Irish Jam Page #4

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He'll be fine.

Come on let's get him upstairs.

He can have my room for the night.

-Your bed?

-If you're volunteering yours...

Oh, Hey Jimmy.

Did I wake you?

That's just how I'm going to

bite you.

Then, I'm going to chew you up,

Jimmy.

Eat it.

Hey, Princess.

Are you standing guard?

You hear what happened last night?

He lucky I didn't see him.

If I'd have seen him, I'd have been

straight Bruce on him.

You know, I trained with

Bruce personally.

You don't believe me?

Why you don't believe me?

My Daddy taught Bruce's

Daddy's, Daddy's, Daddy's uncle.

In the Shaolin Temple.

Who had feelings for

Ling Ling Chow?

You know that's what would have

happened, if I'd have seen him.

That's when you know they're scared,

they have to sneak up on you, see.

He ain't going to come man to man,

face to face with me.

Jimmy da Jam.

-Can I come in?

-Come on in.

I'm going to tell you

the rest later.

-So how you feeling better?

-I feel like a Hollywood hooker...

Ah! Excuse me, this is not

for her ears thank you.

Yeah, she's just talking up a storm

I mean chatter Kathy over there.

I think she's got the gift of the

gab. She just hasn't unwrapped it.

Homework time.

-Homework.

Homework is good.

Stop all that talking!

Have you been feeding her a load

of old rubbish, have you?

Just the part about homework

being good and learning. Boring.

You do have a tendency to

exaggerate, don't you?

Exaggerate me? No. See the lump on

my head is not an exaggeration.

And that foot that was in my ass

wasn't an exaggeration.

-So you have no idea who jumped you?

-I have no idea but I'll never...

...forget that funky breath.

-I put your clothes in the washing...

...machine on a bright colours

cycle so that should cover it.

You've a bath run, and I've put you

out some proper clean clothes.

Clothes? Hey, I'm naked!

Well, did you expect me to put

you in with them?

Don't get your knickers in a twist

I've seen it all before.

I've cooked and cleaned for my grand

dad and brothers since I was nine.

I'll see you later.

And apparently it's not true what

they say about black men, is it?

Hey, it was cold!

Cold, you know, it was cold.

Hey, it's like a pole.

You can put a flag on it.

She don't know I was born with one

leg. I had to learn how to walk.

I've got to take my shoe off

everytime I go to the bathroom.

Now I've blown right overseas.

Brought the world down to their

knees. I got the fireplace...

...chilling in the back, bubbles all

around. I might give the young lady...

...a heart attack, I know she's

telling me.

What she say? I know she

telling me.

Ain't even got a car. Here we go,

I'm at the bar.

Drinks on me, set everybody free.

It's on the house. Big West

tunes, the west side.

Come on, the east coast

doin' the most.

Jesus! Michael you scared the

living daylights out of me.

I heard what happened.

Is he okay?

Yeah, he's on the mend.

Can you not hear him?

-He stayed the night, then?

-Doctor said not to move him.

Breakfast in bed?

Michael I'm not sure I like where

this conversation is going.

Look Maureen.

I know I'll never be able to replace

Frank. And I don't expect to.

But I think it's time I made an

honest woman of you.

-Michael I...

-No, please. Let me finish.

I know I'm not perfect and I know

you don't love me.

But I'm sure you could learn to

in time.

And besides, Kathleen needs a

father figure in her life.

And you know I love her like me own.

-Yeah.

Well, what do you say?

Well, I suppose when you put it

like that, it makes sense.

It's just...

-Hey, Michael.

-Hey.

What happened to your hair?

Everything good?

-Yeah, it's all good.

Look at that, don't we look fine.

-Styling and profiling, baby.

-I'd say almost Irish.

-I know how to put things together.

Oh, and domesticated too.

Good, I like that in my rappers.

So, Jimmy tell me...

...what do you want out of life?

What's going to make you happy?

Let's see, peace on earth. No,

that's the answer that models give.

I want to be rich and famous,

you know what I'm saying?

Because me and music are one.

Music is like my best friend.

I could make it, too;

all I need is a shot.

All right.

So when you perform at Finnegan's...

...why do you always impersonate

someone else?

-That's what I do, that's who I am.

-No, it's not who you are.

It's who they're. I think you should

spend more time being yourself.

I've never seen Kathleen this

happy.

And it's you that does it, it's not

those fellows that you impersonate.

Well, you know, I've got

magnetism, like electro-magnetism.

That's the female species,

you know, the girls love me.

Oh, okay, you want to start now?

-I did a little bit.

-Oh, here's a whole lot.

-Wait, stop it!

You know my mama used to play

this song called 'Jimmy Mac'.

-Pettikreep?

-Yes, sir.

I've received some very valuable

information from the City of Angels.

It seems our Mr McDevitt wouldn't

know a straight line if it jumped...

...up and bit him on the arse. And

it would probably die of food...

...poisoning. In short one of life's

losers. A bit like you Pettikreep.

-Yes, sir.

-So you're going to make him a...

...financial offer he won't refuse.

I can't rely on those idiot...

...McNultys alone.

-Certainly, sir.

-Oh, and Pettikreep?

-Yes, sir?

No mistakes. When I pull this off,

I'll be rich beyond my dreams.

Come on, Chappie!

What up Mr Pettikreep? What can

I do for you this fine day?

Oh well, that's a lot of cheddar.

No, I mean cheese, cash man, cash.

We can come to some kind of

agreement. I'm a businessman...

...business is what I do.

And the deal was, if I didn't come

up with the money I had to marry...

...their sister. She got all

emotional, gave me some honeymoon...

...money and I lost it

in a crap game. Then I split.

What you just left the little lady

standing at the altar?

Little lady? We're talking 140

kilograms pit bull, block jaw.

Have you ever been married?

-Yeah, I was once.

-What happened?

-It's a long story.

Talk to me now, talk to me.

-Okay, he was called Frank.

-He was called Frank? Is that his...

...name or they just called him Frank.

Hey Frank, but real name was Doug?

No, his name was Frank we say it

here differently.

His name was Frank and

we met a university in Dublin.

So we got married and got

pregnant... well, I did obviously.

Well, if he got pregnant, you know,

we need to study him.

-Do you want to hear the story?

-Come on, girl.

Anyway, Kathleen adored him, he

was an amazing father.

But one day he took

her shopping and...

They were hit by a drunk driver.

Frank was killed.

She didn't have a mark on her.

See, supposedly he protected her

from the impact with his body.

It was like he was making a deal

with god.

It was either, you know,

his life for hers.

She was only four years old. Can

you imagine, four years old?

And he died in her arms.

She hasn't spoken a word since.

-It's going to be all right.

-I know, we just...

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