Internet Famous Page #7

---

show on the boob tube,

what the heck

are you gonna do?

Well...

I just wanna

make people laugh.

So it will most definitely be

a funny show.

Thank you.

Okay, save some of that comedy

for your own show.

Let's roll the clip,

shall we?

Hey, Amber. Amber.

So the video is four minutes,

so that means that you have...

four minutes.

Oh, God.

- We can do the Miley spoof "We Can't Mop."

- No!

Everybody's already seen

"We Can't Mop," Hank.

It has 100 million views.

How 'bout The Weeknd?

The new Weeknd spoof?

No, "I Can't Find My Vase"

isn't ready yet.

Amber, I'm coming for you!

Man:

How's it going, Dale?

Oh, uh, not too good, no.

Um, it's been

a tough couple days.

I guess I just...

I just see

perpetual darkness around me.

I don't really see anything, uh,

too hopeful, other than Lucy.

But, um, I don't...

I don't see much for Dale.

So, uh...

But next week's

my birthday, so...

- Coming through.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Restricted access, sir.

Why don't you check your clipboard

there for Mr. Blankets?

Is that Mr. Blankets?

It's a cat.

Get in there.

It's started. Sorry, sir.

We have Mr. Blankets.

I did it! I got 'em!

Oh, my God,

Doug, you are amazing!

All right, I'm gonna go to

the changing room real quick.

- Go, go.

- No, don't go anywhere, Amber.

- We're back on in 30 seconds.

- Oh, my God.

- What are we gonna do?

- Okay.

Kevin, Doug, I need you guys

to watch this area, all right?

I'm not wearing

any underwear.

Carlos, look at me.

I need you to help me

get dressed.

- Okay.

- Here you go.

All right, let's go.

All right,

it's coming off.

Okay, it's coming down.

- Oh, my gosh, it's so cold in here.

- You need a hand?

Bra. Okay.

How about the original? The original

that you've been working on.

- No.

- Yes!

Why not?

Think about it.

The entire world

is watching us.

This is where we can show that you

are not just a parody artist.

You're an artist.

Okay, underwear.

Okay, how do I look?

Beautiful.

Amber! Amber! You're on right now.

Go. Go, go, go.

Good luck.

Wow, well,

gee whiz, Amber.

Those tapes were very...

bouncy and perky.

I'm not Amber.

I'm Mrs. Cloudbottom,

the Dogcatcher.

Are there any dogs out here

for me to catch?

Whenever I see a dog

off the leash,

I got a real bone to pick

with the owner.

Boo.

How are we supposed to write the

jokes when she's on the stage?

- We did write the jokes.

- Shut up, Doug, be constructive.

Come on, guys, think.

I'm a dogcatcher,

and my name is Mrs. Cloudbottom.

Take it off!

- Ruff, ruff, man.

- Whoa!

Looks like

we got a live one.

Oh, definitely neuter.

Wow, great job, Amber.

I mean, Miss Cloudbreast.

Way to pull that one

out of your net.

Okay, judges,

what do you gotta say?

Karen Raye Quivers.

You know, no judgment,

but when I first met you,

I thought,

"Now there is a girl

I just don't trust."

She's fake. She's got fake hair.

A fake face.

Looks like she done

bought it at a store.

And I thought

the nerve of this woman.

She probably never worked a day

in her whole damn life.

She got beady,

cold, evil-wall eyes.

You know, the kind

that just follow you.

You can't escape them

no matter where you go.

No matter what you do.

No matter what God you pray to.

But then, you totally

turned it around.

Good for you. You got my vote.

Congratulations.

Oh!

Um, you know,

it started out kinda "ruff."

Ruff.

Then it ended up

kinda "grr-eat."

So that was,

um, something.

Um, I would, uh,

scratch behind her ears

if given the opportunity.

And, uh, she deserves a treat.

Good girl, good girl.

Oh, somebody

better call an ambulance

because my heart

just stopped.

You are funny and pretty.

That's a w-w-w-winning combo.

Combo!

Gosh, Larry, we miss you

on the silver screen.

We'll be right back.

Way to save the Titanic,

lady dog. Good job.

Oh, my God.

You guys are amazing.

Mwah. Mwah.

Mmmwah!

Tell us everything.

Size, shape, color... you are by far

the best describer of the group.

Was it like magic?

Was it like we dreamed of?

It was amazing, man.

There was nipples everywhere.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

- Keep going, keep going.

- And when she... she took off the bra,

they were free

and they were bigger than ever.

- They were big?

- They were huge.

I-I saw everything, man.

They were big.

- But I saw it, I saw it.

- You saw it.

- I saw it.

- My boy.

I panicked.

I had my shot,

and I-I freakin' blew it.

I shut my eyes so tight.

All I could see is blackness.

100% black.

Is that the cat?

Oh, thank God you're here.

Is everything okay? Look, Diane,

will you get him a water, please?

Oh, Diane, make that

a room temp, okay, sweetie?

Please welcome Tomas "The Parody

Boss" and his little friend Hank.

Or as you may know them...

Hamas?

- What a sweet young man.

- Great to see you again, bro.

Yeah, we definitely

have never met.

- Yeah, we met that... that one time.

- No, never happened.

- You're one of my Hanky Panks.

- What the is that?

What the

is a "Hanky Pank"?

Okay, so, let's uh,

let's roll the tape, shall we?

Actually, uh, we're gonna do something

a little bit different today.

Because right now, we're gonna

be performing an original song!

And it's gonna be banging!

Okay, I have no idea

what that means.

It means it's gonna be

amazing.

All right, well, here we go.

No tape.

Here they are,

Tomas and Hank performing.

I love you, Hamas!

Yo, I know God said

no false idols

But I talk to God

and we chill so

You can pray to Tomas

I'll get you

through it all

It started

as a little boy

I used to dream

of what life could be

I've checked

all the boxes now

That I'm on frickin' TV

I am, I am

Everything,

I'm everything

Yeah, I am

I am

Everything

I'm everything, yeah

When I was

a little boy

My teacher asked

what we wanna be

Most kids said astronaut

The answer

should've been me

Now I make more money

in a month

Than my teacher

made in a year

And all those kids from

my class will kill themselves

When they see me here

I am...

I'm done.

I am absolutely done.

So go tell Chris

that I'm not doing it,

'cause I'm not doing

"The Wobbly Walk."

Veronica, if you leave,

you could get sued.

You signed a contract, and you

will be held liable for damages.

Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

Life goals, dream goals

House goals, car goals

Boy goals, girl goals

Equal goals,

whatever goals

Sleep goals,

teeth goals

Tan goals, cash goals

Squad goals,

all the goals

If you Google search goals

you'll just see pictures of me

I am, I am

Everything,

I'm everything

Yeah, I am

I am

Everything,

I'm everything

Yeah

Woman:

Do "Heathers," come on!

Man:

Why didn't you do "Moo, moo"?

Wow, fellas, that was...

that was really loud.

Uh, let's... let's check-in

with our judges.

- Karen?

- Oh, honey.

Honey, I have got to say,

that was the worst piece of sh*t

I've ever seen in my life.

You done flung horse manure

all over this room.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes