InAPPropriate Comedy Page #5

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"Sperm lake."

"Sperm lake."

[DUCKS QUACKING]

["SWAN LAKE" PLAYING]

Oh, no, it's a bunch of dudes.

Oh, no, not even one

looks like a woman.

[SQUAWKING]

This is the kind of bullshit that made

me stop going to the sauna at the gym.

[SQUAWKING]

["SWAN LAKE" ENDS]

I see you standing there

there on the wall

I want to know

if you're alone

[SQUAWKING]

[SONG CONTINUES]

[MOANING]

got me, got me, got me

bumping in this club

[TURNS OFF SONG,

"SWAN LAKE" PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

[SQUAWKING]

Ohhh.

[SQUAWKING]

Wow.

This may be the only

show on the internet.

To actually get guys

to stop jerking off.

Dude, relax.

The only way I could shoot

my load watching this.

Will be trying to hit the eject

button on the DVD player.

Ok. I think we need

to get the bucket rating.

Ok, let's go to the bucket.

Bob, what do you got?

9.2.

9.2?

That's a lot.

There must be some blood

mixed in there with that.

Ohh... wow.

That can't be good.

And the sticky bucket

award goes to...

"Sperm lake," with a 9.2.

Well, this has been

this week's podcast.

Of "the porno

review." I'm JD.

And I'm Harriet.

Bob.

We should take bob outside

and hit him with a stick.

I think we should put him down.

Yeah.

We should get rid of bob.

"Flirty harry," a lone hero,

With the wind of a city

on his shoulders.

Every night

it just gets harder...

And longer...

And harder...

Knowing that these young men

that I handcuff and punish.

Can actually walk the next day.

Oh, yes, yes, harry.

Once I finish nail,

harry, he be ok.

You like semi-Gloss?

Actually, I don't know

about the semi. I...

I like a nice hard finish.

Something about

how smooth it feels.

When I squeeze each load

down that barrel.

Yeah, like pop, pop, pop

in the sky. Bright light, wow!

It doesn't really go

in the sky.

It shoots kind of forward.

Ooh!

Funny, harry, very funny.

You want blow job?

That's all right.

Oh, I give him blow job.

No, I give him blow job.

That's ok.

I give him blow job.

I give him blow job.

BOTH:
I give him blow job!

I give him blow job!

Just a little.

That's ok.

I can blow myself.

I'll get your bottle

for you. I'll be right back.

When crime runs rampant...

[CRYING]

Flirty harry is there.

Freeze, a**hole.

Don't move a muscle.

Drop it.

This could be nasty.

Ow! Damn!

Gotcha.

Goddamn, motherf***er!

Flirty harry...

One in the hole.

He always gets his man...

I can feel the bullet

in my mouth,

You motherf***er!

In the end.

I'm gonna kill you, b*tch!

Right...

we shouldn't stay.

Oh, please.

[LAUGHS]

Ooh! It feels good.

[LAUGHS]

How are you?

How you doin'?

Ahh... wow.

Hey, tomorrow,

We should hurry and check out.

Ok? And, uh...

I'm sorry, am I

interrupting or...

Oh, no, no, no.

Ok. Great.

Ooh.

You guys visiting, or...

We're from st. Louis.

Oh, that's great.

I'm from Iowa.

Oh, good. You having

a nice vacation?

Actually, uh, I'm

meeting my boyfriend.

He lives here

and we met online,

And it's kind of

our first weekend.

To actually meet

face to face. So...

Oh, really?

It's been great.

[LAUGHS]

Cool. I'm Diane.

Oh, Diane, I'm Cindi.

I'm jack.

Oh, great.

Excellent.

What are you guys

doing tonight?

We'll probably hit the bar

or get some drinks.

We are, too. Maybe we can do

a double date or something.

I don't know.

Just think about it.

Sure. Sure, why not? See

you guys in the bar, yeah.

Might be Mr. Right.

Sounds like a nice guy.

Yeah, he's really sweet.

Hey, mama.

Hi, baby!

How you be doin'?

I've been missing you.

Where you been?

Where you been? Mmm!

Mmm!

Come here!

[MOANING]

Um...

[INDISTINCT]

What you doin' up in here?

Hey, this is, uh,

Diane and jack.

We're just talking.

What y'all be up to?

What's up?

Guys, this is him.

So what it do?

How you be?

How you doin'?

How are you?

How you be doin'?

They're gonna maybe go

for drinks with us tonight.

Oh, yeah, some [INDISTINCT]?

Double date.

Oh, I don't know, yeah.

Nice. That sounds

like the sh*t.

Can I get a chocolate martini?

Yeah, and I'll get a

white vanilla rockatini.

We really should go.

So you can have...

Baby...

Yeah, why don't we

leave you guys.

To have some privacy.

It's cool.

Oh, come on, you guys,

we're just having fun.

Oh, come on.

No, it's fine.

We had a long day today.

We should probably get...

Sit down.

Sit down!

So, um, so what do you

do for a living?

Uh, I am an insurance salesman.

Boring.

Yeah?

I need some insurance.

I bet you do. I need some

insurance on my dick.

Hey, Seth.

You look like Seth Rogan

or something like that.

I have got that before.

Yeah? He got

a big dick, I heard.

Some girl I f***ed last week,

She f***ed him

two weeks before that,

She couldn't even walk.

She was like, dude...

She could not even walk.

She...

She had a wheelchair.

B*tch had a remote

control wheelchair.

Like, b*tch said hello

and did me like that,

I'd put her in a coma.

Seth Rogan put her

in a wheelchair,

I put that b*tch in a coma.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Give me that ear.

Give me that ear.

DIANE:
I'm gonna be sick.

[LAUGHING]

Who's my big black daddy?

Hey, Seth. Why don't you go

ahead, switch with my girl,

Let me have your girl.

[BOTH TALKING AND LAUGHING]

I'd enjoy that.

I can totally do it.

Hey, jack, I've got room

in my mouth.

Diane.

Hi.

You had your stomach

played with inside?

I can make your stomach gurgle.

Like a motherfuckin'

Alka-Seltzer pill.

When he put his dick in me,

I thought he popped an organ.

It was like... aah!

What was that?!

Oh, my god, her kidney!

Oh, my god, I felt him poking

me in my f***in' throat.

You know what I mean?

You're being very disgusting.

Oh, please. Why are

you being like this?

Jack, I know

you're getting hard.

We're just trying to have fun.

I know, we were just having fun, too.

We're just relaxing.

You know what? We should just

leave you to have fun together.

Yeah, you guys will have

more fun if we're not here.

Ain't no fun if the

homeys can't have none.

Come on.

I'm a homey.

Let's shake our titties

together.

Just you and me shakin'

and bouncin' our titties.

Just bounce it.

Just bounce it.

Have a little fun.

Let me do it to you.

Let me do it to you.

Hey, jack, you like anal?

No. No.

Whoa. Whoa.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

I want that big

black dick in me.

You feel it?

You feel it?

Aah! Aah!

No, no, no! No, no.

No, no.

[SHOUTING]

We don't want to be in this

when you guys are having sex.

Come on, jack, you know

you want a piece of this.

Why are you gonna leave?

Don't touch me!

[INDISTINCT]

Come on, don't leave,

you f***in' p*ssy!

Uh, hello, sir.

How are you?

Hmm? Ok.

Can I, uh, ask you a question?

I'm trying to get

a petition going.

I'm trying to get Jews to

apologize for killing Jesus.

I'm trying to get as many

signatures as I can.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

I'm trying to get Jews,

yiddle littles,

Um, Hebrews,

To apolo... to...

You know you're in

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