Internet Famous Page #5

---

this!

Uh, hey.

Hey, whoa, Dennis.

Hey, what the hell?

We'll be right back, folks.

Dennis, hey, hey.

Come on, you came all this way.

Don't you want to, uh,

talk to your fellow filmmakers?

What, so they can ask me what my

favorite jellybean flavor is?

You're all bullshit!

Wake up!

Huh, wha... Hey.

Where you...

What is your favorite

jellybean col...

Okay, and we'll just squiggly it. Yep.

He wants your auto.

There you go.

Oh, my God,

That's One Scared Baby.

I so have to take a selfie,

like, right now.

Excuse me.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- Uh, sorry, how old are you?

- 14.

I'm Tigerfish91 from Instagram.

I have a million followers.

A millions followers?

Holy smokes.

Well, you must be some kind of

sensation. What do you do?

I take pictures of myself.

See?

- Wow, you sure don't like pants.

- Thanks.

Do your parents

know about this?

My parents want me

to be famous.

I've been doing commercials

and modeling since I was six.

It's pretty much my job.

My mom said if I book

one more commercial,

I'll have enough

for a nose job.

Then I'm pretty much a shoo-in

for modeling in New York.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

So shipping is when...

You take two people who you think

are totally meant for each other...

And you say

that you "ship" them.

Which is basically like putting

them together as a couple.

So Hank and Tomas

become Hamas!

And then we pretend

like they are married.

And then they do stuff

that married people usually do.

Like sex things.

Which is great because

they're straight in real life,

so we have to fantasize.

You wanna maybe help me

with one of these bags?

Oh, sorry, my phone's kinda

heavy. I got a MoFi on it.

- Oh, my God, it's Tomas Butterman.

- And Hank Delacord.

Tomas!

This is what happens

when we walk into a lobby!

All right, I gotta pee,

so let's do this fast.

- Checking-in.

- What's your name?

Really?

Meredith,

why don't you take five?

I'm Janet.

Thank you guys so much

for making it out.

I mean, making out.

I mean, making it.

- I mean, hi.

- Hi.

Cool.

Can we check-in?

Oh, of course.

I'm so sorry about Meredith.

She's so basic.

Oh, shoot!

They have you and Hank

in one hotel room.

I... I will get that

straightened out right away.

- No!

- Uh, no, no, no, we'll be cool.

- We'll rough it.

- Oh, friendship goals.

Um, and can somebody

take these freaking bags?

- They're digging into me.

- Of course.

Wouldn't want to piss off

the boss.

- Oh, are you an employee?

- Yes.

Oh, good. Keep working,

you might get promoted.

- Ooh, thanks.

- Ooh, really quick.

Before I go, can I just

get a picture of you?

Sure.

Just wanna prove to my friends that it's

not just kids that watch my videos.

- It's old people.

- Aw.

Stay gorgeous.

Can I have a hug?

I'm gonna go shower.

- What's the plan?

- Dude, she's begging us to go in there.

Think about it, you don't just take

a shower after a day of travel.

- She wants us.

- Yeah.

Okay, we get naked,

we lock hands,

- we go in there together.

- That's not a very good plan.

It's a plan. I never said it was a

good plan. But it's a plan, okay?

We go in there together,

in solidarity,

she'll know

we're down to party.

Hey, guys, can one of

you grab my makeup wipes?

It's in my toiletry bag.

Get off me!

Okay, guys, stop.

Okay, you guys know I'm the best

describer of the group,

I go in, I come back, and you

know I'm perfectly capable

of telling you her body

in intimate detail.

Wha... But I'm the best...

I-I'm the be...

I'm-I'm very good at...

Amber:

Never mind, I'm good.

God!

Hi. I'm here.

And you are whom?

Dennis Wasserman,

the filmmaker.

Um...

I get 15 million

views a month.

I'm sorry,

but you're not listed.

I... I'm not listed?

Did you eat my invitation?

Did you think

it was a cupcake?

Because I'm a nominee.

Oh, you're a nominee.

'Cause I'm pretty sure

their names are Tomas Butterman,

- Lucy Hand, Mr. Blankets, and...

- Mr. Blankets.

Oh, my God! Mr. Blankets!

- Oh, where is he?

- He's a cat. I'm a person.

Well, how do I know

you're not just some random guy

saying that's your cat?

Okay, I'm gonna need to speak

with your supervisor.

Or did you eat her, too?

I am the supervisor.

I organized this event.

And I do not see

your name on the list.

I have Mr. Blankets

and a plus-one.

No, moron, you need to

let me into my event.

- I'm a nominee!

- Security!

Oh, what's up?

Okay, okay.

They want a cat?

Fine.

I'll give 'em a cat.

I'll give 'em the cutest

goddamn cat they've ever seen

in their lives.

- Hey.

- Oh, these are free.

No, no, um, I know you.

- I've seen you before.

- Oh, yeah.

"Wobbly Walk."

I get it.

No, no, no.

You were fantastic as Maggie

in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof."

You saw that?

Xander. Hold on.

- Uh, hi, Veronica.

- I'll take your cup of pretzels.

- Very nice to meet you.

- Okay.

- What do... what do you do, Xander?

- Music.

Uh, online mostly,

but I'm trying to transition

into more mainstream stuff.

'Cause I'm really sick of being

an Internet person, so...

- I hear you on that one.

- Yeah.

- It's, um, it's the worst.

- Yeah.

It's absolutely the worst.

I got something

important to ask you.

Can I have one of

those pretzels?

- I guess we could share.

- Please. Thank you so much.

- Yeah, there's a lot over there, but...

- Mm-mm.

- I want one out of your pretzel cup.

- Okay, all right, that's...

Okay.

Holy smokes,

I got three missed messages.

I don't know about you guys,

but that makes me

Mr. Popular in my house.

How do I, uh...

Oh, hey,

honey, I just got to the hotel.

It's like 4:
00 a.m.

So, um, yeah,

I'm out for the night.

I'll call you

tomorrow, okay? Bye.

Wow, I don't know if you heard

that, but she called me "honey,"

so that's a pretty big deal.

Uh-oh.

Uh, I think

she butt dialed us.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Mary?

Nope, she can't hear me.

It's a voicemail.

Uh, Mary? Mary?

Nah, she... it's her voicemail.

She can't hear me.

- Yes.

- Oh, God.

Uh...

Oh, you guys feel that?

I got like a chill

in the room here.

Well, uh,

I don't know about you guys,

but I gotta

call it a night.

I'm so tired.

Why?

- Whoo! Magic number!

- Ooh, first time.

- This is tight.

- Hotel for a baller.

Wow, this is

a really great room.

- Man, mm.

- Yeah.

Oh.

Don't worry, I got you.

- Ahem.

- Whoa!

Oh, man, those are...

that's the camera guy.

- Hey, guys.

- I get it.

- You...

- I'll tell them to leave.

You guys, I know you...

I know you...

You gotta go

'cause there's gonna be some...

- Just get out.

- Your TV show just went X-rated.

Oh, yeah.

They like that.

Oh, yeah. What, are these

your business cards?

Xander:

Business cards.

- This is, um...

- Where were we?

- Is this... this is you?

- Yeah.

Is this a joke?

No.

You're LOL Zordon?

You didn't know?

I don't know how

you think I would know

that you were LOL Zordon.

- You ruined my life.

- How? What?!

You took a video

that nobody else would see,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes