InAPPropriate Comedy Page #7

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Mm-Hmm.

That's a shame.

You know, I feel like there's

a good girl inside of me,

And a raunchy raven

that comes out.

When I have sex

with some stranger.

Hmm? You know, my... my

self-Esteem issues.

Let's get back to the sex.

Uh, what kind of sex

are you talking about?

Sex with... with, um,

many, many men.

Sometimes in groups

as, you know...

You're with a doctor.

You can be specific.

Well, hand jobs,

blow jobs, gagging,

Double penetration, facials,

Dry humping,

Sex with toys,

role play, whips,

Chains, the whole gamut.

I've... I've just spent

years drowned in a...

In a pool of semen.

You know?

That's interesting.

Drowning.

Trying to get out

and be myself,

But just being covered

in... in nameless...

Mm-Hmm.

Faceless...

Semen.

[CRYING] Then I...

Then I started doing the drugs.

What do the drugs make you do?

They would take me

to a whole new level.

With... with this sex,

This disgusting,

you know, base,

Depraved, animalistic.

Like I wasn't

even human anymore.

I was just this thing. [MOANING]

And I just...

I wanted to get f***ed

all night long,

And I just wanted

to bang, bang,

Bang all night long.

You know? And it didn't

matter who it was.

I'd take any guy that... that

came and I would face him.

We'd do it

wherever... wherever.

Do you have any

of those drugs on you?

Yeah.

Can I see them?

How many of these drugs

did you take?

No more than 1/2 or look out.

It makes everything

more difficult.

It makes my friendships,

You know, just fall apart.

Nobody trusts me or...

How could they trust you?

Who would trust me? I...

you're a bad girl.

I am a bad, bad girl.

Mm-Hmm.

And it's just so embarrassing.

[WEEPING]

[CRUNCHING]

[GULP]

5 minutes for the drugs, huh?

Uh, yeah.

And, um...

mm-Hmm.

I had to change. I

started praying a lot.

Oh, that's not gonna work.

And, um, you know,

Really trying to find the lord.

What would he know?

He never even had sex.

Ohh.

Sorry.

It's ruined my life,

But it's so nice to finally

meet a man I can talk to.

[CRUNCHING]

And you're really listening

to me, you know?

I'm in pain and I'm... I'm

finally unloading it on you.

And ohh! It's hard.

You know, to...

to get it out,

And I feel like

you listen to me.

And I feel like, you know,

That it's not about the

$300 that I'm paying you.

I feel like you really... uh, $400.

Mm-Hmm.

I feel like it's

about, you know,

Like a connection that you and I have.

I can see it.

[COUGHING]

You're feeling what

I'm going through,

And it's so...

it's so wonderful.

It's ok, you're...

I can see you're

right here with me.

[CHOKING] You know?

And it's just like, I've never

cried with a man before.

This is beautiful.

I just... I feel

like we're...

You're connected

to me, you know, and...

[CHOKING]

Uhh!

Is the hour up?

[HUMMING]

P.A:
Dr. Gordon...

[DOOR OPENS]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

My baby mama be in a minute.

You got any more books?

How y'all doing?

How y'all doing?

This your first time down here?

Yeah.

Oh, ok.

You nervous?

Yes.

Yeah, you should be.

I bet you wear a rubber

next time, huh?

Got you down here

at the chop shop.

So, how long

y'all been waiting?

An hour.

I don't know.

Damn!

They got you signing.

All types of unnecessary

paperwork and sh*t?

And on top of that, 600 stacks.

600 Benjamin's down the tube.

No pun intended, 'cause I know.

It's a sensitive time for you

and your girl, you know?

It's all right.

It is what it is, sir.

Yeah, man.

It is what it is,

And it was what it was.

When you was tearin'

that ass up.

Across the kitchen sink, huh?

So, how you

gonna pay for this, man?

How's your cash flow?

I don't know, man.

It's not that great.

That's what I figured.

Hey, yo.

You should have

got this sh*t done in Vegas.

They got slot machines

in the abortion clinic in Vegas.

You know what I'm saying?

Cha-Ching!

They give you a chance to get

your money back in Vegas.

A lot of the doctors will go

double or nothing with you, too,

'Cause they gamble.

Great.

Hey, hey. I got

the hook-Up, though.

If you want to take care of it,

I could sell you, like,

500 stacks.

Y'all like hook-Ups?

You know, like,

free... free 99? You know?

What are you talking about?

This right here.

F*** all these books.

I can take care

of this right now.

You know

what I'm saying? Ha ha!

Oh, my god.

Yeah!

You wanna do this?

Are you serious?

Are you out of your mind?

No, I ain't out of my mind.

I'm trying to save y'all

some money, man.

Are you kidding me?

No, baby. Come on.

We can get it

crackin' right now.

Go around the corner,

I snatch that bad boy

right up out of her ass.

Oh, my god.

Are you joking?

No, I ain't joking, man.

This is how I make my money.

Come on, now.

Let's get it crackin'.

No, no, no. That is horrible.

Oh, baby. I ain't mean

to scare you.

I'm just trying to help you...

Put it... put that away.

Oh, y'all don't wanna do this?

That is so offensive.

You already at the slaughterhouse.

Let's get this crackin'.

Please put that away.

This conversation...

That is so rude.

I... I tell you what.

I tell you what.

How about I do

a 2 for 1 special,

With her and this

other ho over here.

Who can't keep her legs closed,

And we get it crackin'.

Like "invasion of the body

snatchers" up in here.

How about that?

Holiday special.

Excuse me?

A whore?

Oh, I... no, I didn't...

I said "ho," not "whore."

There's a difference, baby.

I can use one end for you

and one end for her,

And we ain't gotta keep sterilizing

this motherf***er with my weed lighter.

You understand what I'm saying?

We could do this right now

for $100 straight up. No tax.

- Please go away.

- Are you out of your mind?

I tell you what,

I cut a deal with you

'Cause this is a recession.

How about I just kick her

down the stairs for 50?

- This conversation is...

- Screw you.

I am getting security.

Oh, you gonna call

security now?

Well, I'm on probation.

I gotta get up out of here.

You know, O.J. Done f***ed

it up for everybody.

- [KNOCKING] Security.

- Excuse me.

Y'all need to respect

the recession.

Sir, you need to...

Meet me around the corner

if you change your mind.

We can get it crackin'.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Just leave us alone, please.

Ok. Hey,

you know what?

Keep the hanger.

Keep the hanger.

[GASPS] Ohh.

Things you'll never see.

A beautiful girl...

MAN:
Look what

I got for you.

Dating an older man...

Baby, I'm buying this for you.

Who's poor.

No.

Aww.

I don't want you spending

your hard-Earned money on me.

Aww.

Baby.

We've got an agreement.

You put out,

I'll pay your rent.

You hear me, b*tch?

Ohh. You don't

want the dress?

Well, f*** it.

Uh-Uh.

[CLATTERING]

Come over here and give me.

That long, beautiful

tongue of yours.

[BOTH MOANING]

[CRASH]

ANNOUNCER:
That was...

Things you'll never see.

[HUMMING]

Come get your boat rides.

Free one-Way trips

on a boat.

Who loves boats?

Luxury cruise.

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