InAPPropriate Comedy Page #6

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a Jewish market?

Yeah, I came to find them.

They, uh...

I... I... I'm sorry, I...

what is... is this a...

Are you sorry?

That's great.

So if you'll sign this

and say sorry about...

No, I... I did not

kill Jesus.

Yeah, but... I mean,

your people did.

Are you for real here?

What are you doing

in a Jewish market here.

Talking to Jews this way?

How do you talk like that?

Why do all you guys talk

like such victims?

[WHINING]

Nnn... nnn...

Nn... nnn...

That's what you sound like

all the time.

All the time.

I'm sorry, I just...

I'm not gonna talk to you.

All right, fair enough.

Jeez...

By the way,

we're giving away, uh,

Across the street,

50% off rhinoplasties.

Get out of here!

A nose job...

Get away from me!

You don't want 50% off...

No, I don't!

Wow. Wow.

Hi, how are you?

Hi.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Good price.

Hey.

Remember Jesus.

And how you guys killed him?

We're just try...

I'm trying to get,

Um, some people

to sign the petition.

Just to, uh...

"Sorry for killing

Jesus" petition. Uh...

Jesus Christ. Yeah.

If I could just get

your Jew name here.

Are you serious?

Totally.

What do...

How do you guys get

such curly hair?

Like, do you perm this?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Stop.

Please don't touch

my hair. Ok?

It's really...

Do... like, what

do you do to it?

Why don't you just cut it?

Or smooth it out?

It doesn't work.

Do you think that's because

god is punishing you?

Maybe. Maybe he is.

Maybe it's because you

haven't apologized...

Excuse me. Father or minister

or whatever you are,

I think it's really rude of

you to come in here and...

Ok, I get you don't want to sign it.

Perhaps...

This is ridiculous.

Uh, Mr. Copper

Abraham Lincoln.

Would, uh, change your mind?

'Cause Jews love money, right?

Mm-Hmm.

Mm-Hmm.

Very tempting.

Very tempting.

No, thank you.

Excuse me. I'm

just trying to shop.

Would you want

to be nailed to a cross?

Your legs and your hands...

Nobody does that anymore.

No, they don't.

So, just apologize

for the last one.

You know he was special to us.

Fine. Go find

someone to breed with.

Are you serious?

Jeez.

Hi, how are you?

I'm ok. How are you? Good.

Uh, I'm here today...

it's great food here.

But I'm here today to...

Sorry, I don't know what you're doing

in here, but I need you to leave.

I don't want you

bothering my customers.

Ok. I apologize.

I'm sorry.

You... yeah, thank you.

Didn't... did

somebody tell on me?

No, I saw you

from behind the counter.

You're bothering...

Was there a collaborator

that came over to you?

No, it wasn't a collaborator.

It was just me

with my own eyes,

Seeing you bothering

my customers.

Ok, I was just... honestly, I'm

just trying to get some...

Some...

Ok, if you're going to shop.

And get some stuff,

you're more than...

That's right. I apologize.

It was my fault.

Ok, more than happy.

Just...

sorry.

Don't bother customers, ok? Ok.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Were you the one that told?

You're right.

I... I...

Trying to get

to the other side...

Nnn... nnn...

Hey, look

at the little Jew apples.

They're so tiny.

Get less for your money.

Um, so, hey. If you could

sign our petition?

We're just trying

to get some, uh,

Jews to apologize

for killing Jesus.

Just try to, uh...

[SCOFFS]

Make things all even.

Yeah. No, uh,

you know,

I don't sign my name

to anything.

That I haven't read completely,

So, no... no,

thank you.

It says right here, "sorry

for killing Jesus petition."

And then, here's your Jew name,

And if you still know

your Jew number,

And then, whether

or not you're sorry.

Oh, my god. Miriam?

Is that your name?

No.

Ok.

Well, I'm sorry to, uh...

I, uh, don't mean

to bother you.

I apologize.

My fault.

These look better.

Can you smell that?

Can you smell the penny?

Enough already.

Ok.

Ok? I don't want to have

to come out here again.

Ok, I can see your friend.

He's got a camera here.

I mean... yeah. We're just...

You're not very inconspicuous,

What you're doing here

with my customers.

If the owner

was here right now,

I could get in a lot

of trouble, so, uh...

Ok, I'm... ok.

If you're gonna shop here,

that's absolutely fine.

Just stay away

from the customers,

- If you would, please.

- Ok, ok. Sorry.

- Ok?

- Sorry.

- Thank you.

- Ok.

I understand.

I'll go now.

I just... ok, I'll

stay away from them.

Excuse me. Can I talk

to you for a second?

Yeah. What's up?

[LAUGHING] Jerry Seinfeld.

"Hello, Newman."

Uh, I'm trying to get

a, uh, petition going.

For, um...

yeah? What's it for?

I'm just trying to get,

Um, Jews to, uh,

sign a petition.

Saying they're sorry

that... that Jesus got killed,

And their role of that.

It's just kind of like...

Are... are you bored

or something?

Are... are you serious?

I'm just...

It's just there's a lot

of hatred in the world.

I'm just trying to cure that.

Come on. Just sign.

Just sign it.

Just be the guy who

takes the initiative.

And gets in there and apologizes

for what you people did.

Ok, fine. All right. Awesome.

Uh, go ahead. Write

your name down there.

It says, "Jew name."

Yeah.

The Jew's name.

Come on, man.

Ok, I'll start you off.

"David"...

Ok, my name is David.

Ok, should I put

for occupation,

Should I put banker?

Uh, running media?

Really?

Running media. Ok.

Also, we're giving away,

And I think

you might like this,

50% off rhinoplasties.

Um...

Discount nose jobs.

50% off, um...

My nose is...

My no... your nose

is bigger than mine.

But really, you're

just deflecting now.

Your nose is humongous.

No, it's not.

Pear.

How are you?

[SIGHS] Not too

bad, not too bad.

Do you want

to sign my petition?

What's it all about?

I'm trying to get...

[SIGHS] Jews to sign

this petition.

Saying they're sorry about

the killing of Jesus.

And none of these hymies

will... will do it,

And it's just frustrating,

'Cause I'm just trying

to bring people together.

Yeah. I mean,

why not?

All right.

Awesome, man.

"Name."

Just put your name there.

Name.

Name's "f*** you."

All right.

Ok. Thank you.

If you're not going to be

serious about this.

I mean, what the f***, dude?

So, you're not sorry

about the killing of Jesus?

Is he doing it again?

Why... you again?

You're always bothering me!

You're bothering my customers.

Out you go.

I wish it was

6 million and one.

Ohh! Out.

Immediately.

- Get out of here.

- Stop, stop, stop!

I didn't mean any harm.

Stop! You're crucifying me.

Stop it! You're a real

jerk, you know that?

This is what you did

to Jesus, too.

- Stop, stop, stop!

- Get out of here.

I will sue you.

Well, doctor, I just, you know,

Find that I'm having trouble.

Opening up in my relationships,

Really being vulnerable.

The thing is is that I think

this comes from my childhood.

My... my parents got

divorced at a young age,

And I feel like

my father leaving.

Has really, you know, taken a... a

chunk out of my self-Esteem.

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