In Society Page #3

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"To the Atlas Plumbing Company.

"Sirs, your behavior last night

was an outrageous exhibition.

"If you dare send us a bill, we will sue you

for the damages you inflicted upon our home.

"Should we ever have plumbing trouble

again and you appear upon our premises,

we shall have you assaulted

physically by our servants. "

I'd still punch 'em in the

nose. A letter, Mrs. Van Cleve.

Thank you, Parker.

Oh, Henry, listen to this.

"Dear friends, I would be

delighted to have you...

"as my guests at Briarwood

during the coming weekend.

I'm looking forward to seeing you again.

Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop. "

I'd still punch 'em

in the nose.

Makes me furious when I think of

what they did to our costume party.

Especially that little fat scoundrel.

This letter should be written

in blood. Their blood.!

Parker, get this off to

those plumbers immediately.

Very well.

Hey, Eddie!

What?

Oh, stop it.

What are you doing?

Take it easy! Take it easy!

You all right?

What is this?

That's an invite.

"Dear friends, I would be delighted

to have you as my guests...

"at Briarwood

during the coming weekend.

"I am looking forward

to seeing you again.

Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop.

" Hey, this is our big chance.

Do you know those big estates up there

have four and five bathrooms each?

Four and five bathrooms?

In one house? Certainly!

Eddie, that's a lot of plumbing.

That's what I'm thinking of.

If we go up there and act as though we belong

in society, we can get all that business.

We'd make a fortune.

You sure we'd make a fortune?

Certainly!

Then I can marry Elsie Hammerdingle. Oh!

Oh yes, Eddie!

We made an agreement.

Ever since the day I made her a

ring outta the gum wrapper and I...

put it on her thumb.

Can you imagine me,

Mr. Elsie Hammerdingle,

the society plumber?

We're really goin' places!

Hello, boys. Goin' somewhere? Yeah, we

got an invitation to go to Mrs. Winthrop's.

But it's only for two,

him and I.

How's the plumbing business? We

manage to keep our head above water.

That's fine. I dropped in to see you

about that little loan I gave you.

Let me see. It's $1,000, isn't it? Yes.

You just loaned it to us. You'll have

to give us a little time to pay it back.

Oh, that's all right. I'm in no hurry. I

know it takes time to get a business going.

Meanwhile, I'd like you to do

me a little favor. Why, sure.

You boys don't wanna be

plumbers all your lives.

Oh, no. We hope someday

to be electricians.

Your business takes you

into some pretty rich homes.

There's a lot of valuable properties

there worth a lot of money.

Wait a minute. You wouldn't

commit a crime, would you? Sure.!

No thanks, Mr. Drexel. We'll just

keep on being plain, everyday plumbers.

I never told you fellows this,

but I'm quite a fortune-teller.

I can see into the future.

I see two plumbers.

They're doing pretty good.

More competition.

Shh.

But they're double-crossing a friend

of theirs who gave them their start.

That's what I call beyond grateful.

I have no use for those kind of people.

This friend of theirs

is getting mad.

Now, he wants them to cooperate with

him, or pay back the money he gave them.

He's giving them

till 6:
00 tonight to get it.

Suppose they can't get it

by 6:
00 tonight?

Then I see two plumbers

floating down the river,

and one of them's

a little fat guy.

What's the matter?

The joke is on him.

Why?

I can't swim.

Wait a minute. There's only

two things left to do.

Number one:
we've gotta

get $1,000 by 6:
00.

Number two:
if we don't,

we've gotta get out of town.

We're in serious trouble.

No, we're not. Wait a minute.

It's a lucky thing Mrs. Winthrop

invited us to that weekend affair.

Drexel will never expect

to find us there. Come on.

Hey, Eddie. Wait a minute, Eddie. What?

We just can't walk out on the shop like

this. Let's give it a thought for a second.

That's long enough.

Come on. Let's go!

Hello, Dan. Oh, hello, Eddie. How are you?

Swell.

Where you bound for?

We're gonna spend the weekend

up at Briarwood. Briarwood?

Say, you can do me a favor.

Sure, Dan.

You've gotta pass Bagel Street,

see? Where's Bagel Street?

All you have to do is ask

anybody. It's on our way?

It's on your way. I want you to deliver

these hats to the Susquehanna Hat Company.

They sent me straws instead of

derbies. That's simple enough.

Hey, Eddie.!

It's about time you got here.

Why didn't ya wait for me? We're goin'

up to Briarwood to spend the weekend.

And this guy... Does he

go without me? Put your...

Okay, Dan. We'll take care

of it. Thank you ever so much.

How have you been? Good. Keep an

eye on the shop while we're gone.

I'll be glad to.

Hold those hats.

What are you doing with hats? You've gotta

deliver these to the Susquehanna Hat Shop.

It's on Bagel Street.

Where's Bagel Street?

I don't know. We'll ask. It's on our

way there. How much you say they are?

$7.50 a piece. How do I look with

a seven-and-a-half-dollar hat on?

Let me see. Kind of spiffy.

Okay?

Carry those. But don't

get it dirty. Let's go.

Bagel Street, eh? We'll

ask somebody. Bagel Street.

Ask this fellow

where Bagel Street is.

Can you tell me where Bagel Street

is? Sorry, haven't got a dime.

Who's asking for money?

I'm only asking where Bagel Street is.

Do I know where Bagel Street is? Of course

I know! What do I look like, a dummy?

Is there a tag on my lapel saying

"I just came from Ellis Island?"

Of course I know where Bagel Street is.

I was born and raised on Bagel Street.

My brother was born on Bagel

Street. Do you know my brother?

I'm askin' you... Why should you

go around talkin'about my brother?

My brother was one of the finest

boys that ever walked in shoe leather.

My brother was an honor student.

Say something nasty about my brother.

Say something like,

he shouldn't get a parole.

I'm asking you where Bagel Street is, a common

ordinary citizen asking where Bagel Street is.

I gotta deliver these hats to the Susquehanna

Hat Company. Susquehanna Hat Company!

Leave go of me!

Is that a Susquehanna hat?

Yeah!

You know who makes these?

Child labor! I don't know...

Little girls, 13, 14 years old

with curls down to here!

They work 13, 14 hours

a day in a sweatshop!

Here's what I think of a Susquehanna

hat, and look at that band!

Imitation leather, just

like paper! And look at that!

Seven-and-a-half dollars! Ow! So you put

a wire in there for me to cut my finger!

That's the worst thing

I ever saw!

Boy, the Susquehanna Hat Company!

That's what I think of them!

You know what that's gonna cost

you, don't you? Give 'em back to Dan.

$7.50!

You broke one of Dan's hats!

All I did was put a hat on my head.

Did I ask the guy to take it off?

That's enough. It's the way you

ask him. You ask the next guy.

Come on. Never mind.

Let's find Bagel Street.

Here, ask this lady

where Bagel Street is.

Excuse me, lady. Could you tell me

where Bagel Street is? Bagel Street!

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