InAPPropriate Comedy Page #4

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Ok, listen,

this is going to seem weird,

But I just want to know.

Is your p*ssy

like slanted, or...

Oww!

Shut the f*** up!

Just... no hitting!

And if you're going to hit,

use proper form.

It's a karate chop,

and you say hyah.

You didn't say hyah. Oww!

What kind of karate

do you know?

Um...

What happens if I would

strike you? What would happen?

I'm not going to. Hyah!

[LAUGHS] Karate!

Are you sure this is...

All right, Hong Kong fooey,

Just please be careful.

You're going to fail.

You're going to fail.

'Cause I'm going to

sue your f***ing ass.

You're not going to sue me.

Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

What are you going

to sue me for?

I'm going to sue you

for sexual harassment.

Oh, it wasn't harassment

if you were asking for it.

I was not asking for it!

You're f***ing crazy!

Oh, yeah, sitting there

looking all Asian.

And of course I'm not

going to want to f***?

F***ing a**hole! Just because you

can't get anything? Oh, my god!

Of course I'm going

to want to f***.

Careful, careful,

careful, careful!

Sorry, Asian driver,

Asian driver.

They're really terrible

at driving. And lovemaking.

Dude, what is

your problem, man?

Sorry. I'm sorry to get on you.

But it's important that you

learn how to drive safely.

It's the only reason

I'm hard on you.

Because you need to learn

how to deliver food on time,

Otherwise people like me

are angry.

That it's past 40 minutes.

Dude, that's not even Chinese

food, that's domino's.

So f***ing ridiculous!

All right, then $40!

Would $40 do it?

$20, $40, what the f***

do you think I am?!

First of all, you already broke that 10.

You're eating half of that.

That... oh, my god, you are

the cheapest f***ing...

I'm not cheap, I'm not going to

waste money getting a hand job.

When I can go to some other

place and get one for cheaper!

Oh, my god. You couldn't get a hand

job if someone f***ing paid you.

Your own hand doesn't

even want to give you.

A f***ing hand job, you creep.

I'm done with this. I'm through with this.

You're an a**hole!

Watch out!

Somebody's going to hit you!

F*** you!

Ok, I cut off

for cutting people off,

Didn't look before turning,

Being a filthy Asian,

Cannot pronounce his Is,

that's minus 7.

41%.

Hey, a**hole,

One more thing...

f*** you.

Yeah, that's right,

you better be scared.

I'll f***ing karate punch

you in the face. A**hole.

Oh, my.

That's going to be a 41,

for the attitude,

I'm taking it down to a 38%.

38%.

F*** this.

F*** this.

Don't pull over!

We're in the... we're...

We're driving now. You are

so f***ing ridiculous.

So is it... is it horizontal...

Ow, f***! Ow! F***!

Asians fighting back!

Please! Ow! Ow!

Get out of the f***ing car!

Get back to your country.

F*** you!

Oh... my... god.

Well, they love their job.

They're great sitters.

I know. [CHUCKLES]

All right, sir, you, too.

All right, bye.

Hi. How can I help you?

Hi, I'm just looking.

Well, welcome. We are new in town.

New to Beverly Hills.

And we obviously offer

everything baby-Related.

Stuffed animals, blocks,

goobery gadgets.

We've got 'em

for your little goobers.

Oh, yes, we need more stuff in

our house, that's for sure.

Well, anything you see...

cribs, toys, crayons,

And we also have babysitters.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Oh, that's a good

thing to know.

Do you have a card

or something?

I'm...

well, even better...

Always looking for babysitters.

If you have time, you can actually

meet the sitters right now.

Really?

Yeah.

Uh, ok.

Fantastic, great.

Really?

Come on with me. Yeah.

All right.

What's the little guy's name?

Luke.

All right. Come on, Luke,

let's meet your new babysitters.

You're going to love them.

Come on.

He's just so sweet.

Oh, thank you.

Right this way.

Thank you.

Luke, your new sitters.

I'll let you guys

get acquainted.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey, b*tch.

Hey, mike.

Hey, I'm telling

you, no bullshit.

My cousin ray ain't giving me this...

[INDISTINCT]

Like that.

Hold on, hold on,

n*gger. Hold on.

Get it.

What the f***, are you going

to f***ing say something.

Or sh*t, what the f***, are you

just going to walk up in here...

No, I just was taken

by surprise, I'm sorry.

Who are you guys?

She was... I'm...

What? What the f***?

Finish your goddamn sentence,

b*tch, what the f***?

Uh, no, I just...

I'm looking for babysitters.

My bad. I'm supposed to be nice.

We are the babysitters.

You're the babysitters?

We're the babysitters.

What's going on here,

seriously?

We the babysitters.

You're...

you can't be babysitters.

We're the f***ing babysitters.

The n*ggers have f***ing said

it like 20 f***ing times, damn!

Ok, ok, ok, all right.

Is that your baby?

Yes.

How old is it?

He's 7 months.

We grand handshake...

I'm sorry,

what is going on here?

This is really odd.

Hey! Hey, boy.

Hey, I got your girl

right here.

You know what,

what we need to do,

Like, we need to find

out like a schedule.

We can write down the schedule.

We got a crayon in this

b*tch somewhere.

So when do you need our services?

Because, um...

That's what I'm saying,

we can write down a schedule.

The sooner,

the better I get paid,

The sooner I can pay the bills.

'Cause I got people to pay.

No, I'm sure that you do.

No, we all have bills to pay.

Oh, yeah.

But you know what...

Why are you being like this?

But you know what,

my husband and I...

Is it 'cause we black?

I'm sorry, I didn't...

I didn't say anything

about you being black.

First of all, my best friend's

husband is like a quarter black.

Oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t.

It's about to go down.

Oh, for real?

Motherf***er.

Your next baby can be

half black, though.

No, you know what, this not

funny at all, you guys.

I'm not laughing anymore.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Honestly, this is...

we're all set.

I think something's

going on here.

We're all set in here!

Thank you.

I think something's

going on here.

Nothing's going on.

What do you mean, nothing

ain't going on here?

Nothing's going on!

We want to baby-Sit

the baby.

We're good.

You think you're

too good for us.

You know what,

do you have a card?

'Cause I can take your card.

Yeah, we got a card.

Look on the f***ing

wall. F*** the police.

That's the motherfucking

card, b*tch!

How much money are you going

to give us for this?

I got to gets paid.

I got a welfare check

didn't come through!

They come crop my water.

All you got to do is give

me some of that money

take me out,

about to get your ring

about the baby, sit your baby

do the damn thing

with the malt liquor in my

hand, I'm the man

Oh, my god!

I think Luke's all set.

Hey, you guys.

Aww.

We've got a client.

You guys nailed it.

She going to call us.

We got that.

We got a client!

I think we got a client.

I think we got a client.

[HUMMING]

All right, let's

move forward now.

The next one's supposed to be

a classic, according to bob.

What's the name of this one?

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