Immigration Tango Page #4

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It's just... Heh heh.

[Both laughing]

No, really,

where did you sleep?

I was gonna sleep up there,

but she wouldn't let me.

Oh, that's nice of her.

So then where?

I slept down here

on top of the...

on top of the floor.

You mean on the floor?

On the floor, yeah.

[Both chuckle]

Yeah. Well,

I got to go to work.

Can you tell Elena

I came by to say hello?

Okay. Ple...

Tell Betty hi too, please.

Cool. Uh...

did she go swimming

this morning?

Who? Di...

Elena.

Sorry. Uh, I don't know.

I was... I was sleeping, so...

Tell her not to, okay?

Don't... Are you afraid

she might drown?

[Both laugh]

Just tell her not to.

Carlos says no swimming.

Thank you.

Okay. Nada.

Give me a hug.

Okay.

BETTY:
Oh, my God!

Ohh!

What?

[Gasps]

Oh, sh*t!

[Cell phone

ringtone playing]

Hi, baby. Miss me?

You've got a problem.

We promised my parents

we'd be there for Thanksgiving,

so we'll never hear the end

of it if we bail on them.

Just take Elena

with you.

As my wife?

She is your wife for

the next 23 months.

All right, if I'm going,

you're going with me.

Okay, fine. I'll go.

Don't have to be

such a baby about it.

As Carlos' fianc? E.

I like that idea.

Guys, this sounds

very complicated.

My mom's gonna be so pissed.

She loves Betty.

He's so uptight.

How do you live

with this guy?

Mama's boy.

MIKE:
I told you

we should have

taken the highway

and not surface streets.

Everybody and their mother's

leaving town.

CARLOS:
Stop being

so uptight, Mike.

I'm just saying.

BETTY:
We heard you

the first time, Mike.

[Car horn honks]

Now, remember,

we can't blow this.

We convince them,

we can convince

the INS agent from hell.

I know. We've only been

over it a hundred times.

MAN:
Jill!

Jill, they're here!

[Man laughs]

Mom,

happy Thanksgiving!

Welcome home, sweetie!

This must be

the lucky bride.

Oh, happy Thanksgiving.

ELENA:

Hello, Mr. White.

Whoa, I got that, Dad.

Well, I can see why you made

such a rash decision, son.

You are a looker.

Hi, Harold.

Hey, Betty. No disrespect.

Who's this?

Carlos, sir.

Mexican?

A little further

south, Colombia.

Oh, yeah,

where the drugs come from.

Are you, uh,

muling any cocaine, pal?

Uh...

I'm just pulling your leg,

hombre.

[Laughs]

Betty, so good to have

you here again, dear.

Hi, Jill. How are you?

Hello, Mrs. White.

Oh, and you.

You must really

be something

to steal my son's heart

so quickly.

You know,

we didn't even have time

to put an announcement

in the paper.

You didn't knock her up,

did you, son?

Jesus, Dad.

I'm not pregnant,

Mr. White.

No, no, no, no, no.

Not Mr. White. Call me Harold.

Mr. White makes me

sound like an old guy.

And you.

Carlos.

Yes, you stole Betty

from my son.

Ohh.

I just caught her

on the rebound.

I'm her Latin

love machine.

[No audio]

Uh, where's my sibling?

She called,

said she'd be here

in time for dinner.

Mi amor.

I'm gonna get the bags.

I'll help you.

You kids today.

You're just so open

with your relationships.

Jill. [Laughs]

I got it.

No, I got it.

It's okay. I'm good.

I got it, man.

It's okay. I got it.

I know you got it,

but I got it.

I'm gonna take it.

She's my wife.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

I can handle my own bags,

but thanks for

not even offering.

Mexican drug dealer?

HAROLD:
Here it is.

Come on in. [Laughs]

Come on in.

What do you think, huh?

Down there?

Thank you for

carrying my bag.

Of course.

So sweet.

The house

looks the same.

Wow.

This is very white.

[Laughs]

[All laugh]

White house.

Yes, it is. Very white.

Why did you dump Betty?

I...

She must be heartbroken.

Does she look

heartbroken?

I'm just saying, honey,

it was all so sudden,

and Betty's such

a nice young lady,

and Carlos is so, so...

Latin?

Yes, exactly.

Look, Mom, uh, just

because Betty's nice

doesn't mean

that I should spend

the rest of my life

with her.

But a Russian?

I mean, they used

to be our enemy.

I... Mom, Elena's smart,

and she speaks her mind,

and she doesn't schedule

every waking moment.

What's wrong with scheduling?

I mean, if I didn't, our lives

would be absolute chaos.

Okay, Mom.

Unh! It's just all so odd.

All right, everyone,

why don't we all settle in?

Uh, Betty, you and Mike,

you take Mike's old room

just like always.

Wait. Mom.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Uh, I'm just so used

to Betty being here.

Uh, So, Betty, you'll

be in Sarah's room,

and, um, Carlos, you'll

be in the guesthouse,

and Mike and Elena...

Are married.

Right.

You have any Pepto-Bismol?

Yes.

I'm surprised

by how casual you are.

I mean, four years together.

I couldn't be

so cool about it.

Well, we just decided

that there is

no reason why

we can't stay friends.

Oh, I suppose

that Latin love machine

takes some of the sting

out of it. [Laughs]

[Betty laughs]

Betty, you can

be honest with me.

Is she using him?

For what?

To stay in this country.

I'm guessing

she isn't a citizen.

Uh, they just fell in love,

Jill, really.

Well, what do

you know about her?

Did she just appear

out of thin air?

He has never

mentioned her, not once,

and I only learned about it

because I got a letter.

Actually, she's my, um...

She's my best friend.

She's your best friend,

and you're fine

that she's with

your old boyfriend?

Yeah, well... [Laughs]

I know that this...

It seems awkward,

but they're just

really happy together,

and I know that Mike wants you

to be happy for them as well.

Well, I'll try.

Oh, it's just so good

to have you here, dear.

Mmm.

Just all very strange.

[Slow exhalation]

This is going

pretty well, huh?

What?

I just feel bad

for Betty.

Why?

[Sighs]

Well, your parents

obviously love her.

She should be the one

sleeping here, not me.

I feel like a fake in

front of your parents.

Look, it's... it's just

gonna be one night.

Whoa.

Dad.

I am so sorry, kids.

I forgot.

You have to knock

with newlyweds

in the house.

Dad, it's okay.

We were just...

Talking.

Talking.

Yeah, I can see it

on your face.

You can't fool me,

sweetheart.

Yeah, you've got that look.

[Laughs] Talking?

You're a lucky guy, son.

Well, come on.

Pull yourself away

from this beautiful

Russian bride of yours.

We'll hit some balls

before dinner.

Hey, where's Carlos?

Does he play?

Hey, Carlos! Carlos!

What does he mean,

hit balls?

[Knock on door]

Betty, this is crazy.

Mike's mother

doesn't believe in us,

and his father

is just a little nuts!

He grows on you,

kind of like Mike.

I don't want anyone

to grow on me.

Elena, the INS is

already suspicious.

They've contacted

his parents.

This is our insurance.

I know. It's a mess.

We just have to get through it

the best way we can.

We'll be right back, hon.

Dinner will be

ready at 5:
00.

Yeah, I know. I know.

We're just gonna play

the front nine, okay?

Well, does Carlos

play golf?

Well, I didn't

think I did.

Do you drinkcerveza?

I do that

very well, sir.

Do you smoke cigars?

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