Immigration Tango Page #5

---

[Scoffs] Of course.

I'm Colombian.

Then you can play golf, son.

Nice.

[Laughs]

Hey, you're early.

Look at you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hola.

Hola.

Your mother will explain.

Let's go, men.

Hey. Yeah. Hi.

You're early.

Hey.

Ah, look who's here.

Hi, sweetie.

Here. Give me that.

Okay.

So where's the wife?

All right, hombre.

Left arm straight,

straight.

Okay, so hand like

this, finger here,

like... like you're

holding a gun.

Oh, that's easy. Yeah.

And, uh,

up and back.

Jesus Christ.

Make it...

Make it two boxes.

All right.

Okay, I'm ready.

Hey, batter, batter,

batter, batter!

Batter! Heh.

Sorry, sir.

Oh, not bad, son.

Not bad at all.

Okay, Carlos,

head down, eye on the ball.

Hey, I didn't mean

to barge in

on the hot and heavy

with Elena, Mike.

You know, I never really

mentioned it before,

but, uh, I don't

really care for Betty.

No offense, Carlos.

Eye on the ball.

I mean, she's just

kind of stuck-up

for my taste.

She's not stuck-up.

She's a little

stuck-up, Mike.

Oh, but this

Russian chick,

she is hot as hell.

I walked in on 'em.

Another couple

of minutes,

it would have been

high heels to the sky.

I never touched her.

Nothing happened, man,

only in his perverted mind.

No need to defend

yourself, pal.

You're married.

Don't listen to him.

If you touch her, Mike,

I will kill you.

It's our way.

Whoa!

You're a natural,

amigo.

Hey, I don't

know how you

play the game

where you come from,

but here

in this country,

we pick up the club,

we walk to the ball.

We do not throw

the club.

[Overlapping conversations]

All right, everybody,

dessert plates to the sink.

I'll do it, Mom.

Oh, good man. This will

give you practice

for your

food service career

when you finally

get your degree.

What's that supposed

to mean?

Oh, I don't know.

What was your, uh...

your college major?

L-I'm getting a PhD.

HAROLD:
A PhD.

I'm studying English literature,

specifically the sonnet.

The sonnet.

Yes.

What are you gonna do

with these sonnets?

You gonna stand on

a corner and sell them?

What Mike is studying is the

sonnets as a literature genre.

It goes back

to the 14th century,

Italian poet Petrarch,

and not until the 16th century...

Sweetheart, that is

all very fascinating,

but it seems to me

if you're gonna put

all that time

and all that money

into a degree, you ought

to get something

that's gonna put food

on the table.

JILL:
Enough, Harold.

We have been through this

a thousand times.

Yeah, I know. I'm just

yanking his chain.

The study of poetry is a very

valuable task, Mr. White.

Part of the original text of

the Bible was written as poetry,

so it has many purposes besides

bringing beauty to the world.

Hmm.

I assure you,

we'll be just fine.

You do what you love.

You also have to work hard

at what you love.

I just don't

understand, Betty.

You and Mike, you were

made for each other.

Obviously,

we weren't, Mom.

Otherwise, I wouldn't

be married to Elena.

What are you gonna

serve your children

on Thanksgiving, Elena?

Borscht? Vodka?

Jesus, Mom!

If it's not one of you,

it's the other.

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving

in Russia, Mrs. White.

Well, of course not.

What do you have

to be thankful for?

Chernobyl?

Losing the space race?

I mean, you sent a monkey.

Shh, shh, shh.

What do you and my son

have in common?

We are very much

in love.

She hates me.

No, she hates me for

blowing it with her son.

Okay, let's calm down.

She's your mother,

and you hurt her.

Poor Elena has to put up

with this for two years.

We'll make it

through this.

If we can make it through

this horrible night,

we can make it

through anything.

Oh, did I

interrupt something?

No. Actually,

Carlos and I

were going to bed.

Good night.

Keep it down tonight, son.

Oh, and, uh, try not to break

the bedsprings, you lucky dog.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Good night, Dad.

I thought you were

sleeping with Sarah.

No. Your mother

insisted as a couple

we stay together.

We are engaged.

That's right.

CARLOS:
Putting it

in the back. Oh, hold on.

Ah, almost.

Oh, I got my hand on there.

[Groaning] I... I... I got...

Oh, it's so tight.

[Groans]

Oh, God. Ahh.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to watch

thef? Tbolgame

once I get

this cable connected.

It's after midnight.

Football isn't on.

I'm talking about

realf? Tbol, okay?

Colombia versus Argentina.

[Laughs] Oh.

What's the matter? You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just...

I... I needed to get

some air. Oh.

Yeah.

Remind me never

to do this again.

You mean to tell me

we're not coming

for Christmas?

[Laughs]

Hey, listen. I'm really

worried about Elena, man.

Seriously, I mean,

this is really hard on her.

I mean, we have

your mother against us,

the United States

government.

It's very difficult,

and I'm sure it's hard

on you too.

I'm okay.

Right.

Look, I wanted

to talk to you

about something, man.

Yeah?

I just wanted

to say thank you,

and words can't express

how I feel about you

and what you've done.

No problem. [Laughs]

What'd you think

I was gonna say?

I thought, eh...

I thought you thought that

Elena and I were going at it.

[Laughs]

I know what your dad

said and everything,

but I know for sure,

for sure that Elena

doesn't find you the

least bit attractive.

I mean, you're

a good-looking guy

and everything, but...

In the dark.

Hi.

You read my dissertation.

Are you mad?

Uh, no.

Uh, just the opposite.

The sonnets are

very beautiful, Mike.

Even if your parents

don't understand,

you shouldn't be ashamed

of what you love.

BETTY:
What a nightmare.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Thank you.

Keep it up, son.

[Laughs]

Bye.

Bye.

Something very strange

is going on here.

It's called love,

Mother. It happens.

If he's so in love with her,

then why isn't he riding in

the back seat with his wife?

Ah, who gives a sh*t?

Let it go, Mom.

Just be happy

he's happy.

Have you worked

on a boat before?

Nope. Unh!

I've never taken a shower

without water before either.

[Laughs]

"The day,

the month, the year,

"oh, bless them all.

"The season

and the time,

"the hour and

the moment,

"the gorgeous

countryside,

"the very spot

where two eyes

struck me first

and bound me fast."

"And bless the first

sweet palpitation

"that swept over me

as I grew one with love.

"And bless the bow that

shot arrows that pierced

"and wounds so deep they

went down to my heart.

"And bless the flock of

words I've scattered round

as I pronounced

my lady's name again..."

"the sighs and all the

tears and the desire.

"And bless

the pages too,

"pages where I have

gained some fame for her

"with all my thoughts

"which are of her alone,

excluding others."

[Jingle Bells

Instrumental playing]

[Snapping and laughter]

Okay, give me

the present.

Um, that's for you,

Betty. The blue one...

The blue one

there's for me.

Can you please

give me that?

S? Senor.

I've already

checked it out.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes