In the Loop Page #16

SIMON:

Only because the Sun showed a photo of

her with wide eyes and her head on a

cow.

MALCOLM:

I found that a very powerful image.

(a beat)

Look, the Prime Minister of this

country is not a Viking. He doesn’t

drink blood, he doesn’t go round

biting tramps. He doesn’t go to

Chequers at the weekend for a bit of

light raping and a pub lunch.

SIMON:

I know the Prime Minister isn’t a

Viking, Malcolm.

MALCOLM:

Unlike me, the man abhors physical

violence. He’s never, knowingly,

killed a man in a drunken rage outside

a Cardiff nightclub. He’s a grade A

f***ing p*ssy and he knows you have

similar concerns and he wants your

input on this. Yeah?

SIMON:

Good. Because, I have concerns, non-

p*ssy concerns. Where’s the

intelligence? Where’s the hard

evidence?

MALCOLM:

Listen, we have intelligence so deep

and hard it would f***ing puncture

your kidneys. Jamie’s collating it as

we speak. There’s an informant, ‘Ice

Man’, OK? The stuff he’s giving us?

It’ll make your blood run cold. And

clot. Your insides will turn to black

pudding.

(lowering his voice)

...but certain box-lickers are sitting

on it, and weighing it up in

committees and think tanks and wank

bins. But you’re going to see it,

because the PM regards you as a key

player now.

Judy's puts her head in.

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IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

83 CONTINUED:
(3) 83

JUDY:

(to Simon)

Prime Minister wants to speak to you

in ten minutes, Simon.

Malcolm’s heading out.

MALCOLM:

See - you’re A-list now. In the VIP

lounge, with the gold card and the

complimentary drinks and the hard-on.

You’re a f***ing Kennedy.

Malcolm leaves. A beat.

SIMON:

(shouting to Malcolm)

Show me the evidence, Malcolm, that’s

my f***ing bottom line.

Michael on his way past back into his office.

MICHAEL:

Don’t you start as well.

84 INT. TOBY’S FLAT - EVENING 84

Toby lets himself into the flat. Goes through to the

kitchen. Suzy is there with Michael.

TOBY:

What the f*** is he doing here?

SUZY:

What?! What the f*** are you doing

here?

TOBY:

Well I live here.

SUZY:

No you don’t actually.

(to Michael)

I’ll go make that tea.

Suzy and Toby go into the kitchen.

SUZY (CONT'D)

He’s having a hard time. Jamie thinks

he’s got evidence that Michael is

having an affair ...

TOBY:

I always thought he was gay.

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IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

84 CONTINUED:
84

MICHAEL:

(calling through)

I’ll take that as a come on.

TOBY:

Oh that’s very kind of you. But no

thanks.

(to Suzy)

What kind of affair? Who with? You?

Is this some affair-themed date?

SUZY:

That’s none of your business.

Don’t be ridiculous.

TOBY:

So he’s allowed to have an affair is

he? He gets tea. I get thrown out. My

tea by the way.

SUZY:

You are so tight. And nothing actually

happened. He just sent affectionate

emails and you got into her knickers.

TOBY:

Yeah but he’s from a different

generation and if he was from my

generation he would have got into her

knickers and I never sent affectionate

emails.

SUZY:

No you sent obscene texts.

TOBY:

(beat)

I’m taking my brie. And the port. And

my Nando’s peri-peri sauce.

They go back out into the living room.

SUZY:

Don’t forget your hydrocortisone.

TOBY:

You putting this in your memoirs as

well?

MICHAEL:

I should go.

SUZY:

No, it’s fine. Stay.

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IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

85 INT. TOBY'S FLAT - LATER 85

Toby is in the bedroom. A few boxes are lying around.

He’s putting clothes into bin liners. Suzy is hovering.

Michael brings through some teas. The atmosphere is

very frosty and awkward.

TOBY:

Where’s my needlecord jacket?

SUZY:

Your geography teacher’s jacket?

TOBY:

My corduroy jacket.

SUZY:

Did you take it to Washington? Maybe

Liza’s wearing it. Maybe it’s

fashionable there.

Toby thinks better of responding. Starts folding some

shirts. Michael takes over

MICHAEL:

That's not how you fold.

TOBY:

Michael, this is one of the more

humiliating moments of my life. I can

pack a bag.

MICHAEL:

The key to travelling is packing.

TOBY:

I’m not going to f***ing Fiji Michael,

I’m being chucked out of my house.

MICHAEL:

It’ll save time the other end.

TOBY:

There is no other end.

Toby moves through to the kitchen to get his jeans.

Suzy and Michael follow.

SUZY:

Has she got big tits?

TOBY:

Massive. Enormous. You can see them on

Google Earth. They’ve got their own

postcode.

Page 94

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

85 CONTINUED:
85

Toby gets his jeans and some other clothes. He's laden

down with boxes and bags and can hardly see. Comes out

into the hall. Suzy is there without Michael.

TOBY (CONT’D)

See you then.

SUZY:

Okay.

Toby struggles to open the front door. Suzy opens it.

Toby goes to leave then stops.

TOBY:

Look, Suzy, this is probably going to

sound odd under the circumstances.

SUZY:

Quickie?

TOBY:

No. Thank you. But no. It’s about

Liza.

SUZY:

Oh good tell me more, tell me more

about her tits.

TOBY:

Listen, Suze, Liza wrote a paper, Pwip-

Pip. I think, if it got leaked, it

could stop the war.

He holds out a memory stick.

MICHAEL:

Good tactic. Get earnest. I tried that

with the wife. Didn’t work.

SUZY:

You are such a f***ing coward, you

know that? And this is what? A make up

leak?

TOBY:

Does such a thing exist?

SUZY:

Toby, take your rubbish clothes and

your back issues of Mojo and your

eighth of dope and leave me the f***

alone.

Toby leaves the memory stick in the flat. Then heads

out.

Page 95

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

86 EXT. PAUL MICHAELSON' GARDEN - DAY 86

(CHANGE SCENE ORDER)

Simon is with Roz in Paul Michaelson' garden. Paul’s

mum has a camcorder.

PAUL MICHAELSON:

You seen those buttresses? Twigs! Thin

Twigs!

SIMON:

Right. Can I just say again how very

sorry I am. That's the reason I've

come down here.

PAUL MICHAELSON:

(re. Roz)

Why’s the one-armed bandit here?

Protection?

ROZ:

We’re both here to help. The minister

doesn’t need protecting.

SIMON:

Unless you try to hit me. You’re not

going to hit me are you?

Paul gestures -- don’t know, might do.

SIMON (CONT’D)

It’s... obviously, being a Cabinet

Minister I’ve been extremely busy

and...

PAUL MICHAELSON:

Don’t patronise me. We’re all busy. I

bet you find time to eat. I bet you

eat all the bloody time in fancy

bistros..

SIMON:

There’ll be a builder over here in

five minutes, and he and I will take

care of the wall.

Simon's phone goes.

SIMON (CONT'D)

I'll just leave you two to...excuse

me.

Simon goes away from Roz and Paul to answers his phone.

In the background, Roz gets a call.

Page 96

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

87

EXT. PAUL MICHAELSON' GARDEN/INT. MALCOLM'S OFFICE -87

DAY:

SIMON:

Malcolm.

INTERCUT WITH:

MALCOLM:

Minister. The PM wants you at the UN.

Thinks you can put the brakes on the

Americans. He likes your spine and

your balls. He thinks you're a big

f***-off exoskeleton covered in

testes. You’re spunky to them. In a

good way.

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