Immigration Tango Page #6

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This is for Carlos.

Woo hoo hoo hoo!

I guess Mike is

going first to open.

Yes. You spent so much time

laying around the apartment,

that I thought you'd be

more comfortable in a robe.

It's nice.

[Laughs]

Thank you, honey.

This is really

thoughtful.

Matches your eyes.

Uh, you're next.

For once,

Carlos goes first.

[Laughs]

It's a tie.

[Laughs] It's a...

Just what

you always wanted.

No, it's a...

No, I really like it.

I just... I just got

to buy a suit now.

I thought it's time

to embrace change.

Gracias, mi amor.

You're next.

It's a gift certificate,

but I thought...

I thought that you...

You're always

so disappointed

with the stuff

that you get. This time,

you can buy yourself

something,

and that way, you

wouldn't be disappointed

like you normally are.

I don't know what...

I don't know what to say.

CARLOS:
Elena,

this is for you.

Wow, Carlos.

These are beautiful.

Betty, look.

Those are amazing.

Wow, look.

Ha ha ha.

Actually, I have

something too.

Um, could you...

Sorry.

I thought my wife

would want

something from, uh,

her husband, so...

This is for me?

Yes.

Wow.

Uh, the first charm

is for good fortune

in America.

The second charm

is for, uh,

finding a job you adore,

and the third charm,

the heart,

is for luck in love.

Mike, this is so thoughtful.

You're welcome.

I just... I...

It's very nice.

Why the hell does she

need love, man?

She has me.

Um, anyway, uh...

wine all around,

yes?

Yes.

Yes?

Okay.

Betty.

Okay, so you were

born in Moscow.

Your birthday

is September 26.

Uh, you don't like

to drink ice water,

because it makes

your teeth cold.

You, uh... You count from 1 to 120

when you brush your teeth.

When you're nervous,

you tuck a piece of hair

behind your ear even though

it isn't out of place.

I don't do that.

Yeah, you do. It's only when

you're nervous. It's cute.

Um, your favorite color

is green.

Uh, you talk in your sleep

in Russian,

so I don't understand

what you're saying.

How does it sound?

I don't know. Uh...

happy, I guess.

Should I go on?

They're not gonna

ask all that anyway.

We have our names

on the boat lease,

joint credit cards

and a checking account,

the photos

at our wedding

and your parents' house.

All they care about

is documentation.

Should I tell them how you like

to swim naked at sunrise?

That's our secret.

Who are these other people?

Uh, my best friend

and his fianc? E.

How were the ribs?

We didn't have any.

Um, we wanted to get

going with the honeymoon,

if you know

what I'm saying.

[Chuckles]

What's Elena's

favorite soda?

Sorry?

Her favorite soda?

Come on.

This should be easy.

You've been man and wife

for how long?

Uh, it'll be

two months Friday.

So what's the answer?

This is your wife.

She... She doesn't

have any.

She only drinks,

uh, wine

or water without ice.

Heh.

Correct.

Well, you'll receive

your immigration papers

in four weeks.

Oh, my God!

JOEY HOLLAND:

# Another day goes by #

# Another in your eye... #

Are you saying you don't

want to have children?

No. Of course that's not

what I'm saying.

I just, you know...

[Scoffs]

Because I want

a family,

and it's not something

you can plan.

It might just happen.

You're not pregnant,

are you?

Oh, my God.

CARLOS:
No.

Would that be so terrible?

Yes.

No, it'd be great.

She just started

her life here.

Mothers have careers

all the time,

millions of 'em.

Not when a baby is sucking

all the life and money

out of you.

Oh, my God, that's cold.

Guys, I'm not pregnant.

Oh, my God.

Gracias.

Oh, I... I almost

sh*t on myself, man.

[Laughs] Me, too.

Carlos, it would kill you

to be a father, mi amor?

No. I mean, you know,

I can barely take care

of myself now, you know.

Yeah, that's right.

I think I'm gonna have

a baby when I'm 33.

It's not too old,

and it's not too young.

I'm not sure it's

something you can

put on a spreadsheet

and tack to

your refrigerator,

darlin'.

Sure I can.

I'm sorry.

Far be it from me

to doubt your ability

to control everything.

Wow. I thought

you were already 33.

That's not very nice.

BETTY:
That, ladies

and gentlemen of the jury,

is what happened.

What'd you think

of my closing argument?

It was okay.

But you say it

like it was just...

you know, just fine.

[Sighs]

That's right.

That's exactly what I said.

How long do I have to wait?

Oh. Oh, um, innocent.

Let him go.

No, I'm the prosecution,

Carlos.

I mean, guilty.

Lock the son of a b*tch up.

[Groans]

Aw. Look, I'm sorry.

You have to be

more convincing, you know.

Put more passion,

more fire into it.

Make me believe you.

700 ADL rifle for 15 years.

He knows this rifle

very well,

as he uses it every weekend

during hunting season.

Betty,

you were fantastic!

You were great, brilliant,

so convincing!

Oh, you're so sweet.

Thank you.

Guilty!

Ohh.

Now we can catch up.

What?

You know.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Um, we've actually

got to get going.

Elena has a meeting with

an employer in the morning.

Te veo, Orita.

Gracias, mi amor.

Buena suerte.

So what's up, Betty Boo?

Want to go dancing?

Trip the light

fantastic?

Yah.

# Do you like the way

I move... #

Oh, this was

a good idea...

[Horn honks]

Hearing those.

Whoo! Getting attention.

Whoo. I love attention.

Is Mike really working

on his thesis tonight?

It's not a thesis, Betty.

It's a dissertation,

and that's what he said

he wanted to do.

And you believed him?

Shouldn't I?

Elena, he has been working

on that thesis for years.

He doesn't want

to finish it.

Why not?

Because then he'll have

to get a real job

and enter

the real world.

And he doesn't

want a real job?

Mike doesn't really

know what he wants.

DEAN BANTLEY:

# Hello, what can I say? #

# My God, you know #

# It's gonna be called,

call it love #

# Everybody wants,

everybody needs... #

ELENA:
This guy has

been staring at you.

I thought that

he was looking at you.

I wanted to ask you

something.

Yeah.

Do you love Mike?

Um, I think so.

You're not sure?

Yes, I do. I do.

I love him.

But you don't seem happy.

Well, four years

is just a long time

to be with

the same person.

Why have you stayed together

if you're not happy?

Because it's safe.

We know

each other's boundaries,

not to cross them.

It's not perfect,

but it works for us.

# Then you want

to come back #

# And you found another?

# Then you're left alone

# A-waiting for another?

# Another now, aoww! #

Hello there, Mrs. White.

Oh, I like

the sound of that.

It's, uh,

easier to pronounce.

Very American.

Have you been

working all night?

Yeah. If I keep having

nights like this,

I'm gonna be done

in a couple of days.

Mike White, PhD.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. I've been, uh...

I don't know. I been feeling

more passionate lately.

Passion's good.

What are you doing?

Dancing got me

all sweaty and hot,

so I'm gonna take a dip.

Care to join me?

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