)

Hey I can see my

room from here.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SNIRFING)

Go away! Look,

I'm very important.

Ew! What's

that smell?

Oh, yes, wait, it's

the big, whopping

stench of failure.

Ironically, at an inch

tall, you still have the

biggest mouth in Malaria.

(GASPS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

IGOR:
Thank you.

You're very welcome.

You saved my life.

As an actor, I feel

things very deeply, and

I treasure all of life.

(HUMMING)

FIY,

it's actually me

you should thank.

I was the one who

changed the channel

on her brain wash.

What?

Yep,

and if she had been

evil, she would have

let us all die.

So technically,

I'm the one who

saved us.

But no need

to thank me.

Actually,

a "thank you"

would be nice.

It could be n the

form of a card or

a poem, your choice.

I also like ponies.

An axe?

I don't want an

axe. That's crazy

Why would you

offer me an axe?

You made my

monster an

actress!

This is why people

are afraid of

hunchbacks!

This! Right here!

Oh! What play are

they rehearsing?

Brain-Deed.

Don't et him kill me!

It's gonna be a smash

Don't let him kill me!

(WHIMPERING)

(EXHALES)

The only thing

killed here is

my dream

Bravo! Bravo!

Huh?

Oh, you guys are so

lucky to have work.

If only I had a

role I could really

sink my teeth into.

Eva, you're in luck.

In four days, there's

an audition for the lead

in the biggest

play to hit

Malaria since...

The Desperete Hunchbeck

Who Grasped at Straws?

Seriously, Eva,

this could be

your big break!

Oh, my gosh!

I don't believe

it! What play is it?

Play? What

play is It?

Is it Annie?

Annie?

So many terrific girls

got their start

playing Annie.

Yes, that's it!

It's Annie!

So it's actually

a musical?

(VOCALIZING)

I think I just

wet myself.

Someone can sing!

Gosh! Me trying

out for Annie,

the plucky orphan whose

song of hope lifts the

heart of a weary nation?

Yeah. Except

in this version,

Annie goes nuts

and battles a bunch

of Evil Inventions

in deadly

hand-to- hand combat.

Wow. How avant- garde.

Yeah. Trust me

You were born to be

in this production.

(SINGING) The sun'll

come out tomorrow

Bet your...

No, you missed it,

again.

Excuse me, Igor,

but I think you re

supposed to say "cut"

That's for film

Film?

Can you imagine

a face like that

on a 40- foot screen?

All right, all right.

Now, listen, Eva...

Excuse me, Igor,

I'm a little

distracted.

What?

I think the

makeup glrl

is out to get me.

No, that's Brain. And

he's not the makeup

girl, he's the idiot.

Now try to remember

on the word "tomorrow,"

you re supposed

to crush the Evil

Invent on to your left!

You mean "stage left."

Yeah, whatever. You're

supposed to smash it

to smithereens

I know, it's just...

It looks kind of real, and

It's hard because I would

never hurt anything rea!

The props at

the audition

are gonna look

even more real,

Eva.

Some may even scream

when you smash them

Oh, really?

Yes. And they're also

going to fight back.

But it's all for

reallty's sake.

But ifyou don't

want to be a real

actress...

Oh, no, no.

I do, I do

This is a block

for me but I will

get through it.

Once more,

from the top,

with feeling.

I just have a teeny,

teeny, tiny suggestion.

Now, I know I m not

the director but at

the end of the number,

I would love to try

something like this...

(SINGING)

You're only a day

Away

(VOCALIZING)

(PANTING)

Works for me.

IGOR:
Dr. Igor.

Dr. Igor von Igorstein.

No, no, no. The Evil Revered

Igor von Igorstein III.

I can't believe it.

I mlght actually be

able to pull thls off.

(DOOR OPENS)

Good work today, Eva.

You took some really

(CLEARS THROAT)

Big steps.

(WHISPERS)

Thank you, Igor.

I'm whlspering to

protect my voice.

I really couldn't

have done it

without you.

Isn't it beautiful?

King Malbert has

turned this country

into a paradise

His tower shines out

for all the world to

see as a beacon of evil.

And that's a

good thing?

We were a nothing

country until King

Malbert taught us

that the way

to succeed is

by doing evil.

Phew!

This is a tough town.

Well, in this word,

nice guys finish last.

So, I have to step on

people to get ahead?

Uh...

Yeah.

Well, I'd rather be

a good nobody than

an evil somebody

And so would you

Because you're

good, Igor.

Eva, don't say that.

It's true.

You are good.

Seriously, stop

saying that!

But you are!

You've helped me

with my audittion.

You've made me

this delicious tea

You're a very

good friend.

Evil Scientists

don't have friends

Well, what are

Brain and Scamper?

Headaches.

Oh!

Is that al I am?

No.

Okay. Then you can be

my number two friend.

Number two friend.

Well, who's your

number one friend?

See? You're jealous.

You do wanna

be my friend.

I guess I'm

just a pushover.

Hi, welcome to

Cristall Clear.

I'm Carl Cristall.

Tonight, we have a very

special guest, someone

we all love and respect.

It's Honkers the

Gassy Monkey. But

first, King Malbert.

You're not wearing

any, you know pants.

Hmm?

Oh, no, I'm not.

I figure, why does

an invisible man

need to wear pants?

It's very liberating,

Your Highness.

Sire, the clouds,

were they

a blessing

or a curse?

Well, of course, I

wou d never wish the

clouds on my people

But we rallied together

for the common good

by embracing evil,

and look at us now!

Respected, successful

What are you doing?

Scratching

my invisible...

But getting

back to my next

question, sire.

The Evil Science Fair

is two days away.

Any predictions?

Can anyone beat

Dr. Schadenfreude?

Well, I hate

to predict.

(CHUCKLES)

I mean, al the Evil

Scientists are twisted

fiends in their own right.

That said there

may be a genius

this year

with an Evil Invention

so revolutionary

that Schadenfreude

might finally get

knocked off his perch!

The only one getting

knocked off his

perch is you!

Damn it, I need

that monster!

I wi I not be beaten

by a hunchbacked

pot- bellied,

bulgy-eyed runt.

I think he's

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes