It Happened on 5th Avenue Page #6

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but you must control it.

- Control what?

- This playing at being a millionaire.

Just because you're living in

a millionaire's house.

Maybe I am a millionaire.

[CHUCKLES]

All right. Mike. You're a millionaire.

Now. come on.

You've got a million dishes to wash.

Not with that. You might break them.

Come on.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[DOG GROWLING]

Please. Over here.

[GROWLING]

Not here. over there.

Can I get in bed with you?

[SIGHS]

No. Go get in bed with your father.

- I can't.

- Why not?

Because he's in bed with my mother.

Look. sonny. I'm tired

and I wanna get some sleep.

Now. you run along.

Now. I'm sure the sandman

is looking for you.

Good night. sonny. good night.

Have a good. good. good-

[DOG BARKING]

Dad. Dad. are you awake?

Awake?

How can anybody sleep in this bear trap?

Turn on those lights.

You'll wake the whole house up.

All right. let them wake up.

Help me up here.

- Help me up.

- What happened?

Well. help me up.

Trudy. let me tell you something.

I control a dozen corporations.

coal mines. steamships. railroads.

I push a button

and make a bank president.

But never in my whole life

has anyone ever made a fool of me.

Washing dishes.

A servant in my own house.

to a crowd of squatters.

A valet to a dog.

He barks at 7

and I have to take him for a promenade.

And as for that Mr. McBeetle...

...who smokes my cigars and wears

my clothes and drinks my brandy...

...he's leaving this house in the morning.

Yes. and that goes

for your precious Jim too.

But. Dad. you promised.

And where would they go?

They have no place and this big house

with nobody living in it.

It just isn't right. And as for Jim.

Yeah. he'll be the first to go.

Believe me.

What kind of a man is he?

Why doesn't he go to work?

He's going to. Dad.

He's got a marvelous idea.

He's really going places.

He sure is. right out on the sidewalk.

- But. Dad.

- I've had enough.

Now. Trudy. listen...

...I want all of these people

out of this house in 24 hours...

...or I'm having them arrested

for vagrancy and trespassing.

Dad. please.

You heard me.

24 hours or I'm calling the police.

Good night.

[DOG BARKING]

Hello. Western Union?

I wanna send a telegram. please.

To Mrs. Mary O'Connor.

Royal Palms Hotel...

...Palm Beach. Florida.

"Dear mother...

[VOICE BREAKING]

... please fly New York at once.

Will contact you. Waldorf Towers.

Terribly urgent.

Love. Trudy. "

Yes. darling.

I'm sure you're in love with this Jim.

You have all the symptoms.

- What does your father think of him?

- Dad's going to have him arrested.

Well. whatever for? Loving you?

No. For trespassing.

Well. that's the same thing. isn't it?

To your father.

I think it's awful of him. mother.

Those people haven't done a single thing

but live in that big old. vacant house.

Well. there must be more than one way

to skin a cat or an O'Connor.

Of course. darling.

I haven't seen your father in four years.

[CHUCKLES]

But I think I know

just how to cope with this situation.

Your household will have to make room

for another guest.

You. mother?

- Why not?

- Well...

Don't worry. I won't give anything away.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. mother. you're an angel.

I can't understand

how Dad ever let you go.

Oh. honey.

There are lots of things about your father

that are difficult to understand.

Well. now. I'll take my face off. and-

Oh. where am I going to find

some old clothes?

I know just the place.

McKEEVER:

Mike.

Rule number one in this house...

...is never come in or go out

through that front door.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Where did you get the key?

I found the key while I was cleaning.

Well. come on. hand it over.

[TONGUE CLICKING]

Why. I must be dreaming.

Smells like slumgullion.

Slumgullion?

It's a kind of an Irish stew.

[CHUCKLES]

I haven't eaten it for years.

As a matter of fact. it was on account

of slumgullion I fell in love and got married.

It must be quite a dish.

Yes. she was.

My wife made the finest slumgullion

in the whole state.

Wife?

Well. I don't see her anymore.

We're divorced. I-

[SNIFFING]

By George. that is slumgullion.

Yeah. could be.

We've got a cook now.

[SNIFFING]

Slumgullion.

Taste familiar?

Mary.

Hello. Michael.

Well. this is a surprise.

I thought it would be.

May I ask what are you doing here?

Same thing you're doing here.

I came to meet Jim.

Oh.

And have you had that extreme pleasure?

I have. and I found him

to be everything Trudy said he was.

Oh. indeed. indeed.

You've taken on a little weight

since I last saw you. in the wrong places.

It's the clothes.

and you're no Van Johnson yourself.

I can remember

when you only had one chin.

- Indeed. Well. let me tell you-

- Shh.

Stop shushing me. I won't-

We're going to dispose of this nonsense

once and for all.

Imagine an 18-year-old girI

wanting to marry this-

You married me when I was 17.

And look what happened to us.

Nothing happened to us

that a little fidelity couldn't have cured.

Are you accusing me of infidelity?

I am.

You left me and married your money.

Nonsense.

And besides. I resent your being here.

Trudy belongs in school

and that's where she's going.

Shh. Not so loud.

You listen to me. Michael O'Connor.

Trudy is in love with a young man

and she wants to win him the hard way.

Not with your money.

Instead of admiring her for it.

you're fighting her...

...just as you've always battled anyone

who wouldn't bend to your will.

You just haven't the courage

to see this through.

Oh. I haven't?

That's what I said.

I can stick this out

just as long as you can.

Longer. do you hear? Longer.

- That I'll have to see.

- Hah.

I'll give you three days.

Three days over these pots and pans

with your manicured fingernails...

...and then you'll slink back

to Palm Beach...

- ... and your favorite beauty parlor.

- Ha.

O'CONNOR:
And another thing.

you might as well realize right now...

...that this house isn't big enough

for both of us.

MARY:

All right. When are you leaving?

Hey. what goes on in here?

TRUD Y:
Mike and Mary had a little argument

but it's all over now.

A new cook

and already a fight in the kitchen?

Now. you two should learn

to get along together.

[SNIFFING]

Stew.

Mary. if this tastes as good as it smells.

you're gonna be my new pinup girI.

Ha-ha. Thanks.

But Trudy's been helping me with it.

Oh. she has. huh? Well. keep her busy.

Mike. I want you to quit picking on Mary.

Good cooks are hard to find.

JIM:

Cookie. I've got some great news for you.

TRUD Y:

I'm all ears.

Whitey and Hank got a couple hundred

of the boys together.

They're all steamed up and raring to go.

Between us.

we've averaged about 500 apiece.

And I went to see

the Wheeler Construction Company today.

They went for the idea in a big way.

- They may even put up the money we need.

TRUD Y:
Tell me more.

JIM:

I'm seeing the head of the outfit on Friday.

Boy. if this idea works out.

I'll buy this joint from O'Connor.

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