It Happened on 5th Avenue Page #7

---

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello.

- Hello. Farrow. it's me.

Listen. do we still own an interest

in Wheeler Construction?

Good. Now. pay attention.

There's a young man coming in there Friday

named Jim Bullock.

He has some half-baked ideas about

model houses or barracks. or something.

I want them to disregard the idea

and offer him a job.

Yes. yes. I don't ca-

I don't care if it's teaching Eskimos

the Boogie Woogie...

...or milking whales in Patagonia.

only it must be out of the country.

Huh? Anywhere.

Make it Bolivia.

The farther away. the better.

There's only one stipulation.

He has to be a single man.

Single. you idiot.

That means unmarried.

Yeah.

I don't care. Make up any excuse.

Only offer him enough

so that he can't refuse.

Yeah. right. You got it?

Okay. Now. how about that property?

We've been topped again.

The price is now 185.000.

Offer them 190.000.

I don't care if we're bucking

Morgan and Chase. I want that property.

[CHUCKLES]

Well. if you need cash. transfer a couple

of million from the Chicago house.

- Right? Hmm?

- Oh. Mike.

I'm sorry to interrupt your negotiations.

I know you have millions and millions

of dollars hanging in the balance...

...but. Mike.

you didn't make your bed this morning.

[CHATTERING]

- Good. Good.

- Isn't this good?

Don't hold back.

There's plenty more in the kitchen.

ALICE:
Will you hand me the butter?

HANK:
Yeah.

May I have a bit more. please?

Ha. What about your milk and cracker diet?

My stomach's a lot better.

Ah. That proves what I've always believed.

Indigestion is caused by unhappiness.

If you don't like the things

the world makes you do...

...you're not hungry.

But if you smile and you're happy...

...you enjoy life

and you're hungry all the time.

I wonder if the O'Connors

were as happy in this house as we are?

Happy?

From what I hear. they're the most

snarled uppest people in the whole world.

- What's wrong with them?

McKEEVER:
Plenty.

Now. you take Michael O'Connor.

for example.

A poor boy who became

the second-richest man in the world.

Almost the richest. So I hear.

Yeah. and is he happy? I should say not.

They tell me...

...he's one of the worst-tempered men

in the country.

I hear O'Connor is so high-hat...

...he won't accept a glass of beer

unless it's got a winged collar on it.

[ALL LAUGH]

He must hate photographers. Nobody's

ever seen his picture in the papers.

Yeah. what does the guy look like?

An octopus.

Now. Jim.

let's have no personalities. please.

After all.

we are living in O'Connor's house.

And eating his food

and wearing his clothes.

Which reminds me.

he needs some new white shirts.

Now. as I was about to say...

...he's a sourpuss with a sour stomach...

...that's so engrossed

in his holding companies...

...that he couldn't hold his wife

and family together.

Maybe his wife walked out on him.

If she's smart. she ran.

[CHUCKLES]

McKEEVER:
From what I hear.

she's no bargain either.

[CHOKES. CLEARS THRO AT]

They say she's really snarled up...

...lives in a big house down at Palm Beach

and spends most of her time...

...trying not to admit

she's a middle-aged woman.

Suppose we talk about something else.

Hmm?

You're right. Mary.

It's a waste of breath.

Mike. you had enough?

I've had plenty.

Oh. Mike. your dishes.

Now.

please be a little more careful of them.

I found a couple of them chipped

last night.

You see what I mean. Mike?

These shelves were jam-packed

when all you people came to live with me.

When I lived here alone.

what I ate was never missed...

...but 11 of us.

well. that would make a dent in any larder.

Mike. it looks as though you and I

will have to go to work.

Me? Work?

Oh. no. Ha-ha.

Why. Trudy's working.

Jim and the other boys

chip in money for food.

Mary does the cooking. and I...

Well. I sort of supervise.

I'll tell you. Mike.

honest labor never hurt any man.

At least. it never did me.

That I can understand.

and it's not going to hurt me either.

Now. get this...

...neither you nor any man is going

to make me do manual labor...

...and that's final.

- Oh. well. Mike.

- No. no. sir.

O' CONNOR:
No. no. that's going too far.

Oh. no.

[GRUNTS]

- Well. you're doing fine. Mike.

- Yeah.

You know.

we're getting a dollar an hour for this job.

Not bad. eh?

After we get this cleared off.

I've arranged for another one.

The movie theater down the street.

Don't tire yourself out.

We're getting $ 1.10 for that job.

Say. you know. I think I can help you.

Why. I wouldn't want you

to exert yourself.

Well. after all.

I should be doing something.

Ah.

I know what.

I'll get you a bigger shovel.

Mr. O-

Shh.

Shh. Quick. Get in the car. get in the car.

Don't look surprised. get in the car.

[SHO VEL CLINKS]

Mr. O'Connor. what is this?

Now. now. now. wait a minute.

Don't ask questions. just answer them.

What about that government property?

Our offer's been topped again.

Our opponents. whoever they are.

have gone to 195.

Ah. Well. offer them 200.000.

Any clue as to who's bucking us?

Not yet. but don't worry. sir.

I won't let it drop.

Good. good. good.

- Now. what about that young fellow?

- Young fellow?

Jim Bullock.

the fellow I phoned you about.

Oh. yes.

He was in to see Henderson

of Wheeler Construction this morning.

Henderson has full instructions

to offer him that job in Bolivia.

Ah. Excellent. Farrow. excellent.

If he accepts.

and there's no reason he shouldn't...

...all of my troubles are over.

Heh-heh

Well. okay. Farrow. see you later.

Mr. O'Connor. are you all right?

Never felt better in my life. Heh.

FARROW:
Mr. O'Connor.

- Yes?

- Your shovel.

- Oh.

Oh. thank you. thank you. thank you.

Ha-ha.

Come on. Mike. hurry up.

Here. let me help you.

Oh. thank you.

MARY:

Mike. have you had a hard day?

No. nothing to speak of.

I merely shoveled snow

off half of Manhattan. that's all. Oof.

[CRACKING]

Be careful. Mike. something cracked.

That was my back.

Oh. Mike. it did you good.

You have color in your cheeks.

Why. you look positively healthy.

I'm sick. I'm dying.

[CHUCKLES]

Hello. boys.

Hello. Jim.

Oh. hello. Mike.

- Ah-ah!

- Careful of those Christmas bulbs.

Well. heh. it looks like you fellows

are expecting Santa Claus.

Confidentially.

there ain't no Santa Claus. we know.

Anything wrong? Ahem.

Uh- How'd you make out?

I mean. with Wheeler Construction?

They turned thumbs down

on our proposition...

...but they did offer me a job in Bolivia.

Twelve thousand a year and all expenses.

Well. that's great. Jim.

That's a lot of money.

When are you leaving?

Are you kidding?

Why would I wanna go to Bolivia?

Well. wonderful country. fine climate.

beautiful girls down there.

They're not bad up here either.

But. Jim...

Bolivia is the tin capital of the world.

Look. Mike.

I like the good old U.S.A.

and that ain't tin.

If I can't make a living here.

then I'll give up.

Besides. I couldn't let guys

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes