InAPPropriate Comedy Page #8

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Can I interest anyone

in a luxury cruise.

On a steamliner?

Are you interested

in a boat trip?

Look me in the eye.

That would be

a lot more respectful.

Like you don't know your place.

How are you guys?

Hey.

Can I interest you guys

in a boat ride?

We're giving away

free boat rides today.

- Boat ride?

- Yeah, it's a free boat ride.

It's... it's... we're

trying to get, uh,

What do you guys call yourself?

African-Americans to,

uh, back to Africa.

Um, you know,

where you're from.

Hey, man, I'm from here.

What the hell

are you talking about?

There's been a lot of talk.

About how white people

stole, uh, black people.

And brought them here.

So, we're trying to

make up for those wrongs.

By, um, offering

free trips back.

I'm from here, man.

I'm from this city.

What the f*** are

you talking about?

Please, dr. Huxtable.

Take it down a notch.

Uh, I'm just

trying to help you.

I'm just trying to...

'Cause I don't have 40 acres.

I don't have a mule.

Dude, what is your problem?

Oh, no.

He didn't say that.

It's free, sir.

It's free.

Africa is a wonderful place.

You guys, if you just step on,

We could... we'd have

a great time.

There's tons of stuff in here.

There's malt liquor,

if you guys...

Malt liquor?

Yeah.

I don't drink, all right?

I can't drink.

Hey, calm down.

Fine. Kool-Aid.

Say whatever you want.

But we... we have everything.

If you want to get

your hair done,

There's a salon.

Kool-Aid and malt liquor?

It's called fantastic Sambo's.

Hey, hey, hey!

This is my wife.

No, you need to calm down.

Hey, look.

No, no, no.

Come on. Don't get...

don't get upset, sir.

I'm just trying to be

the nice one here.

I'm just trying to help people.

You're f***ing

trying to be nice?

Why don't you get this

piece of sh*t off the...

I'm trying to,

but I need to fill it up.

We don't have all day.

With what?

What are you going

to fill it up with?

Just come on.

It's a great time.

I wouldn't have came down here.

Did you tell them

about the basketball?

Yeah, we have basketball.

Don't be angry.

We have sunflower seeds,

as well.

If that's at all

of interest to you.

Sir, have you ever

tasted lion meat?

It's delicious.

He said you're number one.

Africa.

Free trips to Africa.

Look at these two.

Hi. Hello.

Hi.

Can I interest, uh,

Can I interest you

in a free boat trip?

Where? Are you guys

with each other?

Where?

Oh, we're giving free,

uh, trips to... to Africa.

To Africa!

What's the situation here?

- What do you mean?

- Hold on. What?

You never get white

guys with black chicks.

Really?

Not since

the next-Door neighbors.

On "the Jefferson's." Listen,

in Africa, you belong.

You won't need

that helmet hair.

You know what?

You talking about I am.

Supposed to be not human?

Holding a watermelon?

You know what? If I come up

that f***in' plank,

Your ass is going in

that damn water.

Don't let me come up there.

Look, we have chicken,

and I will make you waffles.

Listen, in Africa, your

violence will be rewarded.

Instead of punished.

Violence? Your violent nature.

You know what you need to do?

You need to get your ass

out of here.

Were you a security guard

at the jail she was in?

Are you serious?

What you need to do

is open your eyes.

Do these glasses work?

Let me see.

Do they work?

Oh, please.

Do they work?

I don't think they work.

Do you have

to steal everything?

- Do you want them back?

- Yes, I would.

There.

You can have them back.

Because I am

a civilized person.

I'm not gonna beat your ass

f***in' senseless.

Civilized people don't

even think about it.

How much sh*t

do you got back there?

What the f***, dude?

We have everything

you'd need for the trip.

This is really stupid.

Don't you know we're in the

21st century, all right?

That's what I'm trying to say!

If you bleed, you're red.

If she bleeds,

you're... what the f***?

Eat it. Ok, ok. All right.

It smells delicious.

Eat it.

Follow it.

Eat...

Eat the f***ing chicken,

you goddamn freak.

You can do it.

Eat it.

Come on. Let's just

see how it feels.

If you just...

follow me

What I want you to do...

yes.

I want you to look at people.

And realize

that your ass is not

100% whatever the f*** you are.

Shouldn't you

be keeping your eye on her.

So she doesn't run away?

She's not gonna run away.

You know...

easy, easy.

See, this is the problem.

You guys should be on the boat.

Yeah, she wasn't

into it at all.

F***in' wait.

Just f***in' wait.

Whoo!

It's like they don't know.

We're trying to give a gift.

It is a gift.

You're a good man.

Free trips to Africa.

Who wants a free trip?

Free trips. Hello,

ma'am. How are you?

Hi. Can I interest you in a...

Would you like free stuff?

I love free stuff.

Yeah.

We're giving away,

uh, free trips today.

Free, uh, boat rides.

You guys should go.

You should totally go.

Sounds fun.

Yeah. We only have room

for one more.

So, just her.

I'm really sorry.

Oh, no. My friend

has to come with me.

I know!

Ohh. I know.

I'd love to have you there,

But no, it's just...

It's not really for you.

It's all we

could have right now.

All what?

Just black people.

We're trying to get them

to go back to Africa.

Because, um, well, one,

that's where you're from.

And two, a lot of people

don't want you here.

Are you black?

Just to make sure.

I'm totally

not one of them, but...

Wait. Is this for real?

You know, she's

very light-Skinned.

Well, how... how... what

percentage black are you?

Yeah, she's black.

I have a shade...

Check the shade thing.

Oh, my god!

Sir, this is really f***ed up.

- You can't be serious.

- You can't do that.

It is f***ed up.

You're, like third from

the... third from the left.

Third from the right.

That's really, yeah.

Let's show her where

she could go.

You'd be in, like, Liberia.

Or one of the outer...

outer nations.

Ok, you... you guys

really have a problem.

In this area.

You don't need to put up

with this bullshit.

You guys are both f***ing racists.

Just so you know.

- Uh, I'm racist?

- Yes.

Uh, who's the one trying to

hang out with a black girl.

So she looks better?

What?

Yeah, yeah.

She's my best friend.

Guess what?

Nailed it.

You wanna hang out

with minorities.

So people like you better.

But you're a minority.

You're a Jew.

[SHOUTING] I am not a Jew!

Yeah, well, you look like it.

They're the grossest

of the gross.

Listen, Africa's

an amazing place.

The movies start

10 minutes late,

And you can talk all

the way through them.

Oh, my god!

There's acres of watermelon,

If you're interested

at all in that.

We don't need to...

a watermelon?

Yeah. You wanna eat it?

It's delicious and refreshing.

We have basketball courts.

I'm gonna put this up.

First of all,

you don't even know me.

I can't even believe

you would do this.

Yeah, you don't even know her.

Do you hate watermelon?

I don't even like watermelon.

Come on, Brandi.

You know you wanna go.

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