Imagine Me & You Page #2

with so many people I love...

and a few people I've never met before.

But I'm sure you're all great, too.

I feel like I've known Heck all my life.

And I know I'll know him for the rest of it.

He's my best friend.

They say fairytales have happy endings,

even though the passage can be rough.

But Heck and I were mates

and then lovers.

And it's been smooth all the way.

Maybe that's a better kind of fairytale.

- Hear, hear.

- Hear, hear!

Sort of, toast-schmoast won't do all that.

But if you could all just wish us luck,

Heck and I would appreciate it very much.

All ready?

One, two, three.

Good luck!

- Hello.

- Hi.

You gotta help me. I need a flower.

Just one. A good one. The best.

- Okay.

- This is my last chance.

- My last-chance flower.

- Your last chance?

I really twatted up.

Only the right flower can save me.

What about a rose?

- A red rose, what would that say?

- Love.

- Love's nice, that works.

- And fidelity.

- Not a red rose, then.

- No.

Not a rose at all. It's too obvious.

If this really is your last chance, we need

to find you something spectacular.

- Be right with you.

- That's fine.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- How you doing?

- Good.

Great. I just...

See what's out here.

- Came by to say thanks.

- It was a total pleasure.

- Listen, sorry, I'm just dealing with...

- Oh, God, of course. Go right ahead.

What's your favorite flower?

I don't know. I think I like lilies.

They're wrong.

- How about this? Bird of paradise.

- Keep talking.

Real name's Strelitzia,

named after Charlotte of Strelitz.

She married King George III, had 15 kids.

They never spent more than an hour apart.

- Okay, stop talking.

- He actually...

- Do you want to come to dinner?

- Sorry?

Dinner with us, Heck and me.

- I mean, you don't...

- I'd love to.

- Really? This Friday?

- Yeah, Friday. Why not?

Great, I'll just write down the...

Perfect.

This is the one. My last-chance flower.

- Wish me luck.

- Good luck.

Next item, lot 48,

the 1930s American oak mantle clock.

Here at 48. At 48.

50. Thank you. Lady bid 50.

Lady bid 50.

Okay, baby, now you got to glare,

give out the red eye.

I'd do it, it's just that you're

a lot more frightening.

No, I'm not.

- Who am I glaring at?

- Anyone who wants that sofa.

- They can't have it, it's mine.

- Ours.

- Ours?

- If it's under the limit, 200.

- I don't see how we need a limit.

- I like limits, otherwise, you'll go mad.

Damn right I will. That thing is mine.

Ours.

Do you think

they'll have a limit?

75. 75...

I invited someone to dinner, Friday.

That florist, Luce.

- Lucy, whatever.

- Oh, great, I'll cook.

Please don't.

- Moving right along. Lot 49.

- Okay, baby, this is us.

The very attractive leather sofa, there.

Brown leather chesterfield,

brass stud decoration...

in slightly distressed condition at 90.

I asked because... And this is my plan.

- Oh, no.

- I thought we'd get Coop along.

Great idea. Excellent. But what would be

better is if we didn't do that.

90. Do I hear 90?

Not from us. Come in late.

Psych them on the way out.

I think they'd be perfect for each other.

Don't you think they'd be perfect?

100, 100. 110, thank you.

Red eye, baby. Still the red eye. Who?

Luce and Coop. I think they'd be perfect.

120. 130, thank you.

He did say that he was onto a

promise at the wedding before she bailed.

There you go. It's totally on.

- 150 at the back.

- Okay.

It's funny.

I went round to say thank you

for what she did at our wedding.

Not yet.

You know when you've just met someone

but straight away...

you feel as if they're going

to be your friend?

- 170, 180.

- Nearly there.

Who knows why? Past life, physiognomy.

190.

But for some reason, you just kind of click.

Here we go.

210? 210.

- 210.

- Bollocks.

I don't know what I'm saying.

But do you know what I mean?

Are we there at 210, all done at 210?

Baby, we lost it. The sofa.

- What?

- Over our limit.

400!

400?

- What are you doing?

- I live here. What are you doing?

Came to tidy.

You should be dressed, Mum.

Well, I was.

I'm just settling in for the evening.

It's 5:
00.

You said you were going out later.

No, you said I was going out later.

- Have you finished work already?

- I'm busy tonight.

What, a date?

Does my daughter have a date?

No. But you could have.

"Tea dances, reading groups,

bridge clubs."

Tragic attempts

by lonely old coffin dodgers...

to meet someone before they give up

and peg out.

Everybody looking for love.

Well, they won't find it,

and they certainly won't get sex.

All those men are so old,

it'd be like playing snooker with a rope.

You know, those people are sad.

- You're sad.

- No.

I'm depressed. There's a difference.

I wish you'd get a life.

I wish you would.

Yes, I know you do.

Toby, I'm telling you, that's the number.

You've gotta believe me.

Oh, come on, Toby, don't be like that.

We're friends. Aren't we friends?

Well, I like you. Look,

would you believe it if Heck told you?

You would? Thank you very much.

Hey, Toby.

Yeah, I know.

Weird, but believe him, okay?

Okay. Speak to you soon.

All good.

- You see, the truth never fails.

- Yeah, except we were lying.

Hmm.

Sorry I'm late, beautiful person.

- You look spectacular.

- How was work?

Shite. Quitting.

You always say that.

Just watch me. One day, I'll do it.

Tell them I don't like them or their cash.

Although I do like their cash.

Whatever. I'll think of something

and then walk out.

I'll be waiting with champagne.

How much do I wish it was just us tonight.

He'll definitely be into her, right?

- Coop? He'll fancy Luce?

- She's got a pulse, hasn't she?

No, but, I mean... You do. You would?

Well, she's not really my bag of chips,

darling, but, yeah, I suppose.

- Oh, what do you think?

- Of her? I haven't really...

Oh, no, no. The shirt?

Oh, uh...

- It's gorgeous. You're gorgeous.

- Yeah?

Want to fool around?

Saved by the bell.

But you're in a lot of trouble later.

Hey.

Hey.

- Come in. You look fab.

- Thank you.

- Guess what I brought?

- Oh, bless you. Rachel'll flip.

- Sweetheart.

- Here I am.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- So, come check out our new sofa.

- Our expensive new sofa.

- You can't put a price on comfort.

- You see, a woman after my own heart.

Listen, do you believe in reincarnation?

It's just that Rach thought

you guys had met before.

- That's not quite what I...

- I'd have remembered, I think.

Well, let's hang these flowers

and get that jacket in some water.

- I'll do it.

- Ta.

- Thanks.

- Thank you, darling.

Well, so, basically,

the book I've wanted to write is...

a guide to wherever is the coolest place

on the planet at the time.

If it's February, it's the Rio Carnival.

And if it's, I don't know, May,

it's bulls in Pamplona.

So, if you...

want a holiday /party, then,

you know, you open the book...

and there's me telling you where to go.

'Cause you've been there.

Yeah, that was the plan, but, you know...

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