Irrational Man Page #5

That was fantastic.

My God, what have you

been eating for breakfast?

Aw. I don't deserve all the credit.

You are hot stuff, lady.

What happened to the philosophy professor?

Christ, you were like a caveman.

For the first time in so long, I felt free.

You know?

Just a limitless freedom.

Run away with me.

Where? To Tahiti?

Like Gauguin?

To make love in the tropics?

I want to leave Paul and move to Spain.

- Yes?

- Yeah.

Why Spain?

I always found Spain to be so romantic.

Hmm.

- Now, I have a bone to pick with you.

- Yes?

Yeah, have you been sleeping

with that student Jill Pollard?

I've been sleeping with no one

for a year, till tonight.

Not that I haven't tried,

as you sadly know.

- You tried with the student?

- No, never.

We're only friends.

Well, because there's

talk around the school.

Mmm, it's just talk.

People fill their lonely hours with gossip.

Now put it out of your mind.

My zest for life had returned

and the driving force of this rebirth

was my rock-solid determination

to perform a service for a mother of two

and rid the world of

Judge Thomas Augustus Spangler.

He lived alone on a pretty street

within walking distance to the courthouse.

One day a week, he played bridge

with his cronies at the Pavilion Club.

He was a member and ate there pretty often.

Saturday mornings,

he jogged at Lippitt Park.

He was not well-thought of as a judge

and had been censured once or twice,

but had never been reversed

on appeal because he was smart

and also one of the boys.

Why continental philosophy?

Because, you know,

continental philosophy deals with

problems much more exciting and,

and personal than the analytic tradition.

You know, the existentialists

were tryin' to find out

not just what does something mean,

but what does it mean for me?

I never thought I would get you

to go to an amusement park.

Where's Roy tonight?

Studying.

Well, I'm mellowing in my old age.

And now that we're here,

I'm determined to win you a prize.

There was no question

there was something lighter about Abe.

His spirits seemed up,

he seemed more focused,

more optimistic, more charming.

He said he was determined

to win me a prize.

And after one of his standard lectures

on the impact of luck and random chance,

he managed to pick the winning number

on his first spin.

I want to go with my first instinct.

There's my first hunch, 17.

Okey-dokey, here we go!

Round, and round, and round it goes.

And where will it stop?

Nobody knows.

And...

Wow!

Unbelievable.

- I won.

- You're a lucky man.

- How did you do that?

- Luck rules the universe.

Oh, you think so?

Correction, not luck, chance.

We're all at the mercy of chance.

All right, what, what do you want?

What prize do you want?

- Um, okay...

- Anything, anything you want!

Oh, uh, the flashlight, please.

- Flashlight?

- Yeah.

- A nice practical choice.

- Thank you.

- This isn't practical.

- That's not practical?

- No, it's cool...

- I mean, look at your other options.

You're saying that you picked a flashlight?

- I like the color...

- Come on.

I hate that you think I'm practical.

Whoa!

- Oh, God.

- I feel like I'm on mescaline again.

God, but, look.

Even in the distorting mirror,

you look good.

I hope you don't think

I'm some middle-class drone.

I might surprise you.

Yeah?

Hey.

No, it's a bad idea.

It's a bad idea.

What do you mean?

I think it's a little late for that.

You have a terrific boyfriend

and he's obviously crazy

about you and don't...

I know.

And I love Roy.

But it doesn't mean I'm ready

to commit to him and give up...

Listen to me, listen to me.

You don't want to get involved

with an extremist like me.

- Trust me.

- Why not?

I can be just as risk-taking as you.

All right.

We got carried away.

All right, let's just

forget the kiss, okay?

What if I can't?

Then I have to be the responsible one

and keep things from getting out of hand.

Come on, let's have fun.

I was sure Abe had feelings for me.

But maybe it was just that

he wasn't in love with me

the way I was with him.

I tried telling myself the reason

he wasn't letting anything go too far

was because a relationship

between a professor and a student

was against Braylin's rules,

but I knew in my heart, Abe was too

romantic to shy away from risks.

All I was sure of was

that as much as I cared for Roy,

and I really did,

I was swept off my feet by Abe Lucas.

The more he tried not to let

anything serious happen,

the more I wanted something to.

I was right in thinking

the killing would be an act of creativity.

It was artistically challenging

to plan how to do away with Spangler

and bring it off perfectly.

Weighing all the options,

I came to the conclusion

that the only practical way I could do it,

and hope to get away with it,

was to poison him.

Careful not to leave

any record on my computer,

I researched all the poisons

and it was clear why cyanide

had become the popular clich

of mystery writers and spies.

Cyanide would be quick and painless.

And while it would be impossible

to obtain any legally,

I knew where I might get some

without having to fill out any forms.

Every stage of the way was a risk

and I must admit, exhilarating.

Professor Lucas.

What are you doing here?

- Hi.

- Yeah, it's April?

- April, yeah.

- Yeah.

I'm doing research for

a book I'm working on.

Well, that's cool.

Well, I'm glad to see you're

wearing rubber gloves

'cause, you know, a lot of those poisons

are actually pretty dangerous.

Yes, I know.

Actually, wait.

While I have you here...

Can I ask you a question

on the paper I'm writing on Kant?

Sure, sure, but can we talk as we walk?

Yeah, so, it's due on Friday and basically,

I just don't understand

his moral principles.

I don't understand.

You've been in such a touchy mood.

I'm fine,

I just don't want to go to the concert.

Yeah, but the only reason I got the tickets

is because you said you wanted to go.

Well, I'm sorry, Roy.

I just had a change of heart.

- Go with a friend.

- Yeah, I will.

But I was looking forward

to going with you.

Well, I just...

I'm not up to it, all right?

I think you're losin' interest in me

because of Abe Lucas.

Oh, God, Roy.

We've had this conversation so many times.

He's a friend.

I think you'd be fine

if he was more than a friend.

- Can we please not discuss...

- But you know it's so obvious.

It's obvious.

You know what?

There's nothing going on.

So, you're paranoid.

Okay. Okay.

Well, I'll just go to

the concert with Mike.

Oh, you'll have fun.

Mike is sweet.

Yeah.

It was Judge Spangler's

jogging routine

that gave me the idea I was looking for.

That is, once it became clear to me

that it was a routine.

His weekend run, his morning newspaper,

his park bench, his container

of fresh-squeezed orange juice.

The more I found out about him,

I was convinced the world

would be a better place without him.

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