Internet Famous Page #8

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We're all sitting in it,

just covered in it.

And you couldn't sell a performance if

you broke it into four easy payments,

and you have gold

just dripping out your butthole.

Honey, you need to stop. Do us

all a goddamn favor and quit.

Chris, I'm a no.

I'm a hell to the no.

Okay, okay.

Frank.

Oh, gosh, where's Frank?

It's me, it was me.

I was kidding.

That was bad.

That was real bad.

Frank, you are such a cutup.

I'm gonna keep my eye on you.

That should be easy.

I'm like right in

your field of vision.

All right,

and do I even ask?

Do I even dare to ask?

Larry.

No... no.

Don't come near me.

Don't come near me

with that!

I'm not numb! No! No!

Ah! Ah!

- - Okay,

I think Larry's simulating

dental work out there.

I didn't like it.

All right, thanks, guys.

Let's give it up.

Okay...

- Tough break.

- Eat a dick.

Tomas, Tomas, hey, look.

You looked great out there.

Hair looks great.

- I know!

- Okay, the fans vote, okay? Not the judges.

We got this in

the freakin' bag.

- Yeah?

- No.

You... Yes.

What do you mean "no"? Yes.

Next up is a real crybaby.

I mean, literally.

Her hilarious, frightened reactions

have captivated the world.

This girl is going to be

a huge star.

Please welcome to the stage little

baby Lucy and her daddy Dale.

Okay, I, uh, I think

it might be a good time

to roll Dale's video montage

chronicling the life

of little baby Lucy.

- Yay! Whoo!

- Whoo!

Whoo!

Hey, where's Mommy?

There she is. Say hi.

There is no God.

Mary:

Aren't you sweet?

"It's not my dragon.

His spots are too shiny."

- Walking, okay.

- Learning how to walk.

Dale:

Learning how to walk.

All right, who wants another dog?

These things are going pretty quick.

Anybody? Show of hands.

Oh, my God.

Oh... oh, God.

Okay, this isn't a joke.

Ah! This isn't a joke!

Dale's burning! Dale's burning!

- Peekaboo.

- Baby elevator.

- Hello.

- Look at that. Up.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what's happening?

What's happening?

Oh, my God!

Please, don't take my daughter!

Please, don't take my daughter!

Please, just don't

take my daughter!

That was one scared baby.

Now, Dale,

you have two minutes

to give these folks

the show of their lives.

Now, what prank

are we gonna see?

She really... she really

was a scared baby, huh?

I was... I was thinking

that, uh...

I have been scaring

baby Lucy

pretty much

every single week

for her entire life so far.

And, uh...

Well, you know what

I learned this weekend?

I think the world is

a scary enough place as it is

without me dressing up like

"Bram Stoker's Dracula"

and getting staked

by vampire hunters

and turned into dust,

you know?

I know a lot of you people in

Hollywood are watching right now

and you're thinking

you want a piece of baby Lucy.

Well...

sorry, but this baby's

not for sale.

She doesn't want any

of your rock cocaine

or your fast cars

or your stripper dancers

or whatever it is

you're thinking about.

Not this baby, all right?

Sometimes you gotta

put family first.

I think it's high time

I put my family first.

Boy, I'm kinda sad I didn't

get to do my show, though.

I was gonna come out and give

a speech similar to this one,

but then about halfway through,

I get taken out by a sniper.

- - Sorry,

Miguel, it's off, all right?

Calling it. Yep.

Thanks, bud.

Look, Luce, wave at Miguel.

It's Miguel from church.

All right.

Yeah, I'm wearing,

uh, about 19 squibs

and three and a half pounds

of lamb meat.

That was gonna explode out of

my chest and lower gut area.

Uh, all over the floor.

And, um, yeah, that would've been

one heck of a scared baby, huh?

We forfeit the competition.

- You can all go home.

- No, no, nobody go home.

We, uh, we still...

we still have not decided...

- Oh, oops.

- who the winner is yet.

- Whoops.

- So...

- Uh, just pop a squat over here?

- No, no, I think...

I think it might be time

for you to leave.

- Okay, all right, okay.

- All right.

- Barry.

- Well, bye, America.

- - Hey,

Lucy, say, "Bye, America."

Bye. Bye, America.

Hey, hey, hey,

I'm... I'm with that guy.

I-I don't think I can

do this performance.

Is there anyway

we can just skip it?

Yeah, okay, after what just

happened, no, absolutely not.

You know her

just by the way she walks.

Veronica Decker,

"The Wobbly Walk."

And you're on.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Now, Veronica,

your "Wobbly Walk" video

has nearly a billion views

and counting.

People cannot get enough

of that dance.

In a way,

you started a "wobolution."

How does it make you feel?

Well, um...

at first, I thought I was gonna

have to fake my own death.

Let's just face it,

it's just a silly dance

set to music that people

like to watch

so we don't have to

talk about Syria.

Well, Veronica,

you are a natural on camera.

Well, I... I did train

as an act...

Well, since most people have

already seen Veronica's video,

let's show a reel

that shows how people feel

about "The Wobbly Walk."

It's not just a dance.

It's a feeling you get

when you see it,

and when you do it.

Girl, when I'm having

a bad day on my job,

I just turn on that video

with those people dancing

and doing "The Wobble"...

I start cracking up!

Girl, I forget

all of my troubles.

I love it.

Boy:

I love to dance...

but I'm not very good.

And people would make fun

of me for even trying.

But I was at my school dance,

and I started

to "Wobbly Walk."

And I got everybody

clapping,

because I could do

the dance the best.

Guys, this...

it's not just a video.

Wow!

Well, Veronica, what will you

be performing for us tonight?

I will be doing

a monologue

as Abigail

from "The Crucible."

I'm kidding.

Hit it!

The Wobbly Walk,

The Wobbly Walk

The Wobbly Walk,

The Wobbly Walk, The Wobbly

Wobbly, Wobbly Walk,

The Wobbly Walk

The Wobbly Walk, The Wobbly,

Wobbly, Wobbly Walk

The Wobble, Wobble,

Wobble, Wobble

Do The Wobbly,

Wobbly Walk

Do The Wobbly, Wobbly Walk

- You can do it

- Wobble, Wobble, Wobble

- If you try

- Wobble, Wobble, Wobble

Now shake,

shake on the floor

Come on, baby

I'm doing it,

I'm doing it

I'm doing it,

I'm doing it...

Dude!

I can't even

with you right now.

Tomas!

Tomas, I'm sorry.

- Wobbly, Wobbly Walk

- Wobble, Wobble, Wobble

Do the Wobbly,

Wobbly Walk

Wobble, Wobble, Wobble

Listen, I used to think that

the music was the best part.

But you know what?

It's you Veronica.

Karen Raye Quivers,

what do you say out there?

What did you think

of Veronica?

I'm gonna be frank with you,

Veronica.

I do not like you.

Chris, I do not

like this woman.

I don't like looking at you.

You know why?

'Cause you're scary.

You have that powder-white

skin you rocking.

You know what

you look like, honey?

You look like

a Civil War ghost.

Honestly,

I think you a witch.

And you lucky there ain't a river in

here, 'cause you know what I'd do?

I would drag your white ass and throw

it in there to see if you float.

And guess what,

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