Inherent Vice Page #4

Enter DOC'S LAWYER, SAUNCHO SMILAX (30s).

SAUNCHO:

Lieutenant! You know that you

don't have any case here, so if

you're going to charge him,

you better, otherwise -

DOC:

Sauncho, remember who this is

you're talking to, it's Bigfoot

Bjornsen, renaissance cop.

SAUNCHO:

Charge him or let him go, you have

no case...

20.

DOC:

Bigfoot, don't mind him, he

watches too many courtroom dramas.

BEAT. They all look at each other...

SAUNCHO:

What's the beef here exactly?

BIGFOOT:

It doesn't have much to do with

your speciality, which I

understand is marine law.

SAUNCHO:

There's plenty of crime on the

high seas.

BIGFOOT:

So far we have murder and

kidnapping, we can work in pirates

if that would make you more

comfortable -- either way it's

high profile.

SAUNCHO:

Yes, but given your history with

my client -- you know this is

harassment, there's no case,

this'll never make it to trial.

BIGFOOT:

We probably could take this all

the way to trial -- but with our

luck the jury pool will be 99

percent hippie --

SAUNCHO:

Sure, unless you got the venue

changed to maybe, like, Orange

County -- not as many hippies down

there --

DOC:

Sauncho, who are you working for?

SAUNCHO:

Clients pay for work.

BIGFOOT:

I've decided I'm going to kick Mr.

Sportello.

SAUNCHO:

You're gonna kick him? That's

assault!

DOC:

(I think it's police slang

Sauncho. It means cut me loose.)

21.

BIGFOOT:

I'll release the suspect at theimpound garage...

... promise?

SAUNCHO:

BIGFOOT:

Promise. And I'll even give him aride myself.

SAUNCHO:

Alright, I'm glad we got thisworked out then -- remember, Doc:

This was like 15 billable minutes.

CUT TO:

14 INT. BIGFOOT'S EL CAMINO (MOVING) 14

Driving in silence.

turn --

Bigfoot suddenly makes a sharp UDOC

Where we going?

BIGFOOT:

To a nice, secluded spot that has‘shot while trying to escape’written all over it.

CUT TO:

15 INT. HILLS ABOVE VALLEY - DAY 15

Bigfoot walks Doc deep into the mountainside.

sits him down, stands over him...

Finally

BIGFOOT:

Are you aware of the dictum thatdope will get you through times ofno money better than vice versa...

You'd be surprised how many inyour own hippie freak communityhave found our Special EmployeeDisbursements useful.

DOC:

... what do you mean? You mean

like ‘Mod Squad’? Rat on

everybody I ever met?

BIGFOOT:

Right now there's fistfuls ofgreenbacks flowing at anythingthat even looks like local law

enforcement.

(MORE)

22.

BIGFOOT (CONT'D)

Federal funding as far as the eye

can see... or we could certainly

offer you compensation in a more

inhalable form... Acapulco Gold.

Panama Red. Michoacan Icepack.

Our downtown evidence rooms got

filled up long ago, Doc.

Numberless

kilos of righteous weed just for

you. Just for trivial information

we already have anyway. And what

you don't smoke, improbable as

that seems, you could always sell.

DOC:

Are you married, Bigfoot?

BIGFOOT:

Sorry, you're not my type. What

does this look like? Or don't

they have them on planet hippie?

DOC:

You have kids?

BIGFOOT:

I hope this isn't some kind of

veiled doper threat.

DOC:

It's just strange that here we

both are with this mysterious

power to ruin each other's day and

we don't even know anything about

each other.

BIGFOOT:

Aimless doper's drivel and yet

you've just defined the very

essence of law enforcement. So

how about my offer?

DOC:

Yours is the last wallet I'd want

money out of, Bigfoot...

CUT TO:

16 INT. DOC'S PLACE - LATER 16

Doc's been released. He's watching BIGFOOT on TV from

the newscast at CHANNEL VIEW ESTATES.

DOC half watches, smokes the end of a joint and rolls

another. The PHONE RINGS:

DOC:

Hello?

23.

TARIQ (V.O.)

I didn't do it.

DOC:

Nobody said you did... Who is

this?

TARIQ (V.O.)

If Glen was a target, then I am,

too. Better not be in contact,

man. This is not some bunch of

fools like the LAPD. And if you

don't mind a piece of free advice

-forget it all.

Dial tone...

CLOSEUP - JOINT

It's done. He's smoked it all. He lies on the couch.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN: It's Bigfoot.

DOC:

Hello?

BIGFOOT (V.O.)

So we sent some Police Academy

hotshot over to the last known

address of Shasta Fay Hepworth,

just a routine visit and guess

what?

DOC:

F***, no, not this.

BIGFOOT (V.O.)

Relax -- don't be so sensitive --

all we know at this point is that

she's disappeared now, too, just

like her boyfriend Mickey... do

you think there could be a

connection? Maybe they ran off

together?

DOC:

Bigfoot, can we at least try and

be professional about all this

from now on.

BIGFOOT (V.O.)

I am being professional. There's

certain things I can't tell you

because you aren't on payroll.

(MORE)

24.

BIGFOOT (V.O.) (CONT'D)

If anything occurs to you about

where they went -- don't forget to

share that with me, will you?

DOC:

What's the last address you have?

Bigfoot has already hung up.

The phone rings again.

DOC:

(into phone)

Hello?

HOPE HARLINGEN (V.O.)

Mr. Sportello?

DOC:

Yes?

HOPE HARLINGEN (V.O.)

I got your number at the head shop

in Gordita Beach. It's about my

husband. He used to be a close

friend of your friend -- Shasta

Fay Hepworth?

DOC:

And you're?

HOPE HARLINGEN (V.O.)

Hope Harlingen.

DOC:

Okay. And he's...?

HOPE HARLINGEN (V.O.)

Dead.

CUT TO:

A17 INT. DOC'S CAR A17

Driving to Hope’s house. CLEAN OF SORTILEGE.

17 EXT. TORRANCE - SMALL HOUSE 17

Inside this nice, little house, DOC sits at the breakfast

table with a sweet faced young woman: HOPE HARLINGEN

(20s). (NOTE:
Still need a ref. to her false

teeth/calcium/heroin.)

25.

HOPE HARLINGEN:

Inside the surf-sax category Coy

passed for a towering figure,

because he actually improvised

once in a while instead of how

second and third choruses get

repeated note for note?

DOC:

You're right. I love surf music -

but some of the worst blues work

ever recorded will be showing up

on karmic rap sheets of surf-sax

players.

HOPE HARLINGEN:

It was never his work I was in

love with. Coy and I should have

met cute but actually we met

squalid, down at Oscar's in San

Ysidro -

DOC:

Oh, boy.

HOPE HARLINGEN:

I had just gone running into a

toilet stall without checking

first, had my finger already down

my throat, to throw up the balloon

of dope I'd just scored in Mexico

and there Coy sat, gringo

digestion, about to take a giant

sh*t. We both let go about the

same time, barf and sh*t all over

the place, me with my face in his

lap and to complicate things, he

had this hard-on... Next thing we

knew here came Amethyst, and

pretty soon this is what we had

her looking like...

She hands him SOME OLD POLAROID PICTURES.

DOC:

AAAHHHAHAH!!

HOPE HARLINGEN:

Everybody we knew helpfully

pointed out how heroin was coming

through in my breast milk, but who

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