It Happened on 5th Avenue Page #4

Season #Winter

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in hundreds of deserted Army camps...

...from coast to coast.

Electricity. gas and water

in every one of them.

Say. you know he's got something there.

Mac. you're a genius.

They need guys like you

down in Washington.

No.

Things are balled up enough down there.

[LAUGHS]

Army barracks.

It's made to order.

I could redesign them.

A few plumbing changes. closet space.

a little landscaping-

Wait. where do we get

the dough to pay for all this?

Who's got the dice? We need

a couple million bucks in a hurry.

Hey. Jim. where do we get the dough?

- The dough?

- Mm-hm.

Well. we get the dough

the same place we get the labor.

Two or three hundred ex-GI's

just like us.

And we're all partners.

McKEEVER:

Gentlemen. gentlemen.

Your problem of capital is secondary.

Now. the first thing to be considered

is which camp you intend to reconvert first.

If the government will sell.

and if so. for how much. right?

MEN:

Right.

Now. do any of you boys

know Camp Kilson?

Oh. sure.

That's just outside of New York.

That's where I was induced

into the Army.

Induced.

You mean. inducted.

Oh. no. Me. they had to induce. Heh.

Oh. yeah. it's a swell idea...

...but how do we know the government

will sell the property?

My boy. go down to Washington

and find out.

I was a government clerk there

while Hank was overseas.

- I know my way around.

- Swell.

Hank. why don't you and Alice

get all the information?

- Yeah.

- But what about the baby?

Oh. gee. that's right.

There's Margie and Trudy.

They'd be glad to take care of him.

And I personally will mix its drinks.

Yeah. I mean supervise its formula.

Well. what do you say. honey?

- Well. all right.

- Good.

Okay. fellas.

Alice and I'll drive down tomorrow.

Boy. if this Camp Kilson deal works out.

we're really in the chips.

And Mac. that goes for you too.

- After all. this was your idea.

- Heh-heh.

TRUD Y:

Good evening. everyone.

Has anyone a light?

Now. ahem. as you were saying...

Excuse me.

[COUGHS]

What are you dressed for?

I have a date.

Whose dress is that?

Miss O'Connor's.

Oh. at it again. huh?

Remember. don't touch that mink coat.

If Mr. McKeever

can wear Mr. O'Connor's clothes...

...I guess I can wear Miss O'Connor's.

[HUMMING]

JIM:

Hey. be careful with that thing.

Oh. it's not loaded. See?

[CLICKS]

I know all about guns.

My father used to take me quail hunting.

I thought your old man was a drunkard.

He hunted quail while he was drunk. Heh.

He thought they were ducks.

If you know all about guns.

you should know how to aim it.

Show me how you do it.

Well. the Army taught us this way.

First. you place the butt of the gun firmly

against the right shoulder.

Mm-hm.

Left hand well forward under the barrel.

Now. you take a good aim.

Now. with the right forefinger

firmly on the trigger...

...you squeeze gently.

Squeeze...

Tighter.

Tighter.

Tighter.

[GLASSES SHATTERING]

It sounded like a shot.

[BOTH LAUGH]

MAN:

What happened in there?

Trudy.

Hello. Dad.

Well. what a surprise.

So this is why I had to come

all the way to New York.

Trudy. I'm a very busy man.

Now. get in the car.

Get in the car. please.

- Now. then-

- Now. look. Dad.

Before you say anything.

I'm not going back to finishing school.

- And why not?

- Because I'm finished.

Besides. I've met somebody. Dad.

Somebody I like very much.

In fact. I'm in love.

Oh. that's ridiculous.

Why. you're only 18.

My goodness. a girI of 18

is practically middle-aged nowadays.

Women get married at 11 in India.

Yeah. but this isn't India.

Joe. drive to the house.

You can't do that.

Well. why?

Why can't I go to my own house?

Because I'm staying there.

only they don't know that I'm me.

Who don't know that you're you?

Mr. McKeever and Jim.

Who the blazes are they?

Mr. McKeever is the man

who moves in when you move out.

Do you mean to say you invited

two men to live in my house?

No. They just moved in.

at least. Mr. McKeever did.

Oh. and who is this Jim?

Oh. he's wonderful.

He thinks I'm a thief.

and you're a drunkard...

...and that you beat me.

- This is fantastic.

- Heh-heh.

Squatters living in my house.

Joe. stop the car and pick up

the nearest officer you can find.

All right. Dad.

Call the officer.

call the whole police force.

Have it your way. You always do.

O'CONNOR:

Trudy.

Trudy. where you going?

That's no concern of yours

from now on. Dad.

Goodbye.

Taxi.

Trudy. wait a minute. Trudy.

Trudy. Trudy.

Trudy. Trudy.

Joe. drive to the Waldorf Towers

and hurry.

Yes. ma'am.

Now. Trudy. listen. I-

Why. I beg your pardon?

I beg yours.

Why...

I'm too old to be chasing

all over town after you.

You know. honey. I'm still your father.

Now. please sit down.

Now. let's talk this over

like two sensible people.

What's troubling you. Trudy?

Dad. I'm terribly unhappy.

Well. why. dear?

I've given you every luxury

a girI could want.

And you think I should be happy.

I used to be. years ago.

when I was little.

When you were little?

It's true. Dad.

Everything was wonderful then...

...because I had you and mother

and that's all that counted.

Then something happened.

I never did know just what.

You and mother separated.

I was sent off to school...

...and I'd lie awake nights

trying to figure it out.

I've been lonely. Dad.

That's why I ran away.

How long have you known this Jim?

All my life. it seems.

What do you want me to do?

Meet Jim.

All right. I'll meet him.

You will?

Thanks. Dad.

Oh. but not as Michael O'Connor.

And what's wrong

with Michael O'Connor?

Nothing. but if he knew who you were...

...well. I'd always be wondering.

About what?

If he were really thinking of me

or your bank account.

- Oh. Trudy. that's-

- Oh. please. Dad.

You've always had your way.

Let me have mine just once?

Okay. now what?

MAN:

Well. there you are.

- Twelve dollars. already you look good.

- Yeah.

- Here. here's your hat.

- Heh.

There you are.

Oh. Trudy. this is positively outrageous.

You're not satisfied?

All right.

I throw into the bargain another hat.

It should maybe come

from the head of a duke.

Yes. yes. I'm sure it did. I'm sure.

Pay him the money. Let's get...

- Wait a minute. wait a minute.

- Huh?

How much will you allow me for these?

Well. $6.

Six dollars for a brand-new

tailor-made outfit?

Your suit is all-wool.

- Why. certainly. it's all-wool.

- Oh...

That's bad.

Wool is bad?

Look. when the moths are hearing

I got here an all-wool suit...

...one moth tells the other.

They're coming for a banquet.

They're bringing their friends.

Pretty soon.

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