Inserts Page #5

If you don't get them coming,

you get them going.

Pretty soon, they're just gonna wind down

the windows...

and throw out the dough,

without even stopping the car.

Freeways, what a gimmick!

If these freeways don't end the Depression...

nothing will.

Come on, relax. It's okay.

He ain't got jack-sh*t.

Well, maybe not...

- but I do have a few ideas of my own.

- That so?

I had an idea this morning,

an idea for this picture.

What's that, taking the camera

off the stand? You thought of that?

No, sir. Nothing like that.

It's a little stunt I do with my shorts.

I suck my stomach in, see?

And then pull my shorts up tight...

way up past my waist...

and then, when I'm ready, pow,

I slam it up there and it rips them.

It rips them right up the middle. You get it?

I kind of like that.

That's kind of a cute stunt, yeah?

- I told you Big Mac would go for it.

- You didn't have to.

If you knew I'd go for it,

why didn't you put it in the picture?

Oh, Christ. Two rhetorical questions

in one day. Am I turning into rubber?

What's this rubber stuff?

What's this rhetorical questions?

Your whole life is a rhetorical question.

- What is this stuff?

- It's smart guy stuff.

- He used the same gag on me.

- Yeah?

Well, listen, smart guy, and this is no gag,

you're treading on thin ice.

And you're wasting my time.

I'm trying to get rid of this orangutan

by 4:
00.

What's this?

- I met someone today.

- Yeah?

Yeah, well, I'm supposed to meet him

at the Beverly Hills Hotel by 4:00.

He said, well, you know, I had star potential.

The guy a Kraut? Big cheese at Metro?

Taco chauffeur?

I know about that gag

and I ain't even in the real movies.

Who is it?

So I'd appreciate it, Mac, old sport,

if you'd just shake wallets and say goodbye.

Appreciate? Now that's a funny word

coming from you, kid.

- I don't have time for this, Mac.

- You don't have time?

Will you listen to this kid?

He still thinks he's the Boy Wonder.

He still thinks he's got somewhere to go.

Buddy, all you got is time...

and I'm paying for it.

Now, let's see this stunt with the shorts.

- You mean it?

- Yeah, sure, sounds like a hot one.

- Let's take pictures.

- Swell, only we need the girl.

It's better to get a shot of the girl

going bananas just after I do it.

- Okay, go get her.

- Say, I'll go.

I told you, honey, nix on that stuff.

Go get her, Rex.

You bet!

Funny bit. The guy's a hot one.

Could the same guy who'd fall

for that Beverly Hills Hotel gag...

come up with the stunt with the shorts?

- I'm not going to do it, Mac.

- What's this?

I said I'm not going to do it.

And neither is Harlene.

- Listen, bub-

- Hey, this kid's dead.

- What do you mean?

- I mean she's dead...

over the rope, too much dust.

The needle's still in her arm.

She's dead, I tell you.

I told you she wasn't going to do it, Mac.

And I'm not going to do it, either.

Well, maybe she ain't really stiff.

- Maybe she's-

- She's stiff all right. I'm in the business.

- I'm getting out of this insane asylum.

- Hold your horses there, buster.

Look, this is not my problem.

You gave her that stuff.

Will you people

quit making with the "gave"?

She earned every grain of that stuff,

and it was good stuff, too.

You people make her out like a panhandler,

and me a cheese-ass.

I don't gyp nobody,

and I don't give handouts.

I'll hand her that, she's a good little worker.

- Was a good little worker.

- Was is right...

'cause now she's dead.

You got to do something about it.

Now listen. Will you just wait a minute?

Don't go flying off the handle.

We've got to think about this logically.

- She's up there dead, right?

- And you've got to do something about it.

How do you figure that, bub?

I mean, look at it this way.

It's the Boy Wonder's bed

she's sitting on up there getting stiff...

with that spike growing out of her arm.

You know, that's a funny thing.

When it comes to taking a camera

off the stand...

or deciding about doing

a stunt with the shorts...

it's all up to the Boy Wonder there.

Whatever the Boy Wonder says, goes.

But the minute you got a stiff...

it all falls on the Big Boy.

It all falls on Mister Money.

That's kind of a funny thing,

don't you think?

What do you think, Wonder Boy?

What are you sitting there

so quiet thinking about?

- Wally Reid.

- Gosh, did you know Wallace Reid?

The day Wally Reid died, I was having lunch

with Griffith, Gish, and Hayes.

Somebody came in

and told us what happened...

and Gish started crying right away.

She said, "Poor Wally...

"poor Wally, what am I going to do now?"

Had to leave the table,

she was crying so hard.

Old Will Hayes, of course,

got up to go after her.

She used to bring that out in people.

And as he left, he turned to us...

and he shot this out like spit, he said:

"Good riddance!

Good riddance to bad rubbish!"

After they were gone...

Griffith turned to me and he was smiling.

I never saw that son of a gun

look so happy in my life.

Do you know what he said?

He said, "God bless him.

"God bless that poor son of a b*tch

for not dying in the middle of my picture. "

And then he ate Lillian's dessert.

That's a real cute little story...

but it don't exactly solve the problem.

What would you like me to say?

I've got half a film in the can,

and my leading lady has gone over the rope.

I have asked you before not to come

around here when I was shooting.

That still don't solve the problem, kiddo.

Maybe there isn't a problem.

Let me think.

- Maybe we can shoot around it.

- Shoot around it?

You can't shoot around this,

somebody's dead up there.

So are you when somebody points a camera

at you. Maybe we can do it all in close.

Do what in close, for the love of God?

Will you be quiet five minutes?

Let me think!

Now, it's not the way I wanted to do it.

It's pretty stock stuff, him grabbing her

by the handles...

a couple of come shots.

Give Rex more to do, God forbid.

Rewrite the ending. I can finish this film.

Let's get Harlene's body back in here.

Are you crazy?

He's out of his noodle.

Right out of his f***ing noodle.

Pardon my French.

You want me to do it with a stiff?

Who's gonna know?

- Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick.

- The pool, Rex, use the pool.

I've warned you before,

I've got dishes in the sink.

I got a name in the funeral business.

If word ever got out...

Unwind. He's just pulling your leg.

- Aren't you?

- It doesn't look like it to me.

- You really want him to do it with a stiff?

- We got a six-picture contract, don't we?

You want this f***ing movie or don't you?

You're out of your noodle!

Right straight out of your noodle.

I'm through. I'm getting out of here.

I should've quit when you

hit me over the head with that bottle.

Hang on. You just gave me an idea there.

Don't wanna hear any more of your ideas.

I just want to get out of here.

I'm supposed

to be at the Beverly Hills Hotel by 4:00.

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