It Happened on 5th Avenue Page #6

Season #Winter

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[CHUCKLES]

She's a pretty little thing. isn't he? Hmm.

Hank. what's the dope?

What happened in Washington?

Oh. brother.

What a merry-go-round that is.

I've been through so many revolving doors.

I'm still traveling in circles.

Well. they're willing to sell the land.

barracks and all.

But there's a catch.

Yeah. there always is.

They've had an offer of 150.000...

...and the property is to be sold

in 10 days to the highest bidder.

Buck up. we're not licked yet.

We'll offer them 160.000.

Who will offer who 160.000?

Gentlemen.

there's no harm in making an offer.

If they accept.

then is the time to worry...

...about where you are gonna get

the 160.000.

The essence of big business.

gentlemen...

...is never put one worry

ahead of another.

Here you are. Mike.

Oh. thank you.

You're terribly sloppy.

You'll have to be more orderly

or you can't stay.

As a matter of fact.

your staying here tonight...

...is against my better judgment.

I'm sorry to inconvenience you.

Well. it's these spells you have.

these fits.

Now. I can't have you upstairs

near the women and children.

You'll have to sleep

in the servant's room downstairs.

Sam sleeps in there too.

He'll bark at about 7 a. m.

Let him out in the yard.

I won't have to get up so early.

[McKEEVER WHISTLING]

Hello. Phillips? It's me.

- Did Farrow get back from Washington?

- No. sir. Mr. O'Connor.

He's flying in tomorrow morning.

Well. tell him I'll call him at the office.

No. no. no. I'm not kidnapped.

No. I'm in town. in an ice box.

I can't tell you where.

In the meantime. listen.

Wire Wickersham and tell him

I'll take 6 million for that West Coast chain.

Oh.

Did Mason make an offer

for that steel mill lease?

What? A million and a half?

[CHUCKLES]

No. tell him no soap.

Nothing less than 3 million.

And if American Foods goes up half a point

tomorrow. sell a hundred thousand shares.

Right. And if you-

Mike. come out of that ice box.

Mike. if you insist

on using the telephone in here...

...I'd suggest you wear an overcoat.

I know it's a great temptation.

but you must control it.

- Control what?

- This playing at being a millionaire.

Just because you're living in

a millionaire's house.

Maybe I am a millionaire.

[CHUCKLES]

All right. Mike. You're a millionaire.

Now. come on.

You've got a million dishes to wash.

Not with that. You might break them.

Come on.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[DOG GROWLING]

Please. Over here.

[GROWLING]

Not here. over there.

Can I get in bed with you?

[SIGHS]

No. Go get in bed with your father.

- I can't.

- Why not?

Because he's in bed with my mother.

Look. sonny. I'm tired

and I wanna get some sleep.

Now. you run along.

Now. I'm sure the sandman

is looking for you.

Good night. sonny. good night.

Have a good. good. good-

[DOG BARKING]

Dad. Dad. are you awake?

Awake?

How can anybody sleep in this bear trap?

Turn on those lights.

You'll wake the whole house up.

All right. let them wake up.

Help me up here.

- Help me up.

- What happened?

Well. help me up.

Trudy. let me tell you something.

I control a dozen corporations.

coal mines. steamships. railroads.

I push a button

and make a bank president.

But never in my whole life

has anyone ever made a fool of me.

Washing dishes.

A servant in my own house.

to a crowd of squatters.

A valet to a dog.

He barks at 7

and I have to take him for a promenade.

And as for that Mr. McBeetle...

...who smokes my cigars and wears

my clothes and drinks my brandy...

...he's leaving this house in the morning.

Yes. and that goes

for your precious Jim too.

But. Dad. you promised.

And where would they go?

They have no place and this big house

with nobody living in it.

It just isn't right. And as for Jim.

Yeah. he'll be the first to go.

Believe me.

What kind of a man is he?

Why doesn't he go to work?

He's going to. Dad.

He's got a marvelous idea.

He's really going places.

He sure is. right out on the sidewalk.

- But. Dad.

- I've had enough.

Now. Trudy. listen...

...I want all of these people

out of this house in 24 hours...

...or I'm having them arrested

for vagrancy and trespassing.

Dad. please.

You heard me.

24 hours or I'm calling the police.

Good night.

[DOG BARKING]

Hello. Western Union?

I wanna send a telegram. please.

To Mrs. Mary O'Connor.

Royal Palms Hotel...

...Palm Beach. Florida.

"Dear mother...

[VOICE BREAKING]

... please fly New York at once.

Will contact you. Waldorf Towers.

Terribly urgent.

Love. Trudy. "

Yes. darling.

I'm sure you're in love with this Jim.

You have all the symptoms.

- What does your father think of him?

- Dad's going to have him arrested.

Well. whatever for? Loving you?

No. For trespassing.

Well. that's the same thing. isn't it?

To your father.

I think it's awful of him. mother.

Those people haven't done a single thing

but live in that big old. vacant house.

Well. there must be more than one way

to skin a cat or an O'Connor.

Of course. darling.

I haven't seen your father in four years.

[CHUCKLES]

But I think I know

just how to cope with this situation.

Your household will have to make room

for another guest.

You. mother?

- Why not?

- Well...

Don't worry. I won't give anything away.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. mother. you're an angel.

I can't understand

how Dad ever let you go.

Oh. honey.

There are lots of things about your father

that are difficult to understand.

Well. now. I'll take my face off. and-

Oh. where am I going to find

some old clothes?

I know just the place.

McKEEVER:

Mike.

Rule number one in this house...

...is never come in or go out

through that front door.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Where did you get the key?

I found the key while I was cleaning.

Well. come on. hand it over.

[TONGUE CLICKING]

Why. I must be dreaming.

Smells like slumgullion.

Slumgullion?

It's a kind of an Irish stew.

[CHUCKLES]

I haven't eaten it for years.

As a matter of fact. it was on account

of slumgullion I fell in love and got married.

It must be quite a dish.

Yes. she was.

My wife made the finest slumgullion

in the whole state.

Wife?

Well. I don't see her anymore.

We're divorced. I-

[SNIFFING]

By George. that is slumgullion.

Yeah. could be.

We've got a cook now.

[SNIFFING]

Slumgullion.

Taste familiar?

Mary.

Hello. Michael.

Well. this is a surprise.

I thought it would be.

May I ask what are you doing here?

Same thing you're doing here.

I came to meet Jim.

Oh.

And have you had that extreme pleasure?

I have. and I found him

to be everything Trudy said he was.

Oh. indeed. indeed.

You've taken on a little weight

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