Irish Jam Page #6

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bogus building contracts to my own...

...dummy companies. As soon as the

Japs find out that the land round...

...here has the consistency of sponge

cake, Suzuki will quietly take back...

...his cash in order

to avoid a scandal.

Minus of course the 20 million

I've already siphoned off.

I pay back my creditors and

pocket a cool 10 million.

-Genius, sir.

-I think so.

Talking of Finnegan's, I do believe

the show is about to start.

Oh, and Pettikreep?

-Yes, Sir?

Not a word. Remember who

butters your bread.

Don't think I could forget, sir.

McDevitt!

-Jimmy! Jimmy stop!

-What?

I think we've got visitors.

McDevitt, we need you outside now.

What on earth's going on?

-Hey, what's up, fellas?

-McDevitt, you're a liar and a cheat.

And I knew it all along.

Aye, we found out about the

Dirty Dime man.

And how you stole his song!

Ya rogue git, ya !

Pack up and get out of

Ballywood now.

-You leave him alone. Do ya hear me?

-Shut up and be quiet!

Now, Jimmy, I've read the words.

And it does seem that your poem...

...has been lifted from this

Dime fella's record.

Can I see that for a second,

Father?

Dirty Dime.

Dirty Dime. Yeah, he used to be

with that group Nickel and Dime.

I was going to play the cut for you.

He went solo, Dirty Dime.

Well... You caught me. I'm dirty,

he's dirty, it's a dirty situation.

Hey, guilty as charged.

Somebody got some handcuffs?

For god's sake, it just a poem.

Its not the end of the world.

We've all done things we regret.

-We've all done poems.

Trust you to stick up for him.

The man is a liar and a thief.

Are you satisfied now?

You can go home.

Not yet.

Is it true, that you intend to sell

Finnegan's to Lord Hailstock?

What?

-Tell them it's not true.

-Of course, it's true.

Now, that's my business.

Now look, we've a right to know.

Tell us the truth and we'll take...

...your word for it.

-That's right.

Or do I need to knock it out of you

again? Like I did last time?

Only this time, you won't get up

so quick.

-So, it was you?

-Ah yeah, I'd recognise that...

...breath anywhere.

You know what McNulty? Why don't you

pucker up and kiss my black ass.

You messed up now, boy.

If he's innocent, the good Lord

will be with him.

-Come on.

-Come on.

Keep the n*gger in the net.

Let me go!

-Where's my medical bag?

-I'm going to whoop your ass.

Good afternoon.

Prepare to fly, McDevitt.

That'll teach you to mess with a

McNulty. Just so you know there's...

...plenty more where that came from.

-You kicked the shite out of him.

I told you he was shite.

You know, I trained with Bruce,

personally. You don't believe me?

Excuse me.

Which one of you hobbits want it?

-See? You want some, do you?

Come on, give him to me.

Yes, Lord. I believe in God.

Didn't I tell you, he was one of us?

He even fights like an Irishman.

Aye, but he still hasn't explained

about selling out to Hailstock.

Shut up! He'd never do something

like that, would you?

Jimmy, tell them.

Jimmy, tell them.

How could you? Why would you

do something like that?

But if you sell it to Hailstock,

that's the end of the village.

So that's all we were to you,

was it?

A penny antiscam, a get rich quick

scheme. Trusting you...

...believing you was the biggest

mistake I've ever made in my life.

You're a cheat, you're a liar.

You're a phoney, you're a big

mouth and I hate you.

I never want to see you again.

You can go to hell.

-Hold my coat. Hold my coat!

-No, Pat! Don't!

Did the good Lord not forgive

Judas?

-Pettikreep, tea.

-Yes, sir.

Now, this had better be bloody

good this time in the morning.

Yes, sir. Got some information

for you.

The villagers have called

an urgent meeting, sir.

They're down at Finnegan's now, sir.

-Now?

I thought this was all over with.

Pettikreep, where's my bloody tea?

So, what's this meeting about?

-Nobody knows, sir. Secret.

I wonder what it could be.

Pettikreep.

-What is it, sir?

-It's empty.

-Oh sorry, sir. I'll get a refill.

No, the account, you idiot, it's

empty. I've been robbed.

What the bloody hell are you all

gawping at?

-Now, get on with it.

-Now be quiet, all of you!

What's this all about, Father? We

should all be home in our beds.

I don't know, Tom, but I'm sure

we're going to find out very soon.

What's up? How's it

hanging, Hailstock?

Don't bother saying

nothing, just listen.

By now you've probably figured out

your bank account's been emptied.

That's a lot of missing loochey.

We know about the land being no good.

And how you stash surveyor's report.

If my memory serves me, it's fraud.

Look, I don't want you to go to jail

for 20 years. So here's the deal.

You give back 10 million minus the

...helped me put this play together.

Fast Freddie and Diamond Jack.

Yo, what's up?

And of course, my friend, the mole,

which we'll get to later.

You'll need to be returning the cash

that the village paid you...

...for the contest.

-No...

Don't talk yet, I'm not done.

Also, you sign over Ballywood, all

the surrounding land,...

...including Finnigan's. This way

everybody gets what they want.

You walk away clean. I might have to

leak this to the press, you know.

Let's see, 'The Honorable Lord

Hailstock tried to scam investors...

...in a bad land deal'.

Oh, I say Mole...

...can you please pass the

agreement to the old boy there?

Okay, Your Lordship, we need

your signature on the dotted line.

Oh, and just so you know

we have some insurance.

It's a copy of the

surveyor's report.

Addressed to Lord Hailstock.

The minute my man Pettikreep is

alright I'll transfer the balance...

...back to your account.

Oh, one last thing. Don't come back.

The land belongs to the people.

Irish, that is.

I want you to get this Jimmy Da Jam

for me, I want you to stop him now.

Well, you idiots,

what are you waiting for?

We won't be needing your blood

money for what I have to do.

Come on.

By the way, I never did like butter

on my bread. I'm a jam man, myself.

Or to be more specific, a Jimmy Da

Jam man.

So you can stick your job up your

arse. I've got a plane to catch.

What time does the next boat leave

for the mainland?

What time does the boat leave for

the mainland?

Six o'clock.

Right.

-Go get him.

-Really?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Jimmy!

Jimmy McDevitt, will you stop

being so bloody stubborn.

You just going to leave and that's

it. You can't do that.

You can't just mess with people's

feelings like that.

What an idiot I've been. There was

I thinking that you actually cared.

-I do care.

-No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

For a moment there, Maureen,

I thought you and I had something.

-We do.

-You and Kathleen.

But I was just fooling myself.

-But...

-No, don't but.

I mean how many free beers I got

to give away in this village?

You can't buy acceptance, Lord knows

I tried, three times a Sunday.

Yeah, 'Jimmy's a likeable guy'.

But, you know what? Deep down

inside, they're all afraid of me.

Afraid of who I am. What they think

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