In the Army Now Page #3

Execute.

Move it!

Help! Help!

Thanks, Drill Sergeant.

You saved my life.

I owe you one.

No, you owe me

fifty!

Fifty!

# Mama, mama

can't you see #

# Drill Sergeant Ladd

made a man outta me #

...and that I will

obey the orders...

of the President

of the United States.

And I will obey the orders

of the President of the United States.

And the orders of the officers

appointed over me.

According

to regulations...

According to regulations...

and the uniform code

of militaryjustice.

and the uniform code

of military justice.

- So help me God.

- So help me God.

- You look great.!

- Nice to meet you. Bye.

Be good. Take care.

Bye.

- Ah, it's the uniforms, man!

- I know.

Pvt. Conway!

Never thought I'd say this,

but I think I've done the impossible:

- I've turned you into soldiers.

- Thank you, Drill Sergeant.

Carry on.

- Uh, is this, uh, unit 341?

- That's us, soldier.

- Bones Conway, here. This is my partnerJack.

- Hi. Christine.

- Nice to meet you. Looks like we'll be working together.

- Good.

Christine,

a la G.I.Jane, right?

- What brings a pretty lady

like you to water purification?

I wanted infantry, but

until they ax that crap...

about women not being

allowed in combat...

- I'll just have to settle for kickin' your little butt.

- Ooh!

That would be nice.

Feisty one, huh?

I like that.

Shut up.

I'm gonna have

to kill your friend.

Hey, Bones Conway.

Fred Ostroff.

Good to meet you.

- You okay, Fred?

- Oh, man, I'm fine. Agh!

- Thanks.

- Thank you.

So, uh, what do you do

when you don't purify water?

Well, I'm goin' into

my final year of dental school.

Wow.

Now that is great.

- No, it's not.

- Why?

Did you know that

dentists are more feared...

and loathed than any other profession?

That's including lawyers.

See, I don't think people

hate dentists.

It's just the sound

of that drill.

And then they stick that sucking thing

in the back of your mouth like this.

And the nurse says,

"I'll be right back. '"

Then theyjam those

cardboard x-ray things.

And then they-

When you have a cavity,

they take that pointy thing and they-

The nurse leaves,

and she goes to lunch.

And she jams it

back there, right?

Meanwhile, there is

a lead apron on the thing...

and you're sitting there like-

Can somebody...

help me?

See? That's what

I'm talkin' about.

If you don't want

to talk about it, it's okay.

No, no. It's good.

We should talk about it...

'cause my therapist said

that I need to get it out.

Kinda like

an emotional enema.

So we talked about it

and said...

"Why not join

the Army Reserve?"

"Be all that you can be"...

on the weekends.

Yeah.

Maybe it'd help me to face those things

in my life that I'm most afraid of.

- What are you afraid of?

- Uh-

Well, I'd have to say,

uh, damn near everything.

- Floss?

- Hey!

Keep it.

Good morning.

Purifying our water is one of the most

vital operations in the military.

It is absolutely vital

that you know your equipment inside...

and out.

Agh! Agh!

Two soldiers must man

the hose at all times.

- This is for your own safety, people.

- Okay!

Never lose control

of your hose.

Turn it off!.

After careful training,

you will be able to produce...

potable water from

the most disgusting, swampy...

- parasite-infected, diseased water.

- Hey, guys!

Look. It's our first glass

of purified water.

All right!

Go for it, man.

Try it.

Nah, I'm not

gonna try.

- Here, you try it.

- I'm not gonna try it.

We should get Christine.

Yeah! She'll taste anything.

I'm not gonna try it.

Let's get Freddy.

- Okay.

- Oh, Freddy.!

No, thanks. I'm allergic.

It'll make me break out.

Well, then,

who's gonna try it?

Who's the leader

of this outfit?

- He is. - He

is. - He is.

Son, I've been doin' this for a long time,

and I gotta say...

this is the best damn glass

of purified water...

I ever had.

Congratulations.!

Keep this up, and I'll be puttin' you in

for private first class.

Thank you, Sergeant.

But I could not have done it without

the inspirational guidance...

of my brother,

the pool man!

Be right back, honey.

Excuse me.

Better go freshen up.

Y- You're not gonna follow me

into the bathroom, Bones.

- No, come on. Bye.

- Oh, baby.

Speak-a French

and Italiano.

#Baby-babe

Let's shift together #

#And Honey-hon

Me and you #

#And do the things

Ooh #

#Do the things #

# That we like to do #

# Ooh

Do a little dance #

#Make a little love #

- # Get down tonight #

- Bones!

- # Get down tonight #

- Whoa-oa-oa!

- Put your clothes back on.

- Come on. He hasn't seen you in eight weeks.

Woof!. Woof!.

Yeah!

- Honey!

- Look what I did for you. The Army did this.

- You look buff.

- I know.

- Did you miss me?

- Of course I did.

Honey, wait, wait.

Hold it here a second.

We're in the middle of a party.

Your friends might come in.

- That'd be cool.

- I think it's very rude if we stay more than a couple minutes.

Two minutes? Perfect.

We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.

Hold that thought.

Somebody better be dead.

Hello.

This is

an official message.

I saw a flock of wild geese

migrating south.

I say again, the geese

are migrating south.

Yeah? Well, my goose

is about to lay a golden egg.

You'll have to cruise

the south solo, okay?

Have a nice flight.

- Who was it?

- Someone who's into birds.

Caw, caw!

Look, you saw the goose.

I'm the walrus and Paul is dead.

I'm tryin' to bury my beak here,

so give it a rest!

All right,

that's it.

Jack!

- Get the phone.

- Who is it?

It's a freak calling about

wild geese migrating.

- Hello.

- Bones!

Wha- No, don't.

Christine, don't. Look.

- Which way?

- Who cares?

- North or south?

- South.

- Yes! Yes, yes!

- What?

You guys,

don't you remember?

About the code?

So that if we got called up for active duty

then we would know it was for real.

- It's gotta be a mistake.

- It's gotta be Chad.

Hello, Mama?

It's Frederick.

Uh, you sittin' down?

Chad is the African country,

the one that Libya's about to invade.

Uh, turn off

the music.

- Ahh! -

Ahh! - Ahh!

Do you remember when you told me that

every Black man should visit the motherland?

Bones, why do you think

I chose water purification?

- Mmm, is your brother a pool man?

- No.

It's because Chad

is in a desert.

And water purification

is the Reserve occupation...

most likely to be called up

if there's a desert war.

And there's a desert war,

and we're going!

- That's it, Bones. I'm gonna kill you.

- You gotta relax here.

I'm gonna get us

outta this one.

Trust me.

At ease.

Sir, I know

we're going to Chad...

but there's something you need to know

aboutJack and I...

- before we go, sir.

- Yes?

Uh, Bones and I

are very close friends.

- Very.

- Oh, I see.

In that case, boys, I guess

you're not going to Chad.

Sorry to disappoint you,

sir.

Uh,just one thing.

Anything.

Kiss 'im.

- 'Scuse me?

- Kiss your friend.

You don't have a problem

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